[Intro - Louis Logic] Every time I leave my house Pork patrol wanna seek me out Did I see it? Did I do it? C'mon on down to the station house They scream out, "Hey, how's that high?" Shine the flashlight around my eyes Every time some coward cries They doubt that I have an alibi
[Verse One - Louis Logic] It's bizarre how I got a disregard For prison bars but it isn't hard To see why I hate the mainstream and daydream of beatin' Dave Matthews with his guitar I live to scar you with a lit cigar If I miss the charts I'll put a mail bomb in your Christmas card 'Cause you jealous of the fact that I'm blowing up and you ??? My true intentions are cruel intentions New ways to hurt you with new inventions You figure you're a star I'll hit you with a car and flatten you down to two dimensions You want me to be non-violent? It's only gonna happen on the day that I'm signin' Which isn't too often 'Cause I can't be sober when you're standing over Lou's coffin And any other time I got a beer in my hand And mysterious plans to put fear in your fans Until degenerates shit for the champ of born losers here for the weirdos and porn users My last three last shows were fiascoes This dude came up like, "You see that ho? I dare you to grab her ass." So I grabbed her snatch and had a fight with these three assholes Now I'm mad at that and there's an A-P-B The cops kicked my ass when they came for me like they hold a grudge So I stood up in the court room and told the judge I got A-D-D
[Chorus - Louis Logic] I'm mischievous I make people wanna slit they wrists A whole lot of parents and critics Are pissed at this but they missed the gist It's just fictitious I'm mischievous My songs make kids wanna slit they wrists And now a lot of critics and parents are mad at this I need clearances to make appearances
[Hook - Lous Logic] Warning, take caution, keep out of children's reach 'Cause I'm still in this bitch ??? real to teach and let disciples fill the streets A lot of criminals wanna kill police Steal the keys and set the villains free You better listen kids 'cause I'm mischievous so keep out of children's reach
[Verse Two - Louis Logic] OH NO! I'ma ruin your whole show Stumble on the stage drunk and movin' in slo-mo 'Cause you wouldn't know dope even if you were to sold coke And tried to steal Louis's whole blow Your folks know better than to try and diss I'll put you in a chokehold I'm childish I poke holes in your car tires with my bare hands and sharpened appliances 'Cause I'm a product of my environment So I can't be blamed if my rhymes are violent 'Cause every time I'm in silence or sleep, the sick thoughts creep in behind my eyelids Rhymes the size kick this dissin' nonsense We about to have a real pissin' contest You think I wouldn't let my pee soak in every seam 'til you weigh as much as Heavy D? It's a fact misery loves company And lung disease Will work wonders please So I teach young kids to smoke shit it's just a joke and it soundslike fun to me It's easy as one, two, three Come on up to the roof and then jump with me And when they scoop you up from the street Instead of doing dirt you'll be buried underneath From the kids in the projects robbin' stores To the 'burbs where they steal from the shopping malls There ain't an emcee who don't respect me So don't get testy y'all haven't got the balls
[Chorus - Louis Logic] I'm mischievous I make people wanna slit they wrists A whole lot of parents and critics Are pissed at this but they missed the gist It's just fictitious I'm mischievous My songs make kids wanna slit they wrists And now a lot of critics and parents are mad at this I need clearances to make appearances
[Hook - Lous Logic] Warning, take caution, keep out of children's reach 'Cause I'm still in this bitch ??? real to teach and let disciples fill the streets A lot of criminals wanna kill police Steal the keys and set the villains free You better listen kids 'cause I'm mischievous so keep out of children's reach
[Verse Three - Louis Logic] When there's smoke in your eyes into a pumpkin ties They like, "OH NO!" A whole lot of husbands would give me a snuffin' if they knew who I'm fuckin' like, "OH NO!" If you drink so much that you don't react ??? across your bony back ??? 'gnac It's like, "OH NO!"
[Outro - Louis Logic] Every time I leave my house Pork patrol wanna seek me out Did I see it? Did I do it? C'mon on down to the station house They scream out, "Hey, how's that high?" Shine the flashlight around my eyes Every time some coward cries they doubt that I have an alibi
A lonely shadow filled the frame of a 6th floor window A tenament resemblin' a 5th ward shit hole A tortured soul type of agoraphobe Who sported robes and made sure his door was closed Ever since his brief intro to this freak nympho He had his first time with her in a lime green pinto He kept the cheap bimbo But he was unaware that any cat who come prepared got up in her underwear He was an unsure kid, somewhat scared in the first place Before his 20th birthday, he married his first lay A careless, young airhead, who shared sex in her bed spread Anywhere she found a spare bed Who would dare wed such a slut? Savage and sultry To the last days of their marriage, she practiced adultry When she finally bounced on the boy, he drank by the gallon and quarts and shouted at the lord til he went out of his core Instead of crazy, he had thoughts of going Kevin Spacey in Se7en, maybe He wanted to behead his lady and any shady kid who laid his mitts on his baby's tits His faith was stripped like an atheist Maybe its that God lies, he was tortured by the thought of How many odd guys probably knew his wife's bra size His thought process was counter-clockwise Envisionin' guns and bloody butcher shop knives
[sample from movie]: Man #1: What the fuck are you doing?? Woman: What the fuck does it look like I'm doing? Man #2: Can you close the door? Man #1: Will I close the door? Will I close the door?! That's my wife, you
ASSHOLE!
*gun shot*
*Ambulance & EMT arrive*
The super opened the tenant's door and found a corpse instead The rookie cop was like "Are you sure he's dead?" Then the coroner said, "You mean aside from how his forhead's spread? The empty quarter-keg and the skipping record by Portis Head? I would say it's a safe bet that he took a 38's best taste test and ate lead He's more or less dead Tag him and bag him, then ziplock the smokin' magnum Round up the neighbors from the ground up and ask them 'Who, what, where, when and why?' Anything that would make such a friendly guy wanna end his life It's all probably, to be revealed in the autopsy" The semi-warm body rolled through the first floor lobby Growing cold and lifeless, journey on the gourney to the meat wagon Packed in with the medical devices Firmly wrapped tight in a sheet of white While the preacher type prays for heaven's blessing beggin' "Jesus Christ" The DT was like, "See his right hand? it's a wedding band has anybody seen his wife?" "Well, sir, I heard she was the cheating type who would sleep with any man according to the neighbors if I'm readin' right" "Son, let me help you see the light, and put two and two together She got sick of the kid, and ran off with who ever The guy couldn't take it, he blew open his cake hole A modern day face lift, suicide, case closed"
"And then 4 months down the road the idiot gear kicks in, and I ask about the ex-boyfriend which, as we all know is a really dumb move but you know how it is -- you don't want to know, but you just have to know, right? You know, stupid guy bullshit."
[Louis Logic] Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls: in this corner quivering in the white trunks we have the unsuspecting boyfriend facing up to the champion, his well-seasoned girlfriend. The three knockdown rule is in full effect
[Verse 1] Ding Ding That's the sound of curiousity peaking like cops that pat you down Boyfriends probably seeking the dirt on the skirt as if he's deep in the earth Like who had reached in the shirt and who was sleeping with her, but hey -- She's only human and probably only doing the dude who she loves most So you know who she's screwing But while you're lying there spooning assuming life is just all good You indavertently missed the size of the falsehood Living life in a small hood you probably collide With lots of the guys who used to climb on top of your wife So it's not a surprise you're asking the stupidest questions: 'Who was the best in the sack?' and 'How many dudes have you slept with?' But the chance is, you didn't want them answers And can't live with it she used to be just a dancer Making the fast tips you would stuff her pants with And fast as mass transit she thought you were romantic
[Chorus] I'm so glad we met (hey shorty) Come on girl try to be patient, I know I'm a pain in the ass But your ex-boyfriend has me stressed (back off dude) And all of the sex stuff should just remain in the past But we can't get married yet, (no we can't get married yet) It isn't just that its greener, its also the length of the grass But somehow you keep on running to me -- and we keep living in fear of the idiot gear
[Verse 2] Right about this time, most of y'all are just wishin that this was fiction And itchin to ask your chick if your dick isn't a depiction Of fitting inside a stitching when you're sewing it up And to think that most of this stuff is just over a fuck I know what you're thinking, we've all grown up with women And living without em seems like its harder than living with em But if you hit em, you'll probably end up living in prison fellas Then you'll be someone's bitch -- I hope your girlfriend isn't jealous This cinderella shit is totally irrelevant You'll never get a girl older than 7 thats been celibate Cause every chick has been around the block with a guy or ten And guys are sensitive, its better that you lie to them Even the violent men who's dressed up in street clothes With stilettos and heat knows they got delicate egos If she chose to tell you all persons with whom She put in work in the room, it would burst your balloon
[Chorus]
[Verse 3] Looking at your sweetest snapshot, that's when you start to wonder About the backdrop of her other lovers When you discover another flick of her hidden up under there Dressed in summer wear, with her ex giving her bunny ears And no one wants to share their chick with last guy To get rid of the bad vibes you figured you ask why Her past life is still chilling in the picture frame She'd probably forget his name if the dick's the same Which is lame, but for some dumb reason The last bum seeps into your dreams and you become unseasoned Then one evening, you build up the heart to ask her Disaster -- with your lungs breathin hard as asthma And after she breaks down and tells you the truth It leads to a fight and she's yelling at you And I'm convinced of this: being your queen's only king Yo man see Louis right -- ignorance is bliss
[Chorus]
Oh what's a guy to do
Now listen to me papi You're all fucking idiots How do you like them apples?
"You know what I don't think we need to do the thing where we tell each other everything ..."
[Verse 1] Yo yo, I hate those filthy fuckin' monkeys And the features that they share with simians Disgusting junkies, welfare recipients They livin' off of someone's money who pays tax and has a life While these black bitches stomachs stay fat with parasites And they have to have a pipe to relax on average nights So their bastard bratty tykes all act like savage types It's the legacy of black and Spanish guys Beg when ?tea and genoas? complacency of dads who have no wives Police should beat their fuckin' skulls in with magnum lights Illegitimate illiterate black should have no rights Cuz they go from having lives to having life And I pay to feed their appetites and give them TV's with satellite Those steven-stealing dirty fuckin' heathens dealing dope need to steal a boat And sail their monkey asses back to Africa And seal the coast with giant gates made of steel and bolts So we can try and save the decent white god-fearing folk
[Chorus] And I got strangers moving in in my own backyard Hometown battlefield, times is hard Crime is risin', on my horizon And it's getting mighty hard for folks to find a job A lot of folks say that the times is changing But the more things change, the more they stay the same And I don't know where I'm gonna go, I don't know, I don't know
[Verse 2] Don't hand me your ethics, just credit this as rude hard speech Cuz I'm not anti-Semitic, Jews are cheap With every breath their breathing through large beaks They're telling more fibs and squeezing four kids into two car seats What a waste of white skin, heartbeats and faces like men Nigger lovers who treat the beast as if the ape was like them They killed to save your Christ and denied that he was God's seed It doesn't come as a surprise that meet the Nazi's I live to see the day that Rabbi's decree their cocks reclipped at birth 'Till there ain't a Jewish dick that works We should take care of the rich half first on Hanukkah And smother out their breath and words with yamakas 'Till they turn to vomiters choking on their manichevitz Menorahs to the foreheads would make some handy weapons 'Cuz there's no room for Plandess, Goldberg, and Blooms We'll just wipe them off the face of the earth
[Chorus]
[Verse 3] You know who probably hurts us most Those sneaky guys with chinky eyes and the turban folks Godheads who settle on our urban coast I wish that they would drop dead, buying up convenience stores and restaurants Either or they sneaking and I'm tired of the lenient laws Treatin' them like real Americans when after all These rice eating heathens even eat their cats and dogs And that's because their misers, fucking cabbies in a hurry Covered in the stench of curry, and they're awful drivers The law provides us with no means of protection Not even a weapon to stop the evil conception And my people are threatened by the rate at which they multiply Alarming enough to make the true patriots pulses high Cult is like worship, Hindu and Buddhist rituals Our lord Christ returning is grave due to his principles The way they're taking bread from the truly blessed sons I have to say the only good brown and yellow folks are dead ones
[Chorus]
[Verse 4] I'd like to add lastly, AIDS ain't a disease We should take tainted IV's and jam up the pillow-biting fags ass cheeks And dykes are twice as bad what kinda woman doesn't like to shag No dick for those chicks, what kinda life is that? We got mar tsars fighting for the rights of drag queens and queers Who's sperm's on like germ farms breeding fear The fucking fairies need braziers, high heels, and dick The stuff so scary to even hear it I'm feeling sick Your body parts got a right feeling fit, silly fairy Nobody wants fags and dykes to join the military We'd be better off killing every bitchy lesbian And wimpy feminine men than to let them in Then again I know it seems like I'm the devil's riding henchmen But no one on this earth loves all of god's inventions Not to mention, I got a date to try and talk to Satan And lots of tension, cuz I'm late for my inauguration
[Louis Logic] First and foremost, I got to figure out what hurts the whore most Before we show up at this nigga's house We can rip him out the drivers seat, pin him down Grab the hag and jam a rag in her mouth Wrap some string around her wrists, and tie her feet You guys toss her in the back of the van I'll be smackin' her man with the back of my hand But that's just half of the plan I can't believe this fuckin snake used to pass as my fam Come up and shake my hand like it wasn't fake, damn You take the van to my cousin's place in the countryside Celph and Christian, I want you guys to help me lump this guy We'll beat his ass within half an inch of his life and fuck him up, just enough to make his mother cry Then we'll leave the punk beside town square Tied to a street pole, so people see his lump behind out bare We'll come and ride out where this slutty flirt leads to Strip her down to her birthday suit Last but not least, drive inside a farm or couch Chillin by the barn and dump her where the heffers squirt their poop You got it?
[beat drops] [whispering plans] [assorted shouting and fighting noises]
[Louis Logic] [new beat] Holy shit, dude he's bleeding a lot I ain't no doctor, but he ain't movin, I can't see if he's breathin or not [Celph Titled] Yo nevermind, y'all just need to stop and check his signs Feel his neck, and find his pulse, if he dies, we're gettin time (Guys, what? We were only supposed to scare him) Yo shut the fuck up (The cops are gonna bust us man, his family knows my parents) [LL] Oh god, there's no pulse, there's no repairin' This niggaz dead, I know his mother too, that bitch is overbearin I need a cigarette (Take some fuckin' Nicorette, Lou we killed a guy) Yo stop sayin that, maybe he's still alive (Someone try CPR, he'll survive) [CT] If he's got any blood that's still inside [LL] Both of you shut up, I think I see a car (What do we do?!) [CT] We'll get some plastic bags and duct tape Cut 'em up, package him, dig a hole and leave this faggot upstate (Oh that's just great, we're all gonna end up in a cell) Or in the chair, you whiny bitch, but you'll love it in hell [LL] Come on you assholes, this isn't helpin Christ, he fuckin stinks He dumped on himself, this nigga's smellin [CT] That's what happens when you split your melon Give me the switchblade from the trunk We'll make two stitches fit his well and a ditch made for just one (We're fuckin triple felons) [LL] Quit your yellin, help me wrap the arms up We got to get this job done before any more cars come We'll go meet up with Arson and take care of the bitch Giftwrapped in a sinsack and dump the pair in a ditch
[sirens and police officer on radio] Uhh, dispatch this is Car 51 possible 1-8-7 suspects loading bags shaped like body parts in a trunk
(Yo it's the fuckin' cops) [LL] I told you assholes a cars gonna come [CT] Hey yo it looks now, let's go before they start with the guns
[officer] This is Car 51 requesting backup, we are in pursuit of three suspects in a gold Honda Accord PA license plate... Bravo David Sally 81 28 Possible 187, repeat possible 187, requesting backup
[beat drops, more sirens and helicopters] [new beat]
[Louis Logic as Police Officer] Come on out, we got the area surrounded With SWAT teams around it and you're going downtown kid [Louis Logic] Sit down bitch, we ain't goin no place Move again, I'll slash your whole face off with this cold blade [PO] No wait, it's time to go home son, where you goin with this? [LL] Son? Eat a dick copper, no one needs to know my business Just get a chopper and lots of money, before I chop this honey's head off It's too late when the scene has gotten bloody [PO] Yo stop this funny stuff [LL] Fuck you, and bring a case of beer A lager, and don't bother tryin to make me wait for years I got a taste for smearin' blood, plus I need a pack of smokes So we don't slaughter, hold the pigs or I'ma slash your throat Stop screamin, bitch, I'll give you somethin to cry about [PO] Snipers, that's a go, he dropped his weapon, FIRE NOW (gunshots) Affirmative, target hit, he's on the ground lyin' down SWAT Team move in, sargeant turn those sirens down
[Louis Logic] Oh Ap I'm glad I caught you, you know I'm ‘bout to leave the pad on tour soon And I thought you'd watch my lady while I'm gone dude
[Apathy] Yo c'mon Lou, of course that's cool, your my fucken man My fam, I mean damn, I don't got no other plans We can rent some blockbuster, catch a movie or two Yo but imma have to leave her home if there's some hoochie to screw
[Louis Logic] Oh shit yeah, if there's some booty for you, handle yours, hit the bed I aint tryna cock block if ya gettin head Lick and spread that chick instead, but if not, you gotta watch my baby then Cause most of my lady's friends are chickenheads
[Apathy] Yeah that's understandable, broads can be real influential I'll run into the store for the doe if shes low And try to keep her from runnin with clubbin hoes
[Louis Logic] Word, I new there was a reason you're my brother yo
[Apathy] Of course Lou, your blood from another mother, no other bro
*Phone ringing*
[Apathy] Hello
[Louis Logic] Aiiyo Ap, wassup its Lou My bus is stuck in ?, I'm glad I trust you to watch my lovely boo Aiiyo, y'all found some stuff to do
[Apathy] Oh word up, we just buggin dude Tryna watch this flick, wanna talk to your chick? Oh, hold up, she just went into the bathroom sick See we was drinkin and shit and now we chillin on the couch We was thinking of goin out but decided to lounge in the house
[Louis Logic] Yo, lounge in the house? Bounce and be out? What you mean shes sick, yo who the fuck you think you drinkin with Your supposed to be over seeing shit It sounds like all hell's breakin loose
[Apathy] Yo, your breakin up Lou and your trippin like I'm trickin with your chick Stop bein a dick actin like we fiendin to stick -phone hanging up-
-phone ringing-
[Apathy] Yo fuck it, don't pick it up, Lou's just bein a jerk His goin berserk, his probably just stressed from all the work Lets relax, sure we can cuddle, there's nothin wrong with that You can lay across the couch and put your head on my lap
-knock on door-
[Apathy] Oh, what up b
[Louis Logic] Don't what up me you fuckin asshole I dropped outta my tour and had to duck my last show Whats goin on with you and my girl, slutty asshole You fuckin her? What you tryna ruin my world!?
[Apathy] Yo first of all kid! Take that fuckin tone out your voice We boys but what you girl does is really her choice Now she's sittin lonely at home while your doin your shows Besides son, I thought it was bros before hoes
[Louis Logic] So if your clothes come off while your chillin with my sweet thing I'm supposed to let her share her g-string!? Imma take that anniversary ring right back to Zales Ask the sales girl to take back the pearls! Smack the curls off my ladies head and kill you for your treachery You said you were my best friend, instead you got the best of me
[Apathy] Yo Lou, this shit is hectic B, I'm really not the enemy It takes two to tango and we share the same energy One night over some Hennessey we started messin sexually And well, now we dealin with an unexpected pregnancy
I'm punchin' a clock, carryin' my lunch in a box So don't ever assume that my life is something it's not Shit, I got a 9 to 5, dispite the fact that I'm as live As any jerk-off cat that's signed to Jive My boss is trying to drop me out my tree house For at least three hours a day, he's chewin' me out For two to three thou. a month, they don't pay me enough To spend my work day, taking this stuff this jerk say I ain't workin' over time I'm tryin' to hear my name on MTV news up, in Kurt Loader's lines So I work over rhymes, and I'm behind in my paper work I'm late for work, cause I spend my nights chasin' skirts My measly checque don't make it worth the stress That hurts my chest, not to mention I'm emmersed in debt To the top of a turtle neck, pissin' an moanin' But why should anyone listen to me, when I don't listen to no one Consider this as an omen, I could go beserk At any moment, like a mail man fed up with postal work I went from happy to nasty like a Bi-Polar jerk To shoot em down the lounge with the fine foldgers perks
Punch in, Punch out, Lunch in, Lunch out I've been lookin for a building with nice window to jump out Feelin' self destructive? Sick of the daily grime? Lately I feel disruptive, and I think its mailman time *beat changes* Day in, day out, It seems like theres no way out I pulled the twelve gauge out and shot off twenty-eight rounds And watch the pellets spread out, killin my associates My boss is gonna get it now, and find out what Postal is
"Good morning Mr. Schwartz" "Good morning Louis You've been late three times this month already, I believe this is the fourth" "I don't want you misinformed, it's probably more You're not counting the times I didn't sign the time sheet on the lobby floor" "Right, well if you feel your jobs secure, keep it up then" "Apparntly someone hasn't had his coffee and he needs a muffin" "Perhaps you need a breif discussion, a policy refresher And wheres your progress note?" "Oh, I forgot that on my dresser" "Well if this case is too much pressure, we can ease the tension Starting today, you forfeit your pay and take a weeks suspension You really should prioritize, you can't stay up all night Like some college guy, bathing in beer like it's a party life" "Look, I'm sorry I've been screwin up I know I got the perfect job, but I've been working hard on this music stuff" "Well Louis, you need a good job, and I know this one can be tough But rapping isn't real work, and it can be just as hard" "Man, what you trying to stop be from being a star?" "You don't even play an instrument" "Yo I don't need a guitar to season these bars" "Alright well settle down now, theres no need for alarm, try an remain calm" "Or, I'll light this fuckin' office up with guns, fire, and napalm"
You're just another asshole, who wants to see me dressed up in my dads clothes Working underpaid until I'm that old As far as that goes, you'll never live to see it take place I've brought a little present for you in my aftershave case
Punch in, Punch out, Lunch in, Lunch out I've been lookin for a building with nice window to jump out Feelin' self destructive? Sick of the daily grime? Lately I feel disruptive, and I think its mailman time Day in, day out, It seems like theres no way out I pulled the twelve gauge out and shot off twenty-eight rounds And watch the pellets spread out, killin my associates My boss is gonna get it now, and find out what Postal is
[Verse 1: Louis Logic] Yo, I'm best described as the father of sex and lies I specialize in undressing wives, but I recognize When it's time to pull my cock out the hot house Cause I don't want no seeds left inside So instead I'll catch a rise With a wet surprise, from the yogurt slinger And poke a finger up her ass until the motion stings her Depending on how close it brings her to the point of climax That's when I get romantic with her face adjoined to my lap (sluuuut) How would you like to get fucked in the butt I know you probably love to get covered with nut And I can cover your mug with enough of this stuff Whenever my muscle will bust that if you breath in it would smother your lungs (Eww) Eww, what you mean? You ain't had ya fill? I splash ya grill, like lighter fluid at a family meal Or a dyke's face with Vagisil when she bites into it (BITES what?) Into coochie you dyke-slut you know you like to do it
Coocoo chie coocoo chie coocoochie yeah "Bitcheees" "Drop to your knees" Coocooooooooochie "I feel most stickin and chicken, and still side steppin" Coocoo chie coocoo chie coocoochie yeah "Bitches get wet and I expect 'em like that" Coocooooooooochie "I wanna get into it man, you know" "What" "Vagina"
[Verse 2: Louis Logic] Always aim for the torso that's what I learned from playing in pornos While I'm stuffin' tubesteak in her cornhole If I'm late for one more show cause I spend my label's paper on more hoes They'll probably would take me straight to a court show But instead of gettin' screwed on TV I rather fuck cuties Unless of course Judge Judy's in the mood to eat me I usually use my CD to abuse the treaty Of sex between me and my ex in fetus fusion treaty (ohhh) You should see me when the semen's flowin' spewin' freely I squeeze a load in the throat till the chicken's cheeks are swollen Cause if a beep is showin then she gets the worm Catchin' cock in every turn with extra sperm till the lesson's learned I'm less concerned with closed nails and a precious perm As long as I avoid of infectious germs and impressive firms And when I'm tryin to fuck ya chick and call a hoe a slut a bitch It's sufficient so it's not a sexist term
"Now what start you'd done with Dursey" Coocoo chie coocoo chie coocoochie yeah "Bitcheees" "Drop to your knees" Coocooooooooochie "I feel most stickin and chicken, and still side steppin" Coocoo chie coocoo chie coocoochie yeah "Bitches get wet and I expect 'em like that" Coocooooooooochie "I wanna get into it man, you know" "What" "Vagina"
[Verse 3: Louis Logic] Chicks say I'm old fashioned, I don't want a bitch stuck in the kitchen I wanna stuff a dick in her ass while she's touchin' her kitten I like to fuck and forget 'em and try a dozen positions Then serve the mic a sermon like rightin' smunks of religion I pay homage to bondage and good will with a feel And stay up in a prime just for stacks like Will And in the process I like to turn women to objects Penthouse to hen house of birds livin' in projects I don't discriminate on the basis of race or the place that you stay That's hardly a chick I won't inseminate I spread the legs of college chicks, featherweights and solid chicks I make 'em face the snake but I never taste the bottom lips I poke 'em with the Obelisk and flee from the scene Let me explain then you'll see what I mean Cause as much as I love pussy you can't feed it to me You know why? I don't eat anything that bleeds for a week and don't die
Coocoo chie coocoo chie coocoochie yeah "Bitcheees" "Drop to your knees" Coocooooooooochie "I feel most stickin and chicken, and still side steppin" Coocoo chie coocoo chie coocoochie yeah "Bitches get wet and I expect 'em like that" Coocooooooooochie "I wanna get into it man, you know" "What" "Vagina"
Before settin it off {*scratch from original "Factotum"*}
[Louis Logic] ... Fresh from a court runnin from a bar tab Drivin drunk with car lag in need of a barf bag I left my smart half on the hard path to recovery With hangover hovering I took a bath in the bubbly I woke up in the trash, cold clutchin a flask With a wino askin for some from me, but there's no stuff in my stash I'm so stuck in a glass but insist on throwin Rollin Rocks Shades drawn, doors closed and locked, hopin no one knocks I'm in a lonely spot Nowhere, and I want some some Stoli shots Like I don't care if my AA sponsor knows or not I'll spend a week soaked in scotch on Venice Beach with the vagrants Then I'm... leavin for Vegas But I'm penny free, and owe a lot of dough to spot my landlord and old lady liks It's like I said, she likes to collect, she don't babysit
[Hook] "When I get bent, I must represent, no question" {*scratched*} I'm the lush president of the wino section Since you find no lessons in this lonely life, it's like... "Shorty let me tell you 'bout my only vice" {*scratched*} "When I get bent, I must represent, no question" {*scratched*} I been at war with lady liks and can't find no weapons Or find protection on my coldest nights, it's like... "Shorty let me tell you 'bout my only vice" {*scratched*}
So basically, my drinkin schedule's 8 to 3 But wait and see I bet you I can make the rate increase Until I start sprayin my vomit on my Old Navy fleece So sayeth the logic, so say the sheep My next commandment, to drink a case a piece at least To set the standard, a buncha drunks that's dead from cancer Leave your 12 steps abandoned on the way to the bar A convoy that's on joy juice racin their cars Drinkin grain from a jar, that's moonshine to the Leigh men in bars And soon I'm hearin angels with harps Perhaps it's beepin horns and I'm crossin lanes in my car And sleepin on the job but made it so far, I'm thinkin ain't this bizarre It's kinda freezin', tryna find the reason When I realized my gates were ajar I took the Nestea plunge straight to the tar, but never jumped Then I awoke in a pool of my puke where I had left my lunch
[Hook] "When I get bent, I must represent, no question" {*scratched*} I'm the lush president of the wino section Since you find no lessons in this lonely life, it's like... "Shorty let me tell you 'bout my only vice" {*scratched*} "When I get bent, I must represent, no question" {*scratched*} I been at war with lady liks and can't find no weapons Or find protection on my coldest nights, it's like... "Shorty let me tell you 'bout my only vice" {*scratched*}
I was born of beer kegs in college dorms and molotov mixtures Fists up, breakin bottles off niggas Make escape doin the hundred yard dash, comin from a car crash, That's what I call a runnin bar tab, back to the lab When an undercover car passed after my ass Dropped to my knees and my hands in the grass A straight shot to the trees beside my door, but I'd forgotten my keys, plus I had too much brandy to last, so I hopped to my feet My hands were both clasped stoppin the stream If I puked the cop would probably see But he was watchin me flee on wobbily feet, at least that's what I'm thinkin That's when he tackled me stagnant and stinkin I said, "No way occifer, I haven't been drinkin" Then he said, "You're under arrest kid, and we're goin back to the precinct"
[Hook] "When I get bent, I must represent, no question" {*scratched*} I'm the lush president of the wino section Since you find no lessons in this lonely life, it's like... "Shorty let me tell you 'bout my only vice" {*scratched*} "When I get bent, I must represent, no question" {*scratched*} I been at war with lady liks and can't find no weapons Or find protection in this lonely life, it's like... "Shorty let me tell you 'bout my only vice" {*scratched*}
