I've got a snapshot of your Aunt Maureen She's 90 and you're a teen I'm trying to cheer you up Don't be so mean, don't be so mean
Crash, bam, now you're looking good Tip Top, now you're feeling good Once more, here's your Aunt Maureen Don't you feel good, don't you feel good
Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens, the kind you don't see in magazines Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens, the kind you don't see on T.V. screens Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens Wake up to music And say you're too sick to go to work
Soon, you will lose all your zits Tight sweaters no longer fit Jetsetters will make their pitch I told you so, I told you so
Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens, the kind you don't see in magazines Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens, the kind you don't see on T.V. screens Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens Wake up to music And say you're too sick to go to work
Don't eat that ice cream It is vanilla Give it to me
Don't eat that pastry What's in the middle Give it to me
Don't eat that burger Has it got mayonnaise Give it to me
Keep that mystique up And wear a "D" cup No matter what
Don't eat no curry Before a very Important date
Do I look so knowing and old and wise Maybe it's those Dacron ties How come you keep asking me For Tips For Teens, for Tips For Teens
Crash, bam, now you're looking good Tip Top, now you're feeling good Once more, here's your Aunt Maureen Don't you feel good, don't you feel good
Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens, the kind you don't see in magazines Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens, the kind you don't see on T.V. screens Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens Wake up to music And say you're too sick to go to work
I looked a lot like a Vogue Magazine Perfect and smooth, they all called me a dream Flawless and loveless, no intimacy I only lived to be seen
Not to be touched, too clean
Funny Face, I want a Funny Face Funny Face, I want a Funny Face
Billions of dollars are spent on the face Covering, smoothing, and changing the shape Everyone wanted a face just like mine Nobody wanted me Only to look like me
Funny Face, I want a Funny Face Funny Face, I want a Funny Face
I'm ungrateful but I don't care I hear comments from everywhere Probably nothing behind the face The face, the face
That was the day that I jumped off the bridge Trying to end it all, I barely lived Doctor Lamaar said "your face is a mess" All of the rest you can guess
I got my one request (He got his one request) And I am happy, yes (And he is happy, yes) I got my one request (He got his Funny Face) And I am happy, yes And I am happy, happy, happy, happy, happy
Funny Face, I got my Funny Face Funny Face, I got my Funny Face
Where's my girl, who stole my girl Where's my girl, who stole my girl, tell me where can she be Well, here's a plea to you listeners everywhere Help me to find my baby She's incredible, keep your hands off of her Keep off, keep off, keep off
Where's my girl, who stole my girl Where's my girl, who stole my girl, tell me where can she be Well, here's a photo a couple of years ago She is quite a bit better She is better, and out of my life and it's too bad, too bad, it's too bad that...
She's been seen with Belmondo Eating snails in some bistro Seen in London and seen in Spain Seen in L.A. with the Dodger team Seen in Tokyo with Mifune Having sushi and hot sake Calm down, calm down, calm down
Where's my girl, I'm calmer now Where's my girl, I want her now A joke's a joke, I want her now Where's my girl, who stole my girl
Well, no one has any principles nowadays No one has any principles No one has any principles nowadays No one, no one
No one has that integrity nowadays No one has that integrity No one has that integrity nowadays No one, no one
Never will I look at another girl Never will I look Never will I look at another girl Hey wait, hey wait Here she is
Man there's so much stuff up here A quarter pound of lean ideas Half a pound of dirty jokes One pound of non-essential quotes
It's where the dreamin' starts (Upstairs) It's where the jokin' starts (Upstairs) You got some small ideas (Upstairs) You got some big ideas (Upstairs) It's where you calculate It's where you speculate
Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of there Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of there Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of my head
You are low on foreign words Better meet a foreign girl Take a foreign girl upstairs And learn a lot of foreign words
A little enchante (Upstairs) A little hey, ole (Upstairs) Ich heisse Billy Boy (Upstairs) A little soya sauce (Upstairs) You got some big ideas You got some big ideas
Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of there Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of there Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of my head
When you want the art to start You cue the left side and the art will Start to flow and flow and flow And leave a stain on all your carpets
Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of there Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of there Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of my head
When you want the intellect You cue the right side and you can Collect the Nobel Prize in person Or have someone mail it to you
Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of there Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of there Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of my head
Crammed with common phobias Still, it's a utopia This is where you kill a guy And you know he's still alive
Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of there Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of there Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of my head
Well, she came down from the sky She couldn't stand the attitude there She took human form, not bad She seemed different She had a European flair And I said, "where you from?" And she said, she said, "I'm from Mars"
I married a Martian Her loving is different Viva la difference Every, every night I married a Martian I took her to Vegas I dressed her in ermine She had the time of her life
Though she called me Mister Right I could sense something was wrong She was hardly home at all She'd keep telling me She was doing studies of Earth She had tendencies to flirt And it really did hurt me
I married a Martian Boy, am I sorry I don't recommend it To anyone in their right mind
I married a Martian I think I see changes I know I see changes She doesn't look like our kind
Her arms, her legs, Were growing and growing Her form, once thin, Was changing, was changing I can't describe The changes, so gruesome She looked, she seemed So Martian
I married a Martian I'm going to Vegas It isn't for pleasure I'm getting a quickie divorce
I married a Martian Boy, am I sorry I don't recommend it To anyone in their right mind
I married a Martian Who was I kidding She only had loved me 'Cause I was the first guy she saw
I married a Martian And now it is over Go back to your cronies Back to your own form of life
I married a Martian They're good in the movies Dramatic potential But they're not so hot in real life
It started on a Tuesday It must have been that lunch meat I haven't been intimate And anyway, I'm careful (We know what you got, boy) (We know what you got, boy) (We know what you got, boy)
They call it the Willys They call it the Willys You shiver and shake You're doin' Swan Lake All over the place
Has everyone gone Christian Well, glory Hallelujah But I'm beyond salvation I haven't got a prayer (The Willys do this to ya) (The Willys do this to ya) (The Willys do this to ya, to ya)
They call it the Willys They call it the Willys It's hard to explain Like Citizen Kane To someone who's blind
They call it the Willys They call it the Willys You shiver and shake You're doin' Swan Lake All over the place
(We know what you got boy, we know what you got boy, we know what you got boy)
(Physically) Physically, I'm splendid (Mentally) Mentally, I'm splendid (Morally) Morally he is lax And maybe that's the problem
(We know what you got boy) (We know what you got boy) (We know what you got boy, what you got)
They call it the Willys They call it the Willys You shiver and shake You're doin' Swan Lake All over the place
They call it the Willys They call it the Willys They call it the Willys
The Willys do this to you) (The Willys do this to you) (The Willys do this to you, to you)
(We know what you got, boy) (We know what you got, boy) (We know what you got, boy, what you got what you got, what you got)
They call it the Willys, etc.
They call it the Willys They call it the Willys I'm speaking Chinese I'm swinging from trees I'm wearing your gowns
I am a rhino Plodding the jungle Dinnertime's here and "Baby I'm home" Me and my baby We are so happy Then I smell vinyl "Darling, let's run!"
Don't shoot me Don't shoot me down Don't shoot me Don't shoot me down
I am a hippo Sloshing through mud and
Work is now over "Baby, I'm home" Isn't she lovely Makes me feel comfy Then I smell Jeeps and "Darling, let's run!"
I'm a poor slob from Reno, Nevada I am a hunter of Rhinos and hippos Then I come home from
Months in the bush I'm tired, I'm weary "Darling, I'm home" "Darling, darling, what's wrong?" "Darling, darling, what's wrong?" "Darling, darling, who's he?"
Don't shoot me Don't shoot me down, down Don't shoot me Don't shoot me down, down, down Nice shooting Nice shooting, dear, dear, dear, dear Nice shooting, Nice shooting, dear
I looked up in the sun And I didn't shade my eyes Then a girl appeared and said "Here, these are your size"
Suzie Safety Suzie Safety (That's my Suzie)
Suzie Safety (She's my safety)
I tried to cross the street And I almost got mowed down But the softest little hand yanked me back
To safer ground
She says, no smoking She says, no drink You should wear a parka I'm really safe but I kind of resent Suzie Safety Suzie Safety (That's my Suzie) Suzie Safety (She's my safety)
When she's near to me And there's no one else around And I can't control myself She says, "safety first, pal"
She says no speeding And always eat right Watch your fats and starches I'm really safe but I kind of resent Suzie Safety Suzie Safety (That's my Suzie) Suzie Safety (She's my safety)
Man, there's never been a girl like this That's not Nastassia What an influential little miss That's not Nastassia Imitation is a form of flattery, I'm told She is getting flattered where it's hot and where it's cold That's not Nastassia That's not Nastassia That's not Nastassia
She is on the news again tonight That's not Nastassia Someone looking like her stole a bike That's not Nastassia Maby it's a fad, a sort of modern Hula Hoop Still, it's of their own free will, no one has been duped That's not Nastassia, etc
What a sense of power to have sway around the world What a sense of power to control a billion girls Change your hair style, they change theirs Change your nail style, they change theirs That's not Nastassia
Presidental wives and topless maids That's not Nastassia More or less identically the same That's not Nastassia If I wasn't masculine, I would join the craze Dye my hair and take on those Nastassianic ways
That's not Nastassia That's not Nastassia That's not Nastassia That's Nastassia
That's not Nastassia That's Nastassia
Now she wants some anonymity That's not Nastassia And all the rest want anonymity That's not Nastassia She should just forget it, it's a carbon copy world When she starts to fade away, everyone will fade
That's not Nastassia That's not Nastassia That's not Nastassia That's Nastassia That's not Nastassia That's Nastassia
That is what I had intended, pretending to be drunk A little bit change in character, I'm pretending to be drunk You think I am weak and feeble, you think I'm a bore When you drag me to a party, soon I'm out the door Next time I'll portray a suave sophisticated hunk That is what I had intended, pretending to be drunk
That is what I had intended, pretending to be drunk A bit of I have lived and loved, I'm pretending to be drunk You say I could use some swagger, you say toughen up I am rigid as a board, you tell me loosen up I'm so loose and I'm so tough that I can barely move That is what I had intended, pretending to be drunk
You notice a transformation, pretending to be drunk I've lost all my inhibitions, pretending to be drunk You can take me to the soiree and be proud of me Everyone will be impressed, I'll pass out on your knee And now I am so continental, they think that it's nice Think I'll pretend to be drunk for the rest of my life Well that is what I had intended, pretending to be drunk
Everybody move Move it on up and move it down Sweet little thing ease it down Fall in the pool and you'll drown Everybody move Wear out the soles of your shoes Wear out the soles of your feet Move to the beat, toute de suite There's a red lite a comin' There's a red lite a comin' Slam on the brakes and slow down Everybody move Unwanted pounds will disappear You'll have an itty bitty rear Better lay off of the beer There's a new thang a comin' There's a new thang a comin' Better do something with your hair --------------------------------------------------------
There's a round-up at the love corral And the air is full of dust And I think it's going pretty well But I'm trying to adjust As we walk along the boulevard With a hand in hand, in hand And who cares if people stare at us 'Cause they'll never understand
Sisters, where is the jealousy, is it there? Sisters, is this a felony anywhere? Who cares? I see a double moon in the sky Sisters, an oversupply
Do I have to be a diplomat When I hear you fuss and fight? Do I have to be an acrobat As I try to get it right? There's a double moon up in the sky And it's shining down on me And I know that I'm a lucky guy That's my biography
Sisters, where is the jealousy, is it there? Sisters, is this a felony anywhere? Who cares? I see a double moon in the sky Sisters, an oversupply
My arms are full, my lips are sore By morning we could face the light
And I know if I was wrong for you I would feel a little down Well it wouldn't be disastrous I would still have you around
Sisters, where is the jealousy, is it there? Sisters, is this a felony anywhere? Who cares? I see a double moon in the sky Sisters, an oversupply
