[Akiva] Yo, straight out the box with my soggy little shrivel I was an eight-year-old girl before the doctor found my dick
[Jorma] We make too much money for this shit Murder music
[Andy] I shit the bed ’cause my dick played a prank on my butt Straight tripped when I slept, and stuck a laxative up
[Jorma] Suppository music! What y’all know about incontinence!?
[Akiva] I got hepatitis C from a horse, but no confusion It wasn’t from the sex, it was a blood transfusion
[Jorma] What? Motherfucker got horse blood! What y’all got!?
[Andy] I write freaky fan fiction where cartoons fuck Got CGI Garfield lickin’ Marmaduke’s nuts
[Jorma] Woo, I would like to see that! This is that Garfield sex music! Now y’all just show me love, preach
[Akiva] I got a friend named Reggie who lives down at the dump (Tell ‘em) Every other week I swing by to bring him some lunch
[Jorma] Oh, now that just sounds nice! I’ma call it right there! Game over, motherfuckers! Lonely Island, we started this fake rap shit The world needs us!
oh dang what is it dawg i forgot its mothers day didnt get a gift for her other plans got in the way she'll be so dissapointed damn i forgot it too this could've been avoided what the hell are we gonna do my mom's been so alone ever since my daddy left cold no one to hold her tight life as put her to the test i know just what you mean my mom's been so sad and grey word my dad can't satisfy her in the bedroom ever since he passed away HOLD UP you thinkin what im thinkin im thinkin im thinkin too SLOW UP what time is it dawg it's time for a switcharoo we both love our moms women with grown women needs i say we break them off show them how much they really mean cause i'm a mother lover you're a mother lover we sould fuck each others mother's fuck each others moms ill push in that place where you came out as a baby no doubt that shit is crazy fucking each others moms cause every mothers day needs a mothers night if doing it is wrong i dont wanna be right i'm calling on you cuz i cant do it myself to me your like a brother so be my mother lover i'm layin in the cut waiting for your mom clutchin on this lube and roses i got my digital camera i'm a make your momma do a million poses they will be so suprised we are so cool and thoughtfull cant wait to pork your mom ima be the syrup she can be my waffle show love my momma loves bubble bath with chamomile straight up give it to my mom d d d d d d doggy style this a perfect plan for a perfect mothers day they'll have to rename this one all up under the covers day cause i'm a mother lover you're a mother lover we sould fuck each others mother's fuck each others moms ill push in that place where you came out as a baby aint no doubt that shit is crazy fucking each others moms break it down it would be my honor to be your new step father it would be my honor to be your new step father ill let you do my mother make me another brother and im gonna do your mother ill never use a rubber OH cause every mothers day needs a mothers night if doing it is wrong i dont wanna be right i'm calling on you cuz i cant do it myself to me your like a brother so be my mother lover they blessed us both with the gift of life she brought you in this world so ima sex her right this is the second best idea that we've ever had the choice can be no other be my mother lover HAPPY MOTHERS DAY
This one goes out from the bottom of our hearts to the most important lady in our lives It's time to pay some respect I hope you proud of us 'cause we're proud of you
Mama! You raised me right Mama! Showed me the light Mama! Through pain and strife Mama! You gave us life
When I fell down you were there to pick me up When I felt bad you were there to build me up Gave everything you had in the world to me and you made me the man I'm supposed to be
Jane, even though I don't say it often enough I appreciate everything you did for us Never take you for granted 'cause it ain't hard to see the best parts of you are now a part of me
Ah Mama! And when it was cold outside, you kept us warm and held us down...
[Mom]Hi boys, who wants a snack? [Andy] MOM, GET OUT WE'RE IN THE STUDIO! [Jorma] OH MY GOD! [Mom] Just checking on my guys! [Jorma] GET OUT OF HERE! [Andy] WE'RE MAKING A TRACK YOU IDIOT! [Mom] Oooohhh! [Andy] JUST LEAVE! [Mom] Okie doke [Jorma] GO! GO! [Andy] YOU SUCK, MOM!
Yeah my one true love, my heart, my ma Show her respect in the form of this song so when life gets hard and it makes you cry I'll always be there to wipe a tear from your eye
My mom's my number one fan, my best friend and I'll never disrespect...
*Door opens* [Jorma] MOM! [Mom] I know you said you were'nt hungry, but I made ants on a log [Andy] GET THE f-ck OUT [Jorma] LEAVE! LEAVE ME! GO! [Mom] So how's your little club going? [Andy] IT'S NOT A CLUB! [Jorma] IT'S A RAP GROUP! [Mom] Well I'll leave these here and eat them if you... [Jorma] FINE! [Andy] GO TO HELL, MOM!
She's an angel on earth with invisible wings I put no one above in summer, winter or spring, or fall...
*Door opens* [Mom] Have you guys seen the remote? [Andy] OH MY GOD! [Jorma] LEAVE US ALONE! [Andy] f-ck YOU MOM! [Jorma] LEAVE US ALONE! *window smashes* [Mom] Watch it [Andy] I HOPE YOU f-ckING DIE!
Jump in front of a bullet if it could save my mom You got a a gun going bullet 'cause you will never see harm...
*Door opens* [Mom] Nevermind, I found it *They all scream/shout/gl-ss smashes* ['Dale'] Laura, everything ok? [Andy] SHUT THE f-ck UP DALE! [Jorma] SHUT UP! [Mom] Hey! Be nice to Dale [Andy] f-ck DALE! [Jorma] f-ck DALE! [Andy] I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HAVE s-x WITH THAT GUY!
This goes out to all the mamas trying to protect their kids from drama Love was your goal to bring No matter what they say, you're beautifull so push them lighters in the sky, wave 'em back from side to side And if you feel lost and alone, let our voices guide you home
[Mom] Is something burning down there? [Andy] GET THE f-ck OUT NOW!
[Andy Samberg] Sometimes (Oh-oh-ohhh) Something beautiful happens in this world (Akon!) You don’t know how to express yourself, so (And Lonely Island!) You just gotta sing
[Akon] I just had sex (Ay) And it felt so good (Felt so good) A woman let me put my penis inside of her (Her) I just had se-ay-ee-ex And I’ll never go back (Never go back) To the not-havin’-sex ways of the past
[Samberg] Have you ever had sex? I have, it felt great (Yeah) It felt so good when I did it with my penis (Yeah) A girl let me do it, it literally just happened Having sex should make a nice man out the meanest
[Jorma Taccone] Never guess where I just came from, I had sex If I had to describe the feelin’, it was the best When I had the sex, man, my penis felt great And I called my parents right after I was done
[Samberg] Oh, hey, didn’t see you there, guess what I just did? Had sex, undressed, saw her boobies and the rest (Was sure nice of her to let you do that thing) Nice of any girl ever (Now sing)
I just had sex (Ay) And it felt so good (Felt so good) A woman let me put my penis inside of her (Her) I wanna tell the world
To be honest, I’m surprised she even wanted me to do it (Doesn’t really make sense) But man, screw it (I ain’t one to argue with a good thing) She could be my wife!
(That good?) The best thirty seconds of my life
I’m so humbled by a girl’s ability to let me do her ‘Cause honestly, I’d have sex with a pile of manure With that in mind, a soft, nice-smellin’ girl’s better Plus she let me wear my chain and my turtleneck sweaters
So this one’s dedicated to them girls That let us flop around on top of them If you’re near or far, whether short or tall We wanna thank you all for lettin’ us fuck you
She kept lookin’ at her watch (Doesn’t matter, had sex!) But I cried the whole time (Doesn’t matter, had sex!) I think she might’ve been a racist (Doesn’t matter, had sex!)
She put a bag on my head (Still counts!)
I just had sex (Ay) And my dreams came true (Dreams came true) So if you had sex in the last thirty minutes Then you qualified to sing with me
I just had se-e-ex (Everybody sing!) And it felt so good (We all had sex!) A woman let me put my penis inside of her I just had se-ay-ee-ex (I just had sex) And I’ll never go back (Never go back) To the not-havin’-sex ways of the past
Secretary: Guys, Michael Bolton is here Oh Great, send him in. Michael Bolton: Hey guys. Hey, hi, thanks for coming Michael Bolton: Sorry I'm late, I got caught up watching that Pirates of the Carribean marathon. Have you seen those things? Oh yeah, yeah, those are, those are great. Michael Bolton: Well, I checked out the track and I loved it. And I wrote you this big sexy hook I think you're really gonna dig. Oh wow that's great, awesome. Should we just lay it down? Michael Bolton: Boys, lets get to it. Whisper: Here we go.
Ungh, Lonely Island, Michael Bolton YEAAAHH! The night starts now Together on the track, the boys are back The night starts now Night starts now baby roll with us, chickens snapping at the neck when we rollin' up. ROLLIN' UP Blow through the doors ain't no holdin' up YEAH Black card at the bar like I gives a fuck. COME ON Ladies shifty eyed when we walk into the set, fuck the fellas looking jealous play the back and get wet YEAH YEAH Three pound in my waist, shank in my sock, you either get cut, get stuffed or get shot.
THIS IS THE TALE OF CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW, PIRATE SO BRAVE ON THE SEVEN SEAS What? A MYSTICAL QUEST TO THE ISLE OF TORTUGA, RAVEN LOCKS SWAY ON THE OCEAN'S BREEZE.
Yeah that was kinda weird, but we're back in the club Buying up the bar so the groupies show us love KIERA KNIGHTLY Motherfucking ice-man, I'm the top gunner Heater on blast, I'm the number one stunner JACK SPARROW Watch it girl cause I ain't your "Mr. Nice Guy", More like the "meet ya take you home and fuck you twice guy" YEAH YEAH! All dressed up with nowhere to run, And now I make you feel crazy with the?? NOW BACK TO THE GOOD PART: FROM THE DAY HE WAS BORN, HE YEARNED FOR ADVENTURE Nooo OLD CAPTAIN JACK GIVING THEM WHAT FOR. HE'S THE PAUPER OF THE SURF (yeah?쫢h huh) THE JESTER OF TORTUGA (oh God) BUT IS DAVY JONES' LOCKER WHAT LIES IN STORE? Yeah, we've seen the movie
Throw your hands in the air and say hell yeah, come on CAPTAIN JACK What? JOHNNY DEPP No From the front to the back say we count stacks come on DAVY JONES Nope GIANT SQUID Wrong Michael Bolton we're really gonna need you to focus up
ROGER THAT LET ME TRY IT WITH ANOTHER FILM
Wait--
LIFE IS A BOX OF CHOCOLATES AND MY NAME IS FORREST GUMP (Not better) THOUGH I'M NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED, I GIVE JENNY ALL OF MY LOVE (Come on!) OK THEN I'M A LEGAL AIDE, ERIN BROCKOVICH IS MY NAME (Nooo, God) THEN YOU CAN CALL ME SCARFACE, SNORTIN MOUNTAINS OF COCAINE (close enough) YOU COCKROACHES WANNA PLAY ROUGH? OKAY, I'M RELOADED
THIS IS THE TALE OF TONY MONTANYA CUBANO FLAME, WITH THE MIAMI NUTS (Take it home!) GOT A BASEHEAD WIFE, BUT HER WOMB IS POLLUTED THIS WHOLE TOWN'S A PUSSY, JUST WAITING TO GET FUCKED!
Ooookay, turns out Michael Bolton is a major cinephile YOU COMPLETE ME! Yup, yeah, ok??
White girls! You are attracted to us! Black girls! You are attracted to us! Asian girls! You are attracted to us! Latinas! You are attracted to us! Attracted to us! But you're never gonna get it Never never gonna get it No you're never gonna get it Because we're shy, we're shy, we're shy We're all so shy You're never gonna get it We're so sweet and shy All you pretty girls We know you want our bodies But we're more the [?] types Yea yea yea yea But you're never gonna get it Never never gonna get it No you're never gonna get it Because we're shy, we're shy, we're shy We're nice and shy You're never gonna get it We're polite and shy Nerdy girls! You are attracted to us! Oh-My-God girls! You are attracted to us! [?] girls! You are attracted to us! Cha-cha-cha girls! You are attracted to us! Space girls! You are attracted to us! You are attracted to us! Cause we are shy
Here's a little story that I think you'll like It's not about Shaq or Iron Mike So buckle your seatbelts, it's gonna get choppy And listen to the tale of the time I fought Rocky
One day me and all my friends were hangin' Talkin' 'bout which of the girls was most bangin' Then one friend says, "You know who's really tough? "Rocky," (hit me home) "the boxer." Man,
I said, "Yeah I know him. What about him?" He said, "He's really tough." "No way, man. I'm calling your bluff "I think that I can take him and, to prove my point, "I'll challenge him in public." (Yeah, that's the joint!)
So the very next day, stayed true to my word And I snuck on T.V. so I could be heard I said, 'Rocky, if you're out there, I think you're a nerd. "And I'll lick you and bury you like a dog turd!"
I got kicked out, but the candle was lit 'Cause the people had to know if my claim was legit It made the headlines and I got the call It was Rocky ("Hey") and he wanted to brawl
We negotiated terms and set the date Then I went into training to add some muscle weight While I punched on meat in a rickety shack He was sippin' on wine, having models rub his back
At the weigh-in, boy the tension was high Me and Rock, toe-to-toe and eye-to-eye I talked some trash, we got pulled apart I shot him one last look to strike fear in his heart
Skip ahead, the big night was finally here My body was ripped and my mind was clear We entered the arena to the roar of the crowd People chantin' my name - I never felt so proud
Faced off once more in the center of the ring Touched gloves, said a prayer and the bell went *ding* He hit me with a left and shattered my face And a right sent my teeth all over the place
Then another great punch caved-in my eye socket He broke my jaw and my trainer yelled, "Stop it!" But nobody heard him and he crushed my ribs Blood sprayed off my face and onto some kids
They yelled out, "More!" and Rocky obliged I had to think of some way to turn the tides So I leaned back to hit him with all of my might Took a swing, but he caught me with a sucker punch right
Then a sucker punch left and a sucker punch right Then twenty-two consecutive sucker punch rights He tore off my arms and beat me with 'em Then threw acid in my face which obscured my vision
He kicked me in the leg and fractured my shin The bone splinters shot right out of my skin People barfed in the crowd; they were going insane And Rocky punched my nose-bone into my brain
I was quivering and twitching when I soiled my shorts Then Rocky pissed on me (customary in sports) The doctor came out and pronounced me dead And that was the night I fought Rocky
Turtle neck and chain Turtle neck and chain Turtle neck and chain Sippin' on a light beer
My turtle neck phat and my chain so thin And I'm sippin' light beer and my crew right here Chain razor thin, light beer in my cup And my sweater on turtle with the neck on puff Huge turtle neck and my chain so skinny Beer light all night stand up get dizzy Light cup beer drink thin so chain neck turtle phat man I won't say it again
Turtle neck and chain Turtle neck and chain Turtle neck and chain Sippin' on a light beer
Turtle neck check with another on deck 'Case I spill something on it Like some light beer? Yes We be bragging 'bout who's chain the thinnest Turtle neck thicker than Delta Burke swimming in the guiness Now musicjuzz.blogspot.com bare with me What they can't see my chain Metal so thin it dissolve when it rain Got more chain than the snow patrol Every one razor thin like an insect's stripper pole
Turtle neck and chain Turtle neck and chain Turtle neck and chain Sippin' on a light beer
Chain so light when the police roll by Man it flow Man it flow And my beer so light you can see right through it like a ghost And I also wear turtle necks Sweaters while I wing my chain like it's stuck in the couch Looking like cookie monster flossing his mouth Find me cooling on the corner sippin' light beer foam You can tell by my turtle neck and chain that I bone
Turtle neck light beer and a thin ass chain And that's it Turtle neck light beer and a thin ass chain And that's it
The rabbit kick the bucket Dogg said fuck it Get my two step on with my turtle neck on Thin ass chain light beer in my glass Smacking that bitches, the ones with the ass Girl you know it's true tell me what it do Oh you like my style say you like my crew Say you wanna be under my chest This turtle neck is like one of my best Say you wanna be under my chest This turtle neck is like one of my best So I guess yo dress no stress Staying fresh is my vendetta I'm a crook so my look On my game go getta The phatter, the puffier, the fluffier, The bigger the turtle neck the more gangsta it is
Turtle neck and chain Turtle neck and chain Turtle neck and chain Sippin' on a light beer Turtle neck and chain Turtle neck and chain Turtle neck and chain Sippin' on a light beer
Yeaahh, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay We at it again, everybody now Hands in the air, its a stick up, stick up no funny business or you get lit up, lit up You test I (I), you gon' die (die) And at your funeral ya mama gon' cry So customers kiss the floor, floor And clerks open cash drawers slow, slow If you don't wanna end up dead You'll do everything Shy Ronnie says Tell 'em, Ronnie!
No one in the bank can hear you Shy Ronnie, use your outside voice We don't have time for this Let's go
So stay on the ground its a stick up, stick up Your wallets and jewels we'll pick up, pick up Unload the cash (cash), move your ass (ass) We gettin' money, tell 'em Shy Ronnie
Please, please use your words Just imagine that everyone's naked Uh, oh! Boner alert. He really pictured them naked. The police are on their way (Come out with your hands up) Good luck, Shy Ronnie Bye, bye!
HA-HAA!
Ronnie motherfucker and I'm back from the dead, Brain bored with the murder, so I shot my own leg Don't get the name twisted, cause I'm crazy as shit I hung a giant ass noose off my giant ass dick
Aye! I forgot this money And also this guy Come on, we're gonna have sex Too-da-loo!
And you can hang from it Cause you don't wanna see my real gun Shots to the sky but your face sound real fun! Ronnie!
Yea let's do this Take a good look at me, you need a bad guy like me All I have in this world is my balls and my work, and I don't break em for no one
Yo hopped out the whip, popped the heater out the glove-y Ski-masked it up, bout to jack these fools, love me Blasted through the door, blazing hell with the shells flyin, Spiderwebbed the flat screen in one shot, babies crying
Got these bitches nose bloody, face down in the shag This bitch is flippin - Shut the fuck up and fill the bag All of a sudden - BOOM, shots from the back room It was a set up, dude yellin "Gettin' fed up!"
Yo we bust out the back, dookie flyin outta my pants You got the keys, yea boy now make that engine dance This shit is stallin, fuck man they strapped up Lets make a brake for it to the crib or the backup
We hit the pavement, dookie bustin all out of my jeans You hop the fence, so we can get away clean We hit the dirt, this rottweiler snarlin and smilin He ripped my pantleg off, a bunch of dookies went flyin
I had to blast, dog brains all in the grass Mixed with the dookie, yeah man nighty night! Time to smash Yo we cut through the park, dookies poppin outta my shirt A hail of bullets from behind, like lead fireworks
Dookie fillin up my sneaks bought to bust, No doubt Pulled off a Isotoner glove, shook the dookies out Yo it's a chase, they want us to be chased Yo duck over here, I gotta ditch some dead dookie weight
Whipped off my stunning? so I could dump the dookie Cop blazin out the eucalyptus tryin to shoot me I blew out his back, that's all she wrote man Yeah, now his chest slapped two dookies for the boatman
They comin man, quick throw these dookies in the trash Hold up more dookie, they comin out fast Yo I can't move my leg, cause I'm stuck on dookie mountain Fifty guns open fire, blood spray like a fountain
Now our bodies all shredded, shots blaze right through me We're done-er than done, done in by the dookie
When you're out at a club and you see a fly girl do the creep and do the creep And if you wanna make friends at the ATM Do the creep And do the creep Well we got a new dance so get up on your feet It's real easy to do and it's called the creep Let your hands flop round like a marionette Pop your knees up and down sh sh shakin' your neck Now pull your waistband up like you expecting a flood And stick your hair down flat like it was covered in mud Trim up your pencil mustache and pop them peepers Put this in your speakers you a certified creeper When you see a country bitch laying out at the beach Do the creep And do the creep And when a fine PYT walks in front of your tree do the creep And do the creep I was six years old when I started creeping My parents took it to their room and I started peeping you can imagine their surprise when they lifted their heads And saw my little ass creeping at the foot of the bed And they knew I was a creep since the day I was born Get popping out of momma like some chemical And the doctor saw my head and he starting freaking Cause I came clean and I came out creeping Nicki Nicki Nicki Nicki Nicki Nicki When I was a girl I creeped in the boys locker room Hide deep inside it was my little creep stalker room As they disrobed I was oogling and oggling Little did they know that for me they was modelling And I would laugh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And they would dance la la la la la la la laaa So pop pop pop your peepers and turn out your sneakers Don't sleep come and get ya creep on with me Go get ya sweating off ya bride at her wedding do the creep And do the creep But when you sneek into a wake and you see a beefcake Do the creep And do the creep When the judge is a hottie and you can't control ya body Do the creep And do the creep So get ya knees flexin' and your arms T rexin' Do the creep And do the creep And don't forget to smile
I was walkin' through the city streets And a man walks up to me, and hands me the latest energy drink "Run faster, jump higher" Man! I'm not gonna let you poison me
I threw it on the ground You must think I'm a joke I ain't gonna be part of your system Man! Pump that garbage in another man's veins
I go to my favorite hot dog stand And the dude says, "You come here all the time. Here's one for free." I said, "Man! What I look like? A charity case?"
I took it, and threw it on the ground I don't need your handouts I'm an adult Please! You can't buy me a hot dog, man!
At the farmer's market with my so-called girlfriend She hands me her cell phone, says it's my dad Man! this ain't my dad This is a cell phone
I threw it on the ground What, you think I'm stupid? I'm not a part of your system My dad's not a phone DUH!
Some poser hands me cake at a birthday party Whatcha want me to do with this? Eat it?
Happy birthday to the ground I threw the rest of the cake, too Welcome to the real word, jackass!
So many things to throw on the ground Like this, and this, and that, and even this I'm an adult
Two Hollywood phonies try to give me their autograph Ground! Nobody wants your autograph, phonies!
Then the two phonies got up Turned out they had a taser And they tased me in the butthole I fell to the ground The phonies didn't let up Tasin' on my butthole over and over I was screamin' and squirmin' My butthole was on fire The moral of the story is
Whoa! I can't believe we're in Japan! Look at all the lights! The food! The people! Wow! We're three cool white friends in Japan (Japan!) We've never been to Japan So we wrote a song about the three of us in Japan And our label has to pay for it Here we are at our five star hotel The one from LOST IN TRANSLATION (In Japan!) The views are amazing And their champagne waiting Because that's how we wrote it (Yummy!) And now the label has to pay for the video (yay!) And pay for everything that we say (no matter what!) For example I'll be getting a massage right now And I'll be drinking some sake (So expensive!) (Who cares?) Here we are at the most expensive sushi restaurant in Japan (mmm!) And now we're at Tokyo Disneyland And now we're in Hawaii for one random shot that our label has to pay for! Cause we're three cool white friends in Japan (In Asia!) The fact that we're white isn't why we're friends But we are white, and we're friends (In Japan) At this point in the video we'll be super drunk (WEEEE!) Standing near some kind of Dragon And then we'll buy some stinky used girls panties Out of one of those pervert vending machines Now we've seen sumo wrestling live Unless we get dropped by our label Cause we're three white douchebags in Japan (That's us!) It's all part of our master plan To get some much needed R&R At the expense of Universal Records Wow Look at all this Japanese money It's called Yen I heard it's worth more than American money Let's dump it in the river! (phone rings) Moshi Moshi Guys it's the label This video's really expensive and- BYE!! Pokemon! Dump it in the River! Our rental car! Dump it in the River! This old guy! Dump him in the river! And now we're flying home first class!
[ANDY SAMBERG] After the club is the after party After the party is the hotel lobby After that, you know it’s diamond Cris And after that, I say, “Excuse me, miss”
And after that, we goin’ back to the room And after that, she’s gonna leave real soon And after that, I crack one more beer And after that, I just stare in the mirror
And after that, I start freakin’ out What the hell am I doing with my life? Call up my mom and get my cry on I order room service, get my apple pie on
And after that, I just walk the streets A homeless dude throws up on my feet And I see just how pointless life is Full on existential crisis Tear off my clothes and scream at the sky Fall to my knees and ask God, “why?”
[SANTIGOLD] This nightlife is killing me I think I’m losing my mind I yearn to fly, yet I sink Stalling tears is my dream
[ANDY SAMBERG] After that, I drive into the hills And trade my car for a bottle of pills And after that, I’m on a vision quest Put my mind, body, and spirit to the test
And after that, I meet my totem spirit It’s a rattlesnake, so I have to kill it Then I drink all his blood and steal his powers Slither around in the dirt for hours
And after that I start jerking off Up on a mountain, jerking off Down by the river, jerking off And that’s when I have my epiphany You can’t spend your whole life jerking off And after that, I’m going back to the city
[SANTIGOLD] This nightlife is killing me No more jerking off Fate only knows what’s in store Stalling tears for me, no more
[ANDY SAMBERG] And after that, I clean up my life Join AA to make it right And after that, I get my thirty day chip And after that, I go sell a bit
And after that, I’m a whole new man Brew complimentary in my hybrid van I give my life to meditation Then sleep with a whore at a Greyhound station
And after that, I have a full relapse Then lose my hand in a game of craps And after that, everyone calls me Claw And after that, I work for Tim McGraw (Hey!)
And after that, I pass out in a sewer Meet a giant fish, fuck his brains out And after, that I’m filled with shame No one but myself to blame Nothing in my heart but pain And next week we’re gonna do it again!
[SANTIGOLD] This nightlife carves hooks in me I’m back to jerking off I tried but could not break free Stalling tears return to me
Started in the club Then he moved to the Hills Really freaked out and drank snake blood Got himself clean Now back in the club And that’s where I’ve been in this song
But it’s stalling tears This playboy life’s too much for me
[ANDY SAMBERG] After the club is the after party After the party is the hotel lobby Stuck in a cycle I just can’t win And after that, it all happens again
Dude you're pretty swoll have you been working out? Uh yeah, why are you looking? Oh no, not like that man, I mean, no homo. Ohhh no homo. Cool
When you want to compliment a friend (no homo) But you don't want that friendship to end (no homo) So tell a dude just how you feel (no homo) Say 'no homo' so he knows the deal (no homo) Hey yo man you got a fresh style (no homo) And you know you got the best smile (no homo) Your girlfriend is a lucky lady (no homo) But your looks would make a handsome baby (no homo) I like the way your shoulders fill out that shirt (no homo) It's hard to pull off but you make it work (no homo) Hey yo I kinda like your natural scent (no homo) Hey yo I kinda like the musical Rent (no homo) Man I cant decide who wore it best (no homo) But I'm feeling Diane Keaton's vest (no homo) I admit it I'm a fashionista (no homo) and I know every line of Mystic Pizza (no homo) and yo damn this rose is something special (no homo) damn we should goof around and wrestle (no homo) lets hit the hot tub and take a dump (no homo) we're all friends ain't no room for trunks (no homo) Yeah man I'm really feeling buzzed right now (no homo) Are you really feeling buzzed right now? (no homo) Yo we should watch this gay porno tape (no homo) but as a joke because we're all straight (no homo) man you could wash laundry on those abs (no homo) Yo I think girls look good in drag (no homo) Hey yo I've been thinking about posing nude (no homo) Hey yo I've been thinking about fuckin a dude (no homo) Or we could 3-way 69 (no homo) Or human centipede in a line (no homo) Or some docking could be hella fun (no homo) Or yeah man I could do this one (no homo) Hey yo no homo but I wanna dress up like Dorothy and butt fuck a dude while he 69s Morrissey Yeah no homo but I wish I lived in Ancient Greece to gave young socrates the illful release Hey no homo but today I'm coming out the closet and I scream it from the mountains like a gay prophet those two words have set me free (no homo) damn it feels good to be (no homo)
