Rolf Harris

> This great big wolf hound's standin' starin' at me,
Lickin' his chops and weighin' me up for tea.
I'm the guy who don't scare easily.
That's the truth, cor, look at that tooth,
And he's just standin', slobberin' and pantin', Lookin' at me.
They never had this great dog 'ere yesterday.
'er old man's bought it just to scare me away.
I bet he's in there laughin', shoutin' 'Hooray'.
And I'm scared to death, and puppy dog's breath,
it's coming faster, it's gonna be disaster,
I daren't run away.
Her dad's got a right to object to the way I dress,
I guess.
But to buy a huge pup to tear me up,
Look 'is jaws and 'is paws and 'is maws are all wet,
It's not sweat, it's saliva,
and he'll be the sole survivor.
Cor, it's pure vindictiveness.
So, when his great mastiff has torn me limb from limb,
What'll his precious daughter think about him.
I'm not very bright but I'm certainly not that dim.
You see, then, her father,
He'll have made me a martyr (you see).
And when me head's been torn to shreds,
Bet she's gonna blame him.
Sounds good -
Aw, I'll turned green.
Still I might as well go in a blaze of glory,
If you know what I mean.
Just the same, I wish I had the courage to run.
Either that or I wish I had a dirty great gun.
Well, if I really gotta die then I better get it over and done.
Cor, that dog's immense,
Still, here I go, over the fence.
Come on, dog, come on, treat me as lunch meat,
Savage me and crunch me, here's me foot, have fun.
(dog yelp, dying into distance)
Here! Just what do you think you're doing?
Oh, am I glad to see you - my darling!
Don't you Darling me! What?
Got no feelings, have ya? But...
Not content with standin' there teasin' him for half an hour, ya haf'ta leap over the fence and frighten the life out of our poor little Great Dane puppy! Come here Tickles boy, Tickles! (whistles)
Cor!

Farewell to old England forever,
Farewell to you numb-skulls as well.
And farewell to the well-known Old Bailey
Where I always did look such a swell.
Singing too-ra-li oo-ra-li ad-dy,
Singing too-ra-li oo-ra-li ay,
Singing too-ra-li oo-ra-li ad-dy,
And I'll see you in Botany Bay.
Now my crime against the whole British Nation
Was to take some dry bread one fine day,
T'was death, or it was transportation,
So they tossed up a coin and sent me away.
Singing too-ra-li oo-ra-li ad-dy,
Singing too-ra-li oo-ra-li ay,
Singing too-ra-li oo-ra-li ad-dy,
And I'll see you in Botany Bay.
Now there's the Captain, he's our commander,
There's the bosun and all of the crew,
There's the first and second class passengers,
Know what we poor convicts go through.
Singing too-ra-li oo-ra-li ad-dy,
Singing too-ra-li oo-ra-li ay,
Singing too-ra-li oo-ra-li ad-dy,
And I'll see you in Botany Bay.
Now take warning you Dukes and you Duchesses,
Pay close attention to what I say.
Just make sure it's you own what you touchesses,
Or you'll join us in Botany Bay.
Singing too-ra-li oo-ra-li ad-dy,
Singing too-ra-li oo-ra-li ay,
Singing too-ra-li oo-ra-li ad-dy,
And I'll see you in Botany Bay.
And I'll see you in Botany Bay.

There's a lake in south Australia, little lake with lovely name
And the story woven round it, from the piccaninnies came
Every night the native mothers croon this lovely lullaby,
Croon across the moonlit waters, to the star up in the sky

Carra Barra Wirra Canna, little star upon the lake
Guide me through the hours of darkness, keep me safely till I wake

Piccaninnies' heads are nodding, drowsy crooning fills the air.
Little eyes at last are closing, And the boat of dreams is there.
Guide my boat across the waters, Cross the waters still and deep,
Light me with your little candle, safely to the land of sleep

Carra Barra Wirra Canna, little star upon the lake
Guide me through the hours of darkness, keep me safely till I wake

My grand-ma and your grand-ma were
Sit-tin' by the fire. - My grand-ma told
Your grand-ma: "I'm gon-na set your flag on fire."--

Talk-in' 'bout, Hey now ! Hey now ! I-KO, I-KO, un-day
Jock-a-mo fee-no ai na-n챕. - Jock-a-mo fee na-n챕.-

Look at my king all dressed in red.-
I-KO, I-KO, un-day. I bet-cha five dol-lars he'll kill you dead.--
Jock-a-mo fee na-n챕

Talk-in' 'bout, Hey now ! Hey now ! I-KO, I-KO, un-day
Jock-a-mo fee-no ai na-n챕. - Jock-a-mo fee na-n챕.-

My flag boy and your flag boy were
Sit-tin' by the fire. - My flag boy told
Your flag boy: "I'm gon-na set your flag on fire."

Talk-in' 'bout, Hey now ! Hey now ! I-KO, I-KO, un-day
Jock-a-mo fee-no ai na-n챕. - Jock-a-mo fee na-n챕.-

See that guy all dressed in green ? -
I-KO, I-KO, un-day. He's not a man;
He's a lov-in' ma-chine.--
Jock-a mo fee na-n챕.--

Talk-in' 'bout, Hey now ! Hey now ! I-KO, I-KO, un-day
Jock-a-mo fee-no ai na-n챕. - Jock-a-mo fee na-n챕.-

> [Chorus:]
I'm Jake the Peg, diddle-iddle-iddle-um
With my extra leg, diddle-iddle-iddle-um
Wherever I go through rain and snow
The people always let me know
There's Jake the peg, diddle-iddle-iddle-um
With his extra leg, diddle-iddle-iddle
The day that I born (oh boy) my father nearly died
He couldn't get my nappies on, how matter how he tried
'Cos I was born with an extra leg, and since that day begun
I had to learn to stand on my own three feet
Believe me that's no fun
[Chorus]
I had a dreadful childhood really, I s'pose I shouldn't moan
Each time they had a three legged race, I won it on me own
And also I got popular, when came the time for cricket
They used to roll my trousers up
And use me for the wicket
[Chorus]
I was a dreadful scholar, I found all the lessons hard
The only thing I knew for sure, was three feet make a yard
To count to ten I used me fingers, if I needed more
By getting my shoes and socks off
I could count to twenty four
I'm Jake the [stops to count]
...to twenty five
I'm Jake the peg, diddle-iddle-iddle-um
With my extra leg, diddle-iddle-iddle-um
Whatever I did they said was false
They said ""quick march"" I did the quick waltz
Then they shouted at me ""put your best foot forward"" - but which foot?
I said ""it's very fine for you, you only got a choice of two""
But me, I'm Jake the Peg, diddle-iddle-iddle-um
With the extra leg... diddle-iddle-iddle-um

Spoken introduction:
Nicholas! Albert! Look, I don't know where they are, but I'd like you to meet
my two pals, my buddies, my two amigos. I'll tell you all about them - well...

I never gargled, I never gambled, I never smoked at all.
Until I met my two good amigos, Nick Teen and Al K. Hall.

Strange as it seems, I met in my dreams, Nick Teen and Al K. Hall.
Here's what they said to me, 'Use your head, just see your life is very, very dull"

Well, I never gargled, I never gambled, I never smoked at all.
Until I met my two good amigos, Nick Teen and Al K. Hall.

So I said to Nick, 'Nick tell me quick, what should a fellow do?'
He said to me, 'Boy, easy to see boy, you should try a cigarette or two.'

Well, I never gargled, I never gambled, I never smoked at all.
Until I met my two good amigos, Nick Teen and Al K. Hall.

So I lit a fag, and I took a drag, then to my great surprise,
I started to gasp, and coughed like a rasp,
And everything spun round before my eyes.

Well, I never gargled, I never gambled, I never smoked at all.
Until I met my two good amigos, Nick Teen and Al K. Hall.

So I said to Al, 'Al, be a pal, what do you really think?'
He said to me, 'Boy, easy to see boy, smoking's kid's stuff, pour yourself a drink.'

Well, I never gargled, I never gambled, I never smoked at all.
Until I met my two good amigos, Nick Teen and Al K. Hall.

So quick as a wink, I took a drink, swigged a glassful down.
First it seemed to hit me, then it turned around and bit me,
And everything went all spinning round.

Well, I never gargled, I never gambled, I never smoked at all.
Until I met my two good amigos, Nick Teen and Al K. Hall.

Well, here is the joke, when I awoke, it wasn't finished yet,
I noticed first a terrible thirst
And then a craving for a cigarette.

Well, I never gargled, I never gambled, I never smoked at all.
Until I met my two good amigos, Nick Teen and Al K. Hall.

Well, take my advice, this smoking is nice and the drinking is really lush.
As you can see, there's no change in me,
I'm still as pure as the driven slush.

Well, I never gargled, I never gambled, I never smoked at all.
Until I met my two good amigos, Nick Teen and Al K. Hall.

Nick Teen and Al K. Hall.

Early on one Christmas Day a joey kangaroo,
Was far from home and lost in a great big zoo.
'Mummy, where's my mummy? They've taken her away.'
We'll help you find your mummy, son. Hop up on the sleigh.'
Up beside the bag of toys little joey hopped,
But they hadn't gone far when Santa stopped.
Unharnessed all the reindeer and Joey wondered why,
Then he heard a far off booming in the sky.

Six white boomers, snow white boomers,
Racing Santa Claus through the blazing sun.
Six white boomers, snow white boomers,
On his Australian run.

Pretty soon old Santa began to feel the heat,
Took his fur lined boots off to cool his feet,
Into one popped Joey, feeling quite okay,
While those old man Kangaroos kept pulling on the sleigh.

Six white boomers, snow white boomers,
Racing Santa Claus through the blazing sun.
Six white boomers, snow white boomers,
On his Australian run.

Joey said to Santa, 'Santa, what about the toys?
Aren't you iving some to these girls and boys?'
'They've got all their presents, son, we were here last night,
this trip is an extra trip, Joey's special flight.'

Six white boomers, snow white boomers,
Racing Santa Claus through the blazing sun.
Six white boomers, snow white boomers,
On his Australian run.

Soon the sleigh was flashing past right over Marble Bar,
'Slow down there,' cried Santa, 'it can't be far,
Come up on my lap here, son, and have a look around.'
'There she is, that's mummy, bounding up and down.'

Six white boomers, snow white boomers,
Racing Santa Claus through the blazing sun.
Six white boomers, snow white boomers,
On his Australian run.

Well that's the bestest Christmas treat that Joey ever had,
Curled up in mother's pouch feeling snug and glad.
The last they saw was Santa heading northwards from the sun,
The only year the boomers worked a double run.

Six white boomers, snow white boomers,
Racing Santa Claus through the blazing sun.
Six white boomers, snow white boomers,
On his Australian run.

> Rolf's spoken asides are in (brackets)
[Spoken:]
There's an old Australian stockman, er, rock band
Trying, but dying
They get themselves up onto their collective elbows
Revert to their sixties instrumentation
And they try again
There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
All together now, and she's buying a stairway to heaven
When she gets there she knows, if those stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for
All together now, with a word she can get what she came for
Ooh and it makes me wonder
(How does it affect you blokes?) Ooh and it makes us wonder
(That's interesting that, yeah)
There's a sign on the wall, but she wants to be sure
'Cos you know words sometimes have two meanings
All together now, 'cos you know words sometimes have two meanings
(A lot of words have two meanings
Um, like in this song the word to buy
Buying a stairway to heaven, bought
[pause] oh no, that's brought isn't it
Well, er, there's lots of words have two meanings)
In the tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven
All together now, sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven
(Miss Given? Just change instruments now. Thankyou very much.
Miss Given ladies and gentlemen. Isn't it nice to have your name mentioned in the song?
Isn't that good. Lovely lady)
[didgerydoo instrumental]
(Quick burst of applause for Ross there, on the free trembler - good one
Can I change instruments again? Thank you.
[clears throat] Nearly finished [laughs])
There's a lady I'm sure that I've mentioned before (yes I did, yes)
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
All together now, and she's buying a stairway to heaven
Ooh and it makes me wonder
Ooh and it makes us wonder
Ooh and it makes us wonder
It makes us wonder
[laughs]

Sun Arise come every mornin'
Sun Arise come every mornin'
Sun Arise come every mornin'
Bringin' back the warmth to the ground


Sun Arise fillin' up the hollow
Sun Arise fillin' up the hollow
Sun Arise fillin' up the hollow
Bringin' back the warmth to the ground


Sun Arise, she come every mornin'
Sun Arise, each and every day
Sun Arise, she come every mornin'
Sun Arise
Ever-why ever-why ever-why ever-why day


She drive away the darkness everyday
She drive away the darkness everyday
She drive away your darkness everyday
Bringin' back the warmth to the ground


Sun Arise
Whoa-oh-oh
Sun Arise
Whoa-oh-oh
Sun Arise
Whoa-oh-oh
Ever-why ever-why ever-why ever-why day

There's an old Australian stockman, lying, dying. He gets himself up on
one elbow, turns to his mates, who are gathered round, and he says:

Watch me wallaby's feed, mate, watch me wallaby's feed.
They're a dangerous breed, mate, so watch me wallaby's feed.
All together now!
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Keep me cockatoo cool, Curl,
Keep me cockatoo cool.
Don't go acting the fool, Curl,
Keep me cockatoo cool.
All together now!
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Take me koala back, Jack,
Take me koala back.
He lives somewhere out on the track, Mac,
So take me koala back.
All together now!
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Mind me platypus duck, Bill,
Mind me platypus duck.
Don't let him go running amuck, Bill,
Mind me platypus duck.
All together now!
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Play your didgeridoo, Blue,
Play your didgeridoo.
Keep playing 'til I shoot through, Blue,
Play your didgeridoo.
All together now!
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Tan me hide when I'm dead, Fred,
Tan me hide when I'm dead.
So we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde,

And that's it hanging on the shed.

All together now!
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.

Spoken
( Waltzing Matilda is a song about an Australian Hobo
I guess you'd call him. He wanders through the bush
land of Australia and he takes all his meagre belongings
wrapped up in an old blanket which is strung across his
shoulders with an old piece of twine and this is called his swag.
Hence the name swagman. Now affectionately or otherwise
he refers to his swag as Matilda, its like his only companion
as he wanders through the bush tracks he finds himself talking
to it as if its a real person. So the term Waltzing Matilda is nothing
to do with dancing at all, it means in fact carrying this thing on your
back through the long lonely stretches of the Australian bush.
Couple of other terms quickly, pay attention because I will be
asking questions afterwards about this, couple of other terms.
A billabong is a pool of deep water, a billy is a little tin can they
boil the tea in, a jumbuck is a sheep, err tucker bag is a bag for
carrying tucker, food bag tucker is food sort of like a knapsack.
What else the squatter is the big land owner, that's enough lets
get on with the song.)

Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong
Under the shade of a Coolibah tree
And he sang as he watched and waited till his billy boiled
You'll come a waltzing Matilda with me

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
And he sang as he watched and waited till his billy boiled
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me

Then down came a jumbuck to drink at that billabong
Up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee
And he sang as he shoved that jumbuck in his tucker bag
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
And he sang as he shoved that jumbuck in his tucker bag
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me

Then down came the squatter mounted on his thoroughbred
Down came the troopers one two three
Right-o where's that jolly jumbuck that you've got in your tucker bag?
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
Right-o where's that jolly jumbuck that you've got in your tucker bag?
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me

So up jumped the swagman and he sprang into that billabong
You'll never take me alive said he
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by that billabong
You'll come a-waltz ....

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me

And his ghost may be heard as you pass by that billabong
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me

All together
All together
Lean on the paddles
Lean on and lift out, silently
All together
All together
Lean on the paddles
Lean on and lift out, silently

War canoe can
Creep along can
Glide along when
When there may be
Enemy near

All together
All together
Lean on the paddles
Lean on and lift out, silently
All together
All together
Lean on the paddles
Lean on and lift out, rapidly
All together
Lean on the paddles
Lean on and lift out, rapidly

War canoe come
Flashing towards us
Crashing towards us
Now we see the
Enemy clear

All together
All together
Fight to kill the
Fight to kill the enemy

Come on and kill the enemy
Come on and kill ...

All together
All together
Lean on the paddles
Lean on and lift out, easily

All together
All together
Lean on the paddles
Lean on and lift out, silently

War canoe can
Splash along can
Sing the song
We know we kept the enemy clear

All together
All together
Lean on the paddles
And bring the war canoe safe home again

mmm mmmm mmmm mmmmm

All together
All together
Lean on the paddles
And bring the war canoe safe home again

mmm mmmm mmmm mmmmm

All together
All together
Lean on the paddles
And bring the war canoe safe home again

I love to have a beer with Duncan
I love to have a beer with Dunc.
We drink in moderation
And we never ever ever get rollin' drunk
We drink at the Town and Country
Where the atmosphere is great
I love to have a beer with Duncan
'Cause Duncan's me mate, yeah

I love to have a beer with Colin
I love to have a beer with Col.
We drink in moderation
And it doesn't really matter if he brings his doll
We drink at the Town and Country
Where the atmosphere is great
I love to have a beer with Colin
'Cause Colin's me mate, mm-mm-mm

I love to have a beer with Kevin
Oh I love to have a beer with Kev.
We drink in moderation
And he drives me home in his big old Chev.
We drink at the Town and Country
Where the atmosphere is great
I love to have a beer with Kevin
'Cause Kevin's me mate

I love to have a beer with Patrick
I love to have a beer with Pat
We drink in moderation
And it wouldn't really matter if the beer was flat
We drink at the Town and Country
Where the atmosphere is great
I love to have a beer with Patrick
'Cause Patrick's me mate - Change key

I love to have a beer with Robert
I love to have a beer with Bob
We drink in moderation
Just one more and back on the job
We drink at the Town and Country
Where the atmosphere is great
I love to have a beer with Robert
'Cause Robert's me mate

I love to have a beer with Duncan
Oh I love to have a beer with Dunc.
We drink in moderation
And we never ever ever get rollin' drunk
We drink at the Town and Country
Where the atmosphere is great
I love to have a beer with Duncan
'Cause Duncan's me mate
I love to have a beer with Duncan
'Cause Duncan's me mate

It's lonesome away from your kindred and all
By the campfire at night where the wild dingoes call
But there's nothing so lonesome, morbid or drear
Than to stand in the bar of a pub with no beer.
Now the publican's anxious for the quota to come
And there's a faraway look on the face of the bum
The maid's gone all cranky and the cook's acting queer
Oh what a terrible place is a pub with no beer.
Then the stockman rides up with his dry dusty throat
He breasts up to the bar and pulls a wad from his coat
But the smile on his face quickly turns to a sneer
As the barman says sadly ""The pub's got no beer.""
Then the swaggy comes in smothered in dust and flies
He throws down his roll and rubs the sweat from his eyes
But when he is told he says ""What's this I hear?
I've trudged fifty flamin' miles to a pub with no beer"".
There's a dog on the verandah for his master he waits
But the boss is inside drinking wine with his mates
He hurries for cover and he cringes in fear
It's no place for a dog round a pub with no beer.
Old Billy the blacksmith the first time in his life
Has gone home cold sober to his darling wife
He walks in the kitchen she says ""You're early my dear""
But then he breaks down and he tells her ""The pub's got no beer"".
It's lonesome away from your kindred and all
By the campfire at night where the wild dingoes call
But there's nothing so lonesome, morbid or drear
Than to stand in the bar of a pub with no beer.

> This great big wolf hound's standin' starin' at me,
Lickin' his chops and weighin' me up for tea.
I'm the guy who don't scare easily.
That's the truth, cor, look at that tooth,
And he's just standin', slobberin' and pantin', Lookin' at me.
They never had this great dog 'ere yesterday.
'er old man's bought it just to scare me away.
I bet he's in there laughin', shoutin' 'Hooray'.
And I'm scared to death, and puppy dog's breath,
it's coming faster, it's gonna be disaster,
I daren't run away.
Her dad's got a right to object to the way I dress,
I guess.
But to buy a huge pup to tear me up,
Look 'is jaws and 'is paws and 'is maws are all wet,
It's not sweat, it's saliva,
and he'll be the sole survivor.
Cor, it's pure vindictiveness.
So, when his great mastiff has torn me limb from limb,
What'll his precious daughter think about him.
I'm not very bright but I'm certainly not that dim.
You see, then, her father,
He'll have made me a martyr (you see).
And when me head's been torn to shreds,
Bet she's gonna blame him.
Sounds good -
Aw, I'll turned green.
Still I might as well go in a blaze of glory,
If you know what I mean.
Just the same, I wish I had the courage to run.
Either that or I wish I had a dirty great gun.
Well, if I really gotta die then I better get it over and done.
Cor, that dog's immense,
Still, here I go, over the fence.
Come on, dog, come on, treat me as lunch meat,
Savage me and crunch me, here's me foot, have fun.
(dog yelp, dying into distance)
Here! Just what do you think you're doing?
Oh, am I glad to see you - my darling!
Don't you Darling me! What?
Got no feelings, have ya? But...
Not content with standin' there teasin' him for half an hour, ya haf'ta leap over the fence and frighten the life out of our poor little Great Dane puppy! Come here Tickles boy, Tickles! (whistles)
Cor!

There's a lake in south Australia, little lake with lovely name
And the story woven round it, from the piccaninnies came
Every night the native mothers croon this lovely lullaby,
Croon across the moonlit waters, to the star up in the sky

Carra Barra Wirra Canna, little star upon the lake
Guide me through the hours of darkness, keep me safely till I wake

Piccaninnies' heads are nodding, drowsy crooning fills the air.
Little eyes at last are closing, And the boat of dreams is there.
Guide my boat across the waters, Cross the waters still and deep,
Light me with your little candle, safely to the land of sleep

Carra Barra Wirra Canna, little star upon the lake
Guide me through the hours of darkness, keep me safely till I wake

> Just like the inside of any big shop,
people were everywhere,
Suddenly business was brought to a stop
when a terrible yell hit the air...
[chorus]
I've lost my mummy, a-ha-ha-haaaa,
I've lost my mummy.
[deep, indrawn sob]
I've lost my mummy, a-ha-ha-haaaa,
I've lost my mummy!
ub, ub hup ub hup hup ub hup hup ub.
People all gathered to look at the lad,
patted him on the head.
[Woman] Where was your mummy, when you saw her last?
Turning to her the boy said...
[repeat chorus]
Down came the manager to fix up the mess,
took the small boy aside,
[Manager] Come on now lad, let's have your name and address,
With a lungful of air he replied...
[repeat chorus]
Well just then his mother appeared on the spot,
gave him a hefty whack [sound of smack]
[Mother] That oughta teach you to go and get lost!
and the little boy's voice floated back...
I've FOUND my mummy, a-ha-ha-haaaa,
I've found my mummy.
[deep, indrawn sob]
I've found my mummy, a-ha-ha-haaaa,
I've found my mummy!
No mummy, I don't wanna go, no mummy I don't wanna, no mummy!
[applause]

> [Chorus:]
I'm Jake the Peg, diddle-iddle-iddle-um
With my extra leg, diddle-iddle-iddle-um
Wherever I go through rain and snow
The people always let me know
There's Jake the peg, diddle-iddle-iddle-um
With his extra leg, diddle-iddle-iddle
The day that I born (oh boy) my father nearly died
He couldn't get my nappies on, how matter how he tried
'Cos I was born with an extra leg, and since that day begun
I had to learn to stand on my own three feet
Believe me that's no fun
[Chorus]
I had a dreadful childhood really, I s'pose I shouldn't moan
Each time they had a three legged race, I won it on me own
And also I got popular, when came the time for cricket
They used to roll my trousers up
And use me for the wicket
[Chorus]
I was a dreadful scholar, I found all the lessons hard
The only thing I knew for sure, was three feet make a yard
To count to ten I used me fingers, if I needed more
By getting my shoes and socks off
I could count to twenty four
I'm Jake the [stops to count]
...to twenty five
I'm Jake the peg, diddle-iddle-iddle-um
With my extra leg, diddle-iddle-iddle-um
Whatever I did they said was false
They said ""quick march"" I did the quick waltz
Then they shouted at me ""put your best foot forward"" - but which foot?
I said ""it's very fine for you, you only got a choice of two""
But me, I'm Jake the Peg, diddle-iddle-iddle-um
With the extra leg... diddle-iddle-iddle-um

> I am a mouse
called Maximillian Mouse
And I live in my Maximillian...Mouse house
I'm very well bred
I'm pure Castillian mouse
And I come from a long long long long long long line of
Castillian mouses
Ole!
But it always has been perilous
Crossing the arena to the supermarkets
Where I buy my cheese..
It's regularly perilous
When I think of bull-fights
There's a quaking in my knees
I've always had
A taste for colourful things
And this day I was wearing my red cortocaportocontrezbutonizonalado
e sulapa ancocobosiasacadelamanorajo et
plato del toros dressing gown
I must confess I've been in gullible rings
For the bull, when he saw what I wore
Came rushing at me
Ol...
(clear throat)
Ole.
But if you think that because I am small I am puny
You are wrong
I stood my ground
I did not move
I could not move
The picador's horse was standing on my tail
So swiftly I turned and I nipped him in the fetlocks
He was most embarrassed
But for the moment I was free
I pirouette to safety and the bull thunders past me
brrrah
Then, I hear the trumpet call for the death
I have resolved to dispatch Senor Toros with the classic pass of the dead one
The crowd screamed ""No, no!"" but
I plant my feet firmly, one (stamp), and two (stamp)
(quietly)
Three (stamp), four (stamp)
Then, from ten yards away I called the bull to me
Toros!
He comes rushing towards me!
(bang, crash)
(Smugly)
I tripped him...
I am a mouse
called Maximillian Mouse
And I live in my Maximillian...Mouse house
I'm very well bred
I'm pure Castillian mouse
And I come from a long long long long long long line of
Bull-fighting mouses
Ole!

Early on one Christmas Day a joey kangaroo,
Was far from home and lost in a great big zoo.
'Mummy, where's my mummy? They've taken her away.'
We'll help you find your mummy, son. Hop up on the sleigh.'
Up beside the bag of toys little joey hopped,
But they hadn't gone far when Santa stopped.
Unharnessed all the reindeer and Joey wondered why,
Then he heard a far off booming in the sky.

Six white boomers, snow white boomers,
Racing Santa Claus through the blazing sun.
Six white boomers, snow white boomers,
On his Australian run.

Pretty soon old Santa began to feel the heat,
Took his fur lined boots off to cool his feet,
Into one popped Joey, feeling quite okay,
While those old man Kangaroos kept pulling on the sleigh.

Six white boomers, snow white boomers,
Racing Santa Claus through the blazing sun.
Six white boomers, snow white boomers,
On his Australian run.

Joey said to Santa, 'Santa, what about the toys?
Aren't you iving some to these girls and boys?'
'They've got all their presents, son, we were here last night,
this trip is an extra trip, Joey's special flight.'

Six white boomers, snow white boomers,
Racing Santa Claus through the blazing sun.
Six white boomers, snow white boomers,
On his Australian run.

Soon the sleigh was flashing past right over Marble Bar,
'Slow down there,' cried Santa, 'it can't be far,
Come up on my lap here, son, and have a look around.'
'There she is, that's mummy, bounding up and down.'

Six white boomers, snow white boomers,
Racing Santa Claus through the blazing sun.
Six white boomers, snow white boomers,
On his Australian run.

Well that's the bestest Christmas treat that Joey ever had,
Curled up in mother's pouch feeling snug and glad.
The last they saw was Santa heading northwards from the sun,
The only year the boomers worked a double run.

Six white boomers, snow white boomers,
Racing Santa Claus through the blazing sun.
Six white boomers, snow white boomers,
On his Australian run.

Sun Arise come every mornin'
Sun Arise come every mornin'
Sun Arise come every mornin'
Bringin' back the warmth to the ground


Sun Arise fillin' up the hollow
Sun Arise fillin' up the hollow
Sun Arise fillin' up the hollow
Bringin' back the warmth to the ground


Sun Arise, she come every mornin'
Sun Arise, each and every day
Sun Arise, she come every mornin'
Sun Arise
Ever-why ever-why ever-why ever-why day


She drive away the darkness everyday
She drive away the darkness everyday
She drive away your darkness everyday
Bringin' back the warmth to the ground


Sun Arise
Whoa-oh-oh
Sun Arise
Whoa-oh-oh
Sun Arise
Whoa-oh-oh
Ever-why ever-why ever-why ever-why day

Now the ladies of the harem of the court of King Catactacus, were just passing by.
All together, now the ladies of the harem of the court of King Catactacus, were just passing by.
Now the ladies of the harem of the court of King Catactacus, were just passing by.
Now the ladies of the harem of the court of King Catactacus, were just passing by.
Now the noses on the faces of the ladies of the harem of the court of King Catactacus, were just passing by.
All together, now the noses on the faces of the ladies of the harem of the court of King Catactacus, were just passing by.
Now the noses on the faces of the ladies of the harem of the court of King Catactacus, were just passing by.
Now the noses on the faces of the ladies of the harem of the court of King Catactacus, were just passing by.

Now the boys who put the powder on the noses on the faces of the ladies of the harem of the court of King Catactacus, were just passing by.
[Repeat 4 times]

Now the fascinating witches who put the scintilating stiches in the britches of the boys who put the powder on the noses on the faces of the ladies of the harem of the court of King Catactacus, were just passing by.
[Repeat 4 times]

Now if you want to take some pictures of the fascinating witches who put the scintilating stiches in the britches of the boys who put the powder on the noses on the faces of the ladies of the harem of the court of King Catactacus...

...you're too late! Because they've just... passed... by!

There's an old Australian stockman, lying, dying. He gets himself up on
one elbow, turns to his mates, who are gathered round, and he says:

Watch me wallaby's feed, mate, watch me wallaby's feed.
They're a dangerous breed, mate, so watch me wallaby's feed.
All together now!
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Keep me cockatoo cool, Curl,
Keep me cockatoo cool.
Don't go acting the fool, Curl,
Keep me cockatoo cool.
All together now!
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Take me koala back, Jack,
Take me koala back.
He lives somewhere out on the track, Mac,
So take me koala back.
All together now!
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Mind me platypus duck, Bill,
Mind me platypus duck.
Don't let him go running amuck, Bill,
Mind me platypus duck.
All together now!
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Play your didgeridoo, Blue,
Play your didgeridoo.
Keep playing 'til I shoot through, Blue,
Play your didgeridoo.
All together now!
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Tan me hide when I'm dead, Fred,
Tan me hide when I'm dead.
So we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde,

And that's it hanging on the shed.

All together now!
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down.

Two little boys had two little toys
Each had a wooden horse
Gaily they played each summer's day
Warriors both of course
One little chap then had a mishap
Broke off his horse's head
Wept for his toy then cried with joy
As his young playmate said

Did you think I would leave you crying
When there's room on my horse for two
Climb up here Jack and don't be crying
I can go just as fast with two
When we grow up we'll both be soldiers
And our horses will not be toys
And I wonder if we'll remember
When we were two little boys

Long years had passed, war came so fast
Bravely they marched away
Cannon roared loud, and in the mad crowd
Wounded and dying lay
Up goes a shout, a horse dashes out
Out from the ranks so blue
Gallops away to where Joe lay
Then came a voice he knew

Did you think I would leave you dying
When there's room on my horse for two
Climb up here Joe, we'll soon be flying
I can go just as fast with two
Did you say Joe I'm all a-tremble
Perhaps it's the battle's noise
But I think it's that I remember
When we were two little boys

Do you think I would leave you dying
There's room on my horse for two
Climb up here Joe, we'll soon by flying
Back to the ranks so blue
Can you feel Joe I'm all a tremble
Perhaps it's the battle's noise
But I think it's that I remember
When we were two little boys

Spoken
( Waltzing Matilda is a song about an Australian Hobo
I guess you'd call him. He wanders through the bush
land of Australia and he takes all his meagre belongings
wrapped up in an old blanket which is strung across his
shoulders with an old piece of twine and this is called his swag.
Hence the name swagman. Now affectionately or otherwise
he refers to his swag as Matilda, its like his only companion
as he wanders through the bush tracks he finds himself talking
to it as if its a real person. So the term Waltzing Matilda is nothing
to do with dancing at all, it means in fact carrying this thing on your
back through the long lonely stretches of the Australian bush.
Couple of other terms quickly, pay attention because I will be
asking questions afterwards about this, couple of other terms.
A billabong is a pool of deep water, a billy is a little tin can they
boil the tea in, a jumbuck is a sheep, err tucker bag is a bag for
carrying tucker, food bag tucker is food sort of like a knapsack.
What else the squatter is the big land owner, that's enough lets
get on with the song.)

Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong
Under the shade of a Coolibah tree
And he sang as he watched and waited till his billy boiled
You'll come a waltzing Matilda with me

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
And he sang as he watched and waited till his billy boiled
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me

Then down came a jumbuck to drink at that billabong
Up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee
And he sang as he shoved that jumbuck in his tucker bag
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
And he sang as he shoved that jumbuck in his tucker bag
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me

Then down came the squatter mounted on his thoroughbred
Down came the troopers one two three
Right-o where's that jolly jumbuck that you've got in your tucker bag?
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me
Right-o where's that jolly jumbuck that you've got in your tucker bag?
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me

So up jumped the swagman and he sprang into that billabong
You'll never take me alive said he
And his ghost may be heard as you pass by that billabong
You'll come a-waltz ....

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me

And his ghost may be heard as you pass by that billabong
You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me