I'm gonna tell you a story that's all about This job I had one time as a talent scout, hmm.
I had a hard day at the office and the boss wasn't in town The day this hired legged guitar picker just happened to come around.
Well, he walks in my office with a great big grin, And folks that's where my story really begins.
He said, “Son my name is Boregard Rippy. I come to you from Tupelo Mississippi. I write songs that'll sing like a bird, I play licks on my guitar like you ain't never heard.
But I'm down on my luck and things are just a little slack. I gotta quarter in my pocket and a shirt on my back. But you buy me some supper and give me a place I can sleep He said “I'll sing you some songs that'll rock your head to sleep. I got talent boy. Said back home they call me the Tupelo Mississippi Flash
Well I knew I was in a room with some kind of a nut When he pulled out that pack of used cigarette butts. So that's when I told him “We can't use you today?? So I handed the boy a dollar and sent him on his way
Well the boss got back and we both had a laugh When I told him ‘bout the Tupelo Mississippi Flash And pretty soon I had the story circling around About this Mississippi nut that we had in our town.
I said, “watch him everybody, the boy's squirrelly! He walks around calling himself the Tupelo Mississippi Flash.??
Well it happened one day while I was driving to my home I just happened to have my car radio on. When I heard the jockey raving about a brand new smash By a kid called the Tupelo Mississippi Flash
I almost wrecked my automobile I went through a red light I hit the traffic cop....Why??
Well my story's got an ending and it's short and sweet The boss man he fired me and left me out in the street But I got a new job now and I'm as learnin' real fast I'm drivin' the bus for the Tupelo Mississippi Flash
And his Cadillac I'm driving that for him too And that yacht he's got. And is there a plane?? Well chauffeur, chauffeur I hear him say Tupelo Mississippi, who ever heard of it...........
Every night I go down to this same little joint Fill up my glass till I reach the point past remembering Where the music is loud the conversation is free A dance or two with someone to keep me from remembering
The fool I've been the hurt I've caused the good woman that I loved and lost For she's constantly with me in memory I go home but I couldn't sleep and after hours I'd be walkin' the streets remembering A good woman's love is hard to find and my woman's love was just that kind
And I'm the reason that she's gone today I miss her so and the price that I pay is remembering I take her to sleep in my dreams every night Then start all over in the morning light remembering
The way it was when she loved me then like a fool how I carelessly Broke her heart then watched my world fall apart I'd give this world for yesterday just to have her love me the way I remember Just to have her love me the way I remember
Well me and Homer Jones and Big John Talley Had a big crap game goin' back in the alley And I kept rollin' them sevens , winnin' all them pots My luck was so good I could do no wrong I jest kept on rollin' and controllin' them bones And finally they jest threw up their hands and said "When you hot, you hot" I said "Yeah?"
When you're hot, you're hot And when you're not, you're not Put all the money in and let's roll 'em again When you're hot, you're hot (La la la la la la la) (La la la la la) (La la la la la la la, when you're hot, you're hot)
Well, now every time I rolled them dice I'd win And I was just gettin' ready to roll 'em again When I heard somethin' behind me I turned around and there was a big old cop He said "Hello, boys" and then he gave us a grin 'n' said "Look like I'm gonna hafta haul you all in And keep all that money for evidence" I said, "Well, son when you hot, you hot" He said "Yeah"
When you're hot, you're hot And when you're not, you're not You can 'splain it all down at City Hall I say, yeah, when you're hot, you're hot You're hot (La la la la la la la) (La la la la la) (La la la la la la la, when you're hot, you're hot)
Well, when he took us inta court I couldn't believe my eyes The judge was a fishin' buddy that I recognized I said "Hey, judge, old buddy, old pal" "I'll pay ya that hundred I owe ya if you'll get me outta this spot" So he gave my friends a little fine to pay He turned around and grinned at me and said "Ninety days, Jerry, when you hot, you hot" 'n' I said "Thanks a lot"
When you're hot, you're hot And when you're not, you're not He let my friends go free and throwed the book at me He said "Well, when you're hot, you're hot"
I said "well I'll tell ya one thing judge, old buddy, old pal" "If you wasn't wearin' that black robe I'd take out in back of this courthouse "And I'd try a little bit of your honor on" "You understand that, you hillbilly?" "Who gonna collect my welfare?" (When you're hot, you're hot") "Pay for my Cadillac?" Whadda you mean 'contempt of court'?" (When you're hot, you're hot") "Judge"
Well I quit my job down at the carwash I left my mama a goodbye note By sundown I'd left Kingston with my guitar under my coat I hitchhiked all the way down to Memphis got a room at the YMCA For the next three weeks I went a hountin' them night clubs Lookin' for a place to play Well I thought my pickin' would set 'em on fire But nobody wanted to hire a guitar man Well I nearly bout starved to death down in Memphis I run out of money and luck So I bummed me a ride down to Macon Georgia on a overloaded poultry truck I thumbed on down to Panama City started checkin' out some of them all night bars Hopin' I can make myself a dollar makin' music on my guitar Got the same old story at them all night piers There ain't no room around here for a guitar man we don't need a guitar man son So I slept in the hobo jungles I bummed a thousand miles of track Till I found myself in Mobile Alabama in a club they call Big Jack's A little four piece band was jammin' so I took my guitar and I sat in I showed 'em what a band would sound like With a swingin' little guitar man show 'em son
So if you ever take a trip down to the ocean find yourself down round Mobile Well make it on out to the club called Jack's if you got a little time to kill Just follow that crowd of people you'll wind up out on his dance floor Diggin' the finest little five piece group up and down the Gulf of Mexico And guess who's leadin' that five piece band Why wouldn't you know it's that swingin' little guitar man yeah
Well, I guess it was back in '63 When eatin' my cookin' got the better of me, So I asked this little girl I was goin' with to be my wife. Well, she said she would, so I said "I do". But I'da said I wouldn't if I'da just knew How sayin' "I do" was gonna screw up all of my life!
Well, the first few years weren't all that bad I'll never forget the good times we had Cause I'm reminded every month when I send her the child support. Well, it wasn't too long till the lust all died, And I'll admit I wasn't too surprised The day I come home and found my suitcase sittin' out on the porch.
Well, I tried to get in, she changed the locks! Then I found this note taped on the mailbox That said, "Goodbye, turkey! My attorney will be in touch!" Mm-hmm창?짝 So I decided right then and there I's gonna do what's right, give her her fair share. But brother, I didn't know her share's gon' be that much!
She got the gold mine! She got the gold mine! I got the shaft. I got the shaft. They split it right down the middle, And then they give her the better half. Well, it all sounds sorta funny, But it hurts too much to laugh. She got the gold mine, I got the sha-a-aft.
Now, listen, you ain't heard nothin' yet: Why, they give her the color television set, Then they give her the house, the kids, and both of the cars! See? Well, then they start talkin' 'bout child support, Alimony, and the cost of the court Didn't take me long to figure out how far in the toilet I was!
I'm tellin' ya, they have made a mistake Cause it adds up to more than this cowboy makes! Besides; everything I ever had worth takin', they've already took! While she's livin' like a queen on alimony, I'm workin' two shifts eatin' baloney, Askin' myself, "Why didn't you just learn how to cook?!?!"
They give her the gold mine! She got the gold mine! They give me the shaft. I got the shaft. They said they're splittin' it all down the middle, But she got the better half. Well, it all sounds mighty funny, But it hurts too much to laugh. She got the gold mine, I got the sha-a-aft.
Well, she got the gold mine! She got the gold mine! I got the shaft. I got the shaft. They split it all down the middle, And then they give her the better half. Well, I guess it all sounds funny, Hoo, hoo, hoo, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! But it hurts too much to laugh. She got the gold mine - I got the sha-a-aft. (They ain't kiddin' me 창?? I got the shaft.)
Well, I don't have to worry 창??bout totin' a billfold n'more. Hahahahaha창?짝 I let my wife tote it; I'mon' be carryin' food stamps창?? You get it, judge? I'mon' be창?짝 Just창?짝 Hahahaha창?짝 Ah, it's not funny, huh? Huh? Huh? Contempt of court? Whaddaya mean? Listen, judge: I's just kiddin'!
Well, if you're one of the millions who own one of them gas-drinking, piston-clinking, air-polluting, smoke-belching, four-wheeled buggies from Detroit City, then pay attention. I'm about to sing your song son.
Well, I'm not a man appointed judge To bear ill-will and hold a grudge But I think it's time I said me a few choice words All about that demon automobile A metal box with the polyglass wheel The end result to a dream of Henry Ford Well I've got a car that's mine alone That me and the finance company own A ready-made pile of manufactured grief And if I ain't out of gas in the pouring rain I'm a-changin' a flat in a hurricane I once spent three days lost on a cloverleaf Well it ain't just the smoke and the traffic jam That makes me the bitter fool I am But this four-wheel buggy is A-dollaring me to death For gas and oils and fluids and grease And wires and tires and anti freeze And them accessories Well honey, that's something else Well you can get a stereo tape and a color TV Get a back-seat bar and reclining seats And just pay once a month, like you do your rent Well I figured it up and over a period of time This four thousand dollar car of mine Costs fourteen thousand dollars And ninety-nine cents, well now
[Chorus] Lord Mr. Ford, I just wish that you could see What your simple horseless carriage has become Well it seems your contribution to man To say the least, got a little out of hand Well Lord Mr. Ford what have you done
Now the average American father and mother Own one whole car and half another And I bet that half a car is a Trick to buy, don't you But the thing that amazes me, I guess Is the way we measure a man's success By the kind of automobile he can afford to buy Well now, red light, green light, traffic cop Right turn, no turn, must turn, stop Get out the credit card honey, we're out of gas Well now, all the cars placed end to end Would reach to the moon and back again And there'd probably be some Fool pull out to pass Well now, how I yearn for the good old days Without that carbon monoxide haze A-hanging over the roar of the interstate Well if the Lord that made the moon and stars Would have meant for me and you to have cars He'd have seen that we was all born With a parking space
[Chorus]
Come away with me Lucille In my smoking, choking automobile
Yeah here comes Amos Now Amos Moses was a Cajun He lived by himself in the swamp He hunted alligator for a living He'd just knock them in the head with a stump The Louisiana law gonna get you Amos It ain't legal hunting alligator down in the swamp boy
Now everyone blamed his old man For making him mean as a snake When Amos Moses was a boy His daddy would use him for alligator bait Tie a rope around his neck and throw him in the swamp Alligator man in the Louisiana bayou About forty-five minutes south of Tippitoe Louisiana Lived a man called Dr. Mills South and his pretty wife Hannah They raised up a son who could eat his weight in groceries Named him after a man of the cloth Called him Amos Moses
Now the folks around south Louisiana Said Amos was a hell of a man He could trap the biggest meanest alligator And he'd just use one hand That's all he got left cause an alligator bit it Left arm gone clear up to the elbow
Well the sheriff caught wind that Amos was up in the swamp Trading alligator skins So he snuck in the swamp gonna get the boy But he never came out Well I wonder where the Louisiana sheriff went to Well you can sure get lost in the Louisiana bayou About forty-five minutes south of Tippitoe Louisiana Lived a cat named Dr. Mills South and his pretty wife Hannah They raised up a son who could eat his weight in groceries Named him after a man of the cloth Called him Amos Moses
I know son Make it count son About forty-five minutes south of Tippitoe Louisiana...
Well, I'm gonna get out my sycamore and shine up my shoes Meet my baby and tell her the news I bet my bundle on a swayback nag And I came home winner with a plenty o'swag
One foot, two foot slew foot drag Swing your honey to the sugar foot rag Do a little jig and a zig and a zag And listen to the fiddles as they play that sugar foot rag
Well, I got a big jug o'cinder and a bottle of wine One's for my honey and the other is mine Sip on the cider and sip on the wine They both sip together and a have a good time
One foot, two foot slew foot drag Swing your honey to the sugar foot rag Do a little jig and a zig and a zag And listen to the steel guitar as they play that sugar foot rag
I'm gonna spend all my money and a git on a jag Swing my honey to the sugar foot rag Walk right up and stomp on the floor And swing up the middle with a shoofly four
One foot, two foot slew foot drag Swing your honey to the sugar foot rag Do a little jig and a zig and a zag And listen to Jerry, he's gonna play you that sugar foot rag
Do a little jig and a zig and a zag And that's the way you play that sugar foot rag
Every night I go down to this same little joint Fill up my glass till I reach the point past remembering Where the music is loud the conversation is free A dance or two with someone to keep me from remembering
The fool I've been the hurt I've caused the good woman that I loved and lost For she's constantly with me in memory I go home but I couldn't sleep and after hours I'd be walkin' the streets remembering A good woman's love is hard to find and my woman's love was just that kind
And I'm the reason that she's gone today I miss her so and the price that I pay is remembering I take her to sleep in my dreams every night Then start all over in the morning light remembering
The way it was when she loved me then like a fool how I carelessly Broke her heart then watched my world fall apart I'd give this world for yesterday just to have her love me the way I remember Just to have her love me the way I remember
