Phil Carney

lord kill the pain

don't want to ask you again
kill my girlfriend
and kill my best friend sam
cause i saw them making eyes again

lord kill the pain

don't want to ask you again
kill my neighbors
and all my family too
they doubt my direction

lord let it rain

don't want to ask you again
drown my country
drown everyone but me
so i can live peacefully

or put me to sleep here
and wake me in japan
i want to speak a new language

drop me a line and pull me out
but do not find me
amongst dead underground
let me hear the whining sound
of a pig drown

and lead me over summery hill
to a place i like to think about
and sedate me with tylenol pills
oh how i love to dream about

drop me a line and pull me out
but do not find me
amongst life on the ground
let me see the burning down
of my home town

lord kill the pain

i can't let you be
cause your beauty won't allow me
wrapped in white sheets
like an angel from a bedtime story
shut out what they say
cause your friends are fucked up anyway
and when they come around
somehow they feel up and you feel down

when we were kids
we hated things our parents did
we listened low
to casey kasem's radio show
that's when friends were nice
to think of them just makes you feel nice
the smell of grass in spring
and october leaves cover everything

have you forgotten how to love yourself?

i can't believe all the good things that you do for me
sat back in a chair
like a princess from a faraway place
nobody's nice
when you're older your heart turns to ice
and shut out what they say
they're too dumb to mean it anyway

when we were kids
we hated things our sisters did
backyard summer pools
and christmases were beautiful
and the sentiment
of coloured mirrored ornaments
and the open drapes
look out on frozen farmhouse landscapes

have you forgotten how to love yourself?

when everything we felt failed
and some music soft in distant sails
but it don't sound like it did before
then i know i'm left with nothing more
than my own soul
when pretty pictues face back
but your coats aren't hanging on the rack
and blue water turns to
a place that i can't get to
a place that i can't

in a room all i feel
is the cold that you left
through the air all i see
is your face full of blame
what's left to see
what's there to see

in the room all i feel
is the cold that you left
through the air all i see
is your face full of blame
what's left to see
what's there to see

what's left to see

halloween in new york
on the way home from london
eight weeks on tonight still
but all the other winter's i spent
she lived in a house
where mission street bends
she slept in a room
where i didn't feel welcome

leaves are turning brown
all over the ground
leaves make like paper
make like paper sounds

way back, back then
i considered you my best friend
but the last time i saw you
i knew i'd never see you again
you lived in a place
off the chamblee-dunwoody way
i took up his space
when they took your father away

leaves are turning round
all over the ground
leaves make like paper
make like paper sounds

going past golden gate
elementary everyday
kids down colorful hill
recess and fire drill
she likes the side without the heat
where the sun don't beat
she likes the cooler side
of washington street

hummingbirds, pigeons and doves
hover rooftops above
light shine down into the tides
over hillsides
see where the bridge and mountian meet
at the mouth of the sea
and where the sailboats live a day
and turn away
with the purple evening

losing our loving hold
in the skies flourescent glow
she takes her thoughts and cares
into the moonlit alley stairs
still in my hand i feel the sting
the sound of bells ring
and the memory of the face
never washes away
the current evening

how have you been caroline
living ok
home in PA
see how the color left from our faces
from when, when we were younger

just yesterday i was making the reach
went for a swim in lover's beach
and there i met friends and i neared the bay
until i felt sick
but you were my friend
don't you know how i needed you then
i felt nervous when you shook and cried
the circles under your eyes
made love til you reached the clouds
through the ceilings and walls that surround

one time you drove through heat and hard rain
three hundred miles in the roots of your pain
things get so far back in your mind
that we don't connect
but you were my friend
at the turn of my life's events
i felt weak in the hold of your soul
and your blood-red eyes even more
but the feelings that stay with you now
get lost over time somehow

i feel the rain fall
down my back
i'm going back
to my place of work
to get things done
to get them right
but i'll mess them up
and i always do
buried in words about you
this year, oh what a year
i layed around
just feeling down
and from our happy room
i watched the seasons as they flew
and then when christmas came
i layed my head to rest in chains
cause with my finished work
i turn my head back
still didn't work
and i put it to bed
you often swore to find me dead
too many times enough
to start again
to give it up
and then the morning came
til i felt day
til i'm awake
cause with my finished work
i turn my head back
still didn't work
i feel the rain fall
down my back
i'm going back

Long distance runaround
Long time waiting to feel the sound
I still remember the dream there
I still remember the time you said goodbye
Did we really tell lies
Letting in the sunshine
Did we really count to one hundred

Cold summer listening
Hot colour melting the anger to stone
I still remember the dream there
I still remember the time you said goodbye
Did we really tell lies
Did we really count to one hundred

she shadows me in the mirror
she never leaves on the light
and some things that i say to her
they just don't seem to bite

it's all mixed up
it's all mixed up
it's all mixed up
it's all mixed up

she tricks me into thinking
that i can't believe my eyes
that i wait for her forever
but she never does arrive

it's all mixed up
it's all mixed up
it's all mixed up
it's all mixed up

she says to leave it to me
and everything will be allright
she says to leave it to me
and everything will be allright

she's always out making pictures
she's always out making scenes
she's always out the window
when it comes to making dreams

it's all mixed up
it's all mixed up
it's all mixed up
it's all mixed up

i can't make anything
of why the brightest light fades
or how you slept a sleepless slumber
and through the rhythm of the timeless season
and you are the dark on my soul
and it's your love that i steal
and you're my cuts that won't close
and this i'm certain
and this i'm certain
and this i'm certain

i don't see anything
through all your worries
and the worst in people
and your'e the builder of your own high temple
and that's the magic of your mind
and you're the reason that i'm down
but you're the promise that i found
and you're all that i got
who's the meanest
and who's a genius
and who's mine

and from the bed you lay and wonder
and from the morning come like thunder
it's the downfall of your time
and you're the dark of our home
but still the home that i feel won't let up
or let go
and this i'm certain
and this i'm certain

You'd think that people would have
had enough of silly love songs.
I look around and I see it isn't so
Some people wanna fill the world
with silly love songs,
and what's wrong with that?
How I'd like to know
'Cause here I go again.

I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you

I can't explain the feeling's plain to me.
Now, can't you see?
she gave me more, she gave it all to me
What's wrong with that?
How I'd like to know
'Cause here I go again.

How can I tell you about my loved one?
How can I tell you about my loved one?
How can I tell you about my loved one?

she comes apart at the seams
cause she never dreams
as she lays up awake
cause her feelings ache
and the one thing she found
as she gazed at the sea
was that she lost her faith
her faith in me

and in the early morning
i can't make up a thing
and a barely can play
i don't like to sing
so i picked up my brush
painted blue guitar
and i ripped off the chords
from 'bron y' aur'

so i played her a song
but the timing was wrong
poor choices of chords
and the words were forced
and the one thing that i found
as i gazed at the sea
was that she lost all hope
all hope in me

as she gazed at the sea
was that she lost her faith
her faith in me

giving into love and sharing my time
letting someone into my misery
i told it all step by step
how i landed on the island
and how i swam across the sea
and it crosses my mind
that i may wake to a knife in me
no more breath in my hair
or ladies' underwear
tossed up over the alarm clock
blood dripping from the bed
to a neatly written poem
a heartfelt last line reading
there is no more mystery
it it going to happen my love

it's all in your head she said
morning after nightmare
you're building a wall she said
higher than the both of us
so try living life
instead of hiding in the bedroom
show me a smile
and i'll promise not to leave you

it happened under a rainy cloud
passing through the dark south
we went into a big house
and slept in a small bed
i didn't know you then
as well as you of me
we talked of our sad lives
and we went off separately
i found your overseas souvenirs
holiday greeting cards
and some long forgotten high school fears
it's all in my head i said
banging a piano
i've not been so alone i thought
since kicking in the womb
i drank so much tea
i wrote my letters in kanji
around the block i walked and walked
pretending you were with me
not wanting to die out here
without you

the hurting never ends
like birthdays and old friends
we forget what is flesh blood and bone is human
turning phone lines to airlines
unwilling to face
the love is found on the inside not the outside
and like a medicine bottle
in the cabinet i'll keep you
and like a medicine bottle
in my hand i will hold you
and swallow you slowly
as to last me a lifetime
without holding too tight
i do not want to lose
the thrill that it gives me
to look out from my window
and scowl at the houses
from my world in the bedroom
it's all in my head she read
in her girlfriend's self-help book
it's all his own making
a war with himself
like two sides of a wall
that separates two countries
he shuts out the world
and wants only to love you

not wanting to die out here
without you

out of the box
down colorful hill
wind lifting tired feet
skin sensing challenge ahead

prayers prayers prayers
for success
prayers prayers prayers
always die in time

losing the dream
face to face sleeping
losing the dream
open mouth breathing

where unadmired beings
dread the due changes ahead

prayers prayers prayers
for success
prayers prayers prayers
always die in time

like empty roofs above
life for poor doves
like empty roofs above
rid of our love

i went as far as losing sleep
i went as far as messing up my life
unloving still strike me different
a million miles away from home
and fifteen from a payphone

where we sat lonely on the sand

you're ten years older
we translate japanese to english
and english to japanese

it's not that simple
this dictionary never has a word
for the way i'm feeling
it's nothing plain for me
of a different god and moral
what if i laid my head down on your stomach
or put my mouth to your hand
i cannot translate
japanese to english
or english to japanese

what i had to say is unsaid
what i had to do is undone
and if it was done
i'm sure it would have killed our hour

where we sat lonely on the stand

above the water the awful gray
our current from japan
didn't sweep away

I can't let you be
Cause your beauty won't allow me
Wrapped in white sheets
Like an angel from a bedtime story

Shut out what they say
Cause your friends are fucked up anyway
And when they come around
Somehow they feel up and you feel down

When we were kids
We hated things our parents did
We listened low to Casey Kasem's radio showp

That's when friends were nicep
To think of them just makes you feel nice
The smell of grass in spring
And october leaves cover everything

Have you forgotten how to love yourself
Have you forgotten how to love yourself
I can't believe
All the good things that you do for me
Sat back in a chair
Like a princess from a faraway place

Nobody's nice
When you're older your heart turns to ice
And shut out what they say
They're too dumb to mean it anyway
When we were kids
We hated things our sisters did
Backyard summer pools
And Christmases were beautiful

And the sentiment
Of coloured mirrored ornaments
And the open drapes
Look out on frozen farmhouse landscapes

*Have you forgotten how to love yourself

michael, where are you now?

somehow in my excitement the last time you called,
it slipped again to ask your hidden whereabouts
i got a lead from your old triple ex-girlfriend, she said
"i heard he lost his mind again"
"again?" i said
i didn't know that you ever did

michael, where are you now?

sleeping through the morning in flannel impaired
getting high in southern air
shoeless, sandy eveing down the unfamiliar
last whiff of salt-water freedom
skipping shells in the dead zone
with the ghost on your side
of the state borderline
whispering
"take it. . ."

do you remember our first subway ride?
our first heavy metal haircuts?
our last swim on the east coast?
and me with my ridiculous looking pierced nose?
i remember your warm smile in the sun
the daydreaming boy without a shirt on
the birmingham barfly father
left the mother of three sons
you're the oldest juvenile delinquent bum
my best friend

She's got big green eyes
And a long Egyptian face
She moves across the floor
At her own pace
When I'm here in bed
She'll jump up on my chest
And when we lock eyes there's so much love
I wanna cry

She comes in near
When I scratch under her ear
And she lifts her head
When I kiss around her neck

Won't go to sleep
When she falls along my side
And two green eyes fade
To a porcelain marble white
And somehow when I sleep
She'll end up at my feet
And if I roll and kick her out
I might knock her to the ground
But she'll come back anyhow

Ella es muy vital
m? triste que salir el sol
pura como el agua
???

The morning comes
She squints up to shield out the sun
And she'll go and lay
In the warmest dusty rays
And I hold her face
She lays perfectly in place
And she'll yawn and stretch
And stare me down expressionless
And lay back down into her nest

And if someone calls
She'll race me out the hall
When she hears the phone
Then she knows I'm leaving home
She don't wanna be alone

And I know it's wrong
That I'm going away so long
And for her it's rough
I can't be with her enough
But I'll never give her enough

Ella es muy vital
m? triste que salir el sol
pura como el agua
???

And somehow when I sleep
She'll end up at my feet
And if I roll and kick her out
I might knock her to the ground
But she'll come back anyhow

My baby sleeps in blue
Warm and naked pale and pretty
I feel the seventh wave
Of the ocean in the motion

I feel a brand new sickness
Coming over me like a storm
Used to feel so good beside her
There next to her my arm around her

She fell like flowers
Petals where carried out on my old wind
Landed down in the centre of this
Lonely white grip of winter

She brought these gifts of love
I carried down in my pocket
I set then on my shelves
And on the night stand by my bed

She sleeps and won't come back again
From pretty dreams that keep her
My baby won't back again
I feel so lost without her

I hear your magic voice on the
Analogue of this machine
I hear the smoothest talk of the
Coolest transparent star field

Will there be any danger if
Our talk is under this roof?
And can you know a stranger
So quickly under this moon?

So go away come back again
I'll shut you out I'll pull you in
Don't go away come back again
I feel so lost

She sleeps in royal blue
And the room down past the big dry desert
The sense of music there
And hope reaches you
And gets you past the motions of
Goodbyes .... (???)
And pulls the deepest winter out of this
Lonely white crippled winter

She sleeps and won't come back again
From pretty dreams that keep her
My baby won't come back again
I am so lost without her

So go away come back again
I shut you out I pull you in
Don't go away, come back again
I feel so lost

Find another corner of the house
When you need to get away
Her guitar leans against the couch
Sometimes I pick it up and play
Loosen and stretch it's ancient strings
Until it sounds the way I feel
Brush my thumb against it soft
Give it life or give it pause

When you look up in my eyes
I'm looking down in yours
All looks good up in the sky
Down to your wooly carpet floor
And I know that I have picked
The most perfect songs out yet
Even on a sketchy day
Just outside her shore we stay

When all it's colours turn and dry
Will you live or will you die?
When all it's poets fall away
Will you go or will you stay?

Fill the void in me now
Making love to me girl
Red light cruising the night
Red light getting me home

Driving down the freeway in your truck
I watched the river flowing up
Headlights cutting through the night
Hear them pass this place in time
And I know that I have slept
In the warmest bedroom yet
Even on the coldest day
Here inside her shore we stay

A verse of hope
There on that reel
Lets you know the way I feel
Ram my fists up in your hair
Feel me cruise up in the air

Fill the void in me now
Making love to me girl
Red light cruising the night
Red light getting me home

Fill the void in me now
Making love to me girl
Red lights float in the night
Red lights getting me home

Fill the void in me now
Smile down on me girl
Red light cruising the night
Red lights getting me home

Fill the void in me now
Making love to me girl
Red lights float in the night
Red light getting me home

Pull the weight of me now
Wrapped around me so good
Red light cruising the night
Red lights getting me home

Pull the weight off me now
Wrapped around me so good
Red light cruising the night
Red light getting me home

Fill the void in me now
Making love to me girl
Red lights cruising the night
Red lights getting me home