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| 1. |
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I've got a snapshot of your Aunt Maureen
She's 90 and you're a teen I'm trying to cheer you up Don't be so mean, don't be so mean Crash, bam, now you're looking good Tip Top, now you're feeling good Once more, here's your Aunt Maureen Don't you feel good, don't you feel good Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens, the kind you don't see in magazines Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens, the kind you don't see on T.V. screens Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens Wake up to music And say you're too sick to go to work Soon, you will lose all your zits Tight sweaters no longer fit Jetsetters will make their pitch I told you so, I told you so Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens, the kind you don't see in magazines Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens, the kind you don't see on T.V. screens Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens Wake up to music And say you're too sick to go to work Don't eat that ice cream It is vanilla Give it to me Don't eat that pastry What's in the middle Give it to me Don't eat that burger Has it got mayonnaise Give it to me Keep that mystique up And wear a "D" cup No matter what Don't eat no curry Before a very Important date Do I look so knowing and old and wise Maybe it's those Dacron ties How come you keep asking me For Tips For Teens, for Tips For Teens Crash, bam, now you're looking good Tip Top, now you're feeling good Once more, here's your Aunt Maureen Don't you feel good, don't you feel good Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens, the kind you don't see in magazines Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens, the kind you don't see on T.V. screens Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens Wake up to music And say you're too sick to go to work |
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| 2. |
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I looked a lot like a Vogue Magazine
Perfect and smooth, they all called me a dream Flawless and loveless, no intimacy I only lived to be seen Not to be touched, too clean Funny Face, I want a Funny Face Funny Face, I want a Funny Face Billions of dollars are spent on the face Covering, smoothing, and changing the shape Everyone wanted a face just like mine Nobody wanted me Only to look like me Funny Face, I want a Funny Face Funny Face, I want a Funny Face I'm ungrateful but I don't care I hear comments from everywhere Probably nothing behind the face The face, the face That was the day that I jumped off the bridge Trying to end it all, I barely lived Doctor Lamaar said "your face is a mess" All of the rest you can guess I got my one request (He got his one request) And I am happy, yes (And he is happy, yes) I got my one request (He got his Funny Face) And I am happy, yes And I am happy, happy, happy, happy, happy Funny Face, I got my Funny Face Funny Face, I got my Funny Face |
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| 3. |
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(Where's my girl, who stole my girl)
Where's my girl, who stole my girl Where's my girl, who stole my girl, tell me where can she be Well, here's a plea to you listeners everywhere Help me to find my baby She's incredible, keep your hands off of her Keep off, keep off, keep off Where's my girl, who stole my girl Where's my girl, who stole my girl, tell me where can she be Well, here's a photo a couple of years ago She is quite a bit better She is better, and out of my life and it's too bad, too bad, it's too bad that... She's been seen with Belmondo Eating snails in some bistro Seen in London and seen in Spain Seen in L.A. with the Dodger team Seen in Tokyo with Mifune Having sushi and hot sake Calm down, calm down, calm down Where's my girl, I'm calmer now Where's my girl, I want her now A joke's a joke, I want her now Where's my girl, who stole my girl Well, no one has any principles nowadays No one has any principles No one has any principles nowadays No one, no one No one has that integrity nowadays No one has that integrity No one has that integrity nowadays No one, no one Never will I look at another girl Never will I look Never will I look at another girl Hey wait, hey wait Here she is |
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| 4. |
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Man there's so much stuff up here
A quarter pound of lean ideas Half a pound of dirty jokes One pound of non-essential quotes It's where the dreamin' starts (Upstairs) It's where the jokin' starts (Upstairs) You got some small ideas (Upstairs) You got some big ideas (Upstairs) It's where you calculate It's where you speculate Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of there Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of there Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of my head You are low on foreign words Better meet a foreign girl Take a foreign girl upstairs And learn a lot of foreign words A little enchante (Upstairs) A little hey, ole (Upstairs) Ich heisse Billy Boy (Upstairs) A little soya sauce (Upstairs) You got some big ideas You got some big ideas Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of there Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of there Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of my head When you want the art to start You cue the left side and the art will Start to flow and flow and flow And leave a stain on all your carpets Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of there Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of there Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of my head When you want the intellect You cue the right side and you can Collect the Nobel Prize in person Or have someone mail it to you Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of there Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of there Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of my head Crammed with common phobias Still, it's a utopia This is where you kill a guy And you know he's still alive Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of there Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of there Upstairs, Upstairs, why don't you get out of my head |
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Well, I married a Martian
And boy, am I sorry Well, she came down from the sky She couldn't stand the attitude there She took human form, not bad She seemed different She had a European flair And I said, "where you from?" And she said, she said, "I'm from Mars" I married a Martian Her loving is different Viva la difference Every, every night I married a Martian I took her to Vegas I dressed her in ermine She had the time of her life Though she called me Mister Right I could sense something was wrong She was hardly home at all She'd keep telling me She was doing studies of Earth She had tendencies to flirt And it really did hurt me I married a Martian Boy, am I sorry I don't recommend it To anyone in their right mind I married a Martian I think I see changes I know I see changes She doesn't look like our kind Her arms, her legs, Were growing and growing Her form, once thin, Was changing, was changing I can't describe The changes, so gruesome She looked, she seemed So Martian I married a Martian I'm going to Vegas It isn't for pleasure I'm getting a quickie divorce I married a Martian Boy, am I sorry I don't recommend it To anyone in their right mind I married a Martian Who was I kidding She only had loved me 'Cause I was the first guy she saw I married a Martian And now it is over Go back to your cronies Back to your own form of life I married a Martian They're good in the movies Dramatic potential But they're not so hot in real life |
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| 6. |
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It started on a Tuesday
It must have been that lunch meat I haven't been intimate And anyway, I'm careful (We know what you got, boy) (We know what you got, boy) (We know what you got, boy) They call it the Willys They call it the Willys You shiver and shake You're doin' Swan Lake All over the place Has everyone gone Christian Well, glory Hallelujah But I'm beyond salvation I haven't got a prayer (The Willys do this to ya) (The Willys do this to ya) (The Willys do this to ya, to ya) They call it the Willys They call it the Willys It's hard to explain Like Citizen Kane To someone who's blind They call it the Willys They call it the Willys You shiver and shake You're doin' Swan Lake All over the place (We know what you got boy, we know what you got boy, we know what you got boy) (Physically) Physically, I'm splendid (Mentally) Mentally, I'm splendid (Morally) Morally he is lax And maybe that's the problem (We know what you got boy) (We know what you got boy) (We know what you got boy, what you got) They call it the Willys They call it the Willys You shiver and shake You're doin' Swan Lake All over the place They call it the Willys They call it the Willys They call it the Willys The Willys do this to you) (The Willys do this to you) (The Willys do this to you, to you) (We know what you got, boy) (We know what you got, boy) (We know what you got, boy, what you got what you got, what you got) They call it the Willys, etc. They call it the Willys They call it the Willys I'm speaking Chinese I'm swinging from trees I'm wearing your gowns |
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I am a rhino
Plodding the jungle Dinnertime's here and "Baby I'm home" Me and my baby We are so happy Then I smell vinyl "Darling, let's run!" Don't shoot me Don't shoot me down Don't shoot me Don't shoot me down I am a hippo Sloshing through mud and Work is now over "Baby, I'm home" Isn't she lovely Makes me feel comfy Then I smell Jeeps and "Darling, let's run!" I'm a poor slob from Reno, Nevada I am a hunter of Rhinos and hippos Then I come home from Months in the bush I'm tired, I'm weary "Darling, I'm home" "Darling, darling, what's wrong?" "Darling, darling, what's wrong?" "Darling, darling, who's he?" Don't shoot me Don't shoot me down, down Don't shoot me Don't shoot me down, down, down Nice shooting Nice shooting, dear, dear, dear, dear Nice shooting, Nice shooting, dear |
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I looked up in the sun
And I didn't shade my eyes Then a girl appeared and said "Here, these are your size" Suzie Safety Suzie Safety (That's my Suzie) Suzie Safety (She's my safety) I tried to cross the street And I almost got mowed down But the softest little hand yanked me back To safer ground She says, no smoking She says, no drink You should wear a parka I'm really safe but I kind of resent Suzie Safety Suzie Safety (That's my Suzie) Suzie Safety (She's my safety) When she's near to me And there's no one else around And I can't control myself She says, "safety first, pal" She says no speeding And always eat right Watch your fats and starches I'm really safe but I kind of resent Suzie Safety Suzie Safety (That's my Suzie) Suzie Safety (She's my safety) She's safe in my arms And I'm safe in hers |
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| 9. |
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Man, there's never been a girl like this
That's not Nastassia What an influential little miss That's not Nastassia Imitation is a form of flattery, I'm told She is getting flattered where it's hot and where it's cold That's not Nastassia That's not Nastassia That's not Nastassia She is on the news again tonight That's not Nastassia Someone looking like her stole a bike That's not Nastassia Maby it's a fad, a sort of modern Hula Hoop Still, it's of their own free will, no one has been duped That's not Nastassia, etc What a sense of power to have sway around the world What a sense of power to control a billion girls Change your hair style, they change theirs Change your nail style, they change theirs That's not Nastassia Presidental wives and topless maids That's not Nastassia More or less identically the same That's not Nastassia If I wasn't masculine, I would join the craze Dye my hair and take on those Nastassianic ways That's not Nastassia That's not Nastassia That's not Nastassia That's Nastassia That's not Nastassia That's Nastassia Now she wants some anonymity That's not Nastassia And all the rest want anonymity That's not Nastassia She should just forget it, it's a carbon copy world When she starts to fade away, everyone will fade That's not Nastassia That's not Nastassia That's not Nastassia That's Nastassia That's not Nastassia That's Nastassia |
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Wack Wack Wacky Wacky Women
Wack Wack Wacky Wacky Women Hello, everybody, this is Russell Right before I sing I'm gonna make a muscle Now that's out of my system Here's some Munchen wisdom They're cool and they know it Don't drool or you'll blow it Wack Wack Wacky Wacky Women Wack Wack Wacky Wacky Women All they like is sex and sitcoms Try to be suave, they'll kick you in the bonbons Medic, Medic, Medic, Medic There goes my athletics I'm bananas over I'm bananas over Wack Wack Wacky Wacky Women Wack Wack Wacky Wacky Women Order in the court and here's the charges Under the influence of Wacky Women How do you plead, quit making muscles "Guilty, Guilty" Have mercy you honor Show compassion you honor My feelings are genuine Don't take me away from them |
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