Disc 1 | ||||||
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1. |
| 3:28 | ||||
do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
do you not play dirty when engaged in competition? do you have a big intellectual capacity but know that it alone does not equate wisdom? do you see everything as an illusion? but enjoy it even though you are not of it? are you both masculine and feminine? politically aware? and don't believe in capital punishment? these are 21 things that I want in a lover not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that loving someone can actually feel like freedom? are you funny? ?la self-deprecating? like adventure? and have many formed opinions? * these are 21 things that I want in a lover not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter these are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover I'm in no hurry I could wait forever I'm in no rush cuz I like being solo there are no worries and certainly no pressure in the meantime I'll live like there's no tomorrow are you uninhibited in bed? more than three times a week? up for being experimental? are you athletic? are you thriving in a job that helps your brother? are you not addicted? *Repeat |
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2. |
| 3:38 | ||||
Dear momma's boy I know you've had your butt licked by your mother
I know you've enjoyed all that attention from her And every woman graced with your presence after Dear narcissus boy I know you've never really apologized for anything I know you've never really taken responsibility I know you've never really listened to a woman Dear me-show boy I know you're not really into conflict resolution Or seeing both sides of every equation Or having an uninterrupted conversation And any talk of healthiness And any talk of connectedness And any talk of resolving this Leaves you running for the door (why why do I try to love you Try to love you when you really don't want me To) Dear egotist boy you've never really had to suffer any consequence You've never stayed with anyone longer than ten minutes You'd never understand anyone showing resistance Dear popular boy I know you're used to getting everything so easily A stranger to the concept of reciprocity People honor boys like you in this society And any talk of selflessness And any talk of working at this And any talk of being of service Leaves you running for the door (why why do I try to help you try to help you When you really don't want me to) You go back to the women who will dance the dance You go back to your friends who will lick your ass You go back to ignoring all the rest of us You go back to the center of your universe Dear self centered boy I don't know why I still feel affected by you I've never lasted very long with someone like you I never did although I have to admit I wanted to Dear magnetic boy you've never been with anyone who doesn't take your shit You've never been with anyone who's dared to call you on it I wonder how you'd be if someone were to call you on it And any talk of willingness And any talk of both feet in And any talk of commitment Leaves you running for the door (why why do I try to change you try to Try to change you when you really don't Want me to) You go back to the women who will dance the dance You go back to your friends who will lick your ass You go back to being so oblivious You go back to the center of the universe |
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3. |
| 4:29 | ||||
If it weren't for your maturity,
none of this would have happened If you weren't so wise beyond your years, I would've been able to control myself If it weren't for my attention, you wouldn't have been successful, and If it weren't for me, you would never have amounted to very much. Ooh, this could be messy But you don't seem to mind ooh, don't go telling everybody and overlook this supposed crime We'll fast forward to a few years later and no one knows except the both of us and I have honoured your request for silence and you've washed your hands clean of this. You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me you're kind of my protege and one day you'll say you learned all you know from me I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian I know you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it. Ooh, this could be messy But you don't seem to mind ooh, don't go telling everybody and overlook this supposed crime We'll fast forward to a few years later and no one knows except the both of us and I have honoured your request for silence and you've washed your hands clean of this. what part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept? what part of your memory is selective and tends to forget? what's with this distance, it seems so obvious? Just make sure you don't tell on me, especially to members of your family We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse I wish I could tell the world 'cause you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly I might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and keep your firm body Ooh, this could be messy But you don't seem to mind ooh, don't go telling everybody and overlook this supposed crime |
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4. |
| 6:03 | ||||
What's it been over a decade?
It still smarts like it was four minutes ago We only influenced each other totally We only bruised each other even more so What are you my blood? You touch me like you are my blood What are you my dad? You affect me like you are my dad How long can a girl be shackled to you How long before my dignity is reclaimed How long can a girl stay haunted by you Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name Where've you been? I heard you moved to my city My brother saw you somewhere downtown I'd be paralyzed if I ran into you My tongue would seize up if we were to meet again What are you my god? You touch me like you are my god What are you my twin? You affect me like you are my twin How long can a girl be tortured by you? How long before my dignity is reclaimed And how long can a girl be haunted by you Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name So here I am one room away from where I know you're standing A well-intentioned man told me you just walked in This man knows not of how this information has affected me But he knows the colour of the car I just drove away in What are you my kin? You touch me like you are my kin What are you my air? You affect me like you are my air |
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5. |
| 4:11 | ||||
you'll rescue me right?
in the exact same way they never did.. I'll be happy right? when your healing powers kick in you'll complete me right? then my life can finally begin I'll be worthy right? only when you realize the gem I am? but this won't work now the way it once did and I won't keep it up even though I would love to once I know who I'm not then I'll know who I am but I know I won't keep on playing the victim these precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was defenseless and parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends this ring will me yet as will you knight in shining armor this pill will help me yet as will these boys gone through like water but this won't work as well as the way it once did cuz I want to decide between survival and bliss and though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I am but I know I won't keep on playing the victim these precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was a kid and parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friend I've spent so long firmly looking outside me I've spent so much time living in survival mode |
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6. |
| 4:22 | ||||
my foundation was rocked my tried and
true way to deal was to vanish my departures were old I stood in the room shaking in my boots at that particular time love had challenged me to stay at that particular moment I knew not run away again that particular month I was ready to investigate with you at that particular time we thought a break would be good for four months we sat and vacillated we thought a small time apart would clear up the doubts that were abounding at that particular time love encouraged me to wait at that particular moment it helped me to be patient that particular month we needed time to marinate in what "us" meant I've always wanted for you what you've wanted for yourself and yet I wanted to save us high water or hell and I kept on ignoring the ambivalence you felt and in the meantime I lost myself in the meantime I lost myself I'm sorry I lost myself….i am you knew you needed more time time spent alone with no distraction you felt you needed to fly solo and high to define what you wanted at that particular love encouraged me to leave at that particular moment I knew staying with you meant deserting me that particular month was harder than you'd believe but I still left at that particular time |
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7. |
| 4:34 | ||||
I am a man as a man I've been told
Bacon is brought to the house in this mold Born of your bellies I yearn for the cord Years I have groveled repentance ignored And I have been blamed And I have repented I'm working my way toward our union mended I am man who has grown from a son Been crucified by enraged women I am son who was raised by such men I'm often reminded of the fools I'm among And I have been shamed And I have relented I'm working my way toward our union mended And I have been shamed And I have repented I'm working my way toward our union mended we don't fare well with endless reprimands we don't do well with a life served as a sentence this won't work well if you're hell bent on your offence I am a man who understands your resistance I am a man who still does what he can to dispel our archaic reputation I am a man who has heard all he can cuz I don't fare well with endless punishment Cuz I have been blamed and I have repented I'm working my way toward our union mended And we have been blamed and we have repented I'm working my way toward our union mended |
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8. |
| 4:58 | ||||
i'll give you countless amounts of
outright acceptance if you want it i will give you encouragement to choose the path that if you need it you can speak of anger and doubts your fears and freak outs and i'll hold it you can share your so-called shame-filled accounts of times in your life and i wont judge it and there are no strings attached to it *you owe me nothing for giving the love that i give you owe me nothing for caring the way that i have i give you thanks for receiving it's my priviliege and you owe me nothing in return you can ask for space for yourself and only yourself and i'll grant it you can ask for freedom as well or time to travel and you'll have it you can ask to live by yourself or love someone else and i'll support it you can ask for anything you want anything at all and i'll understand it and there are no strings attached to it * Repeat i bet you're wondering when the next payback soe will eventyally drop i bet you're wondering when my conditional police will force you to cough up i bet you're wondering how far you have now danced your way back into debt this is the only kind of love as i understand it that there really is you can express your deepest of truths even if it means i'll lose you and i'll hear it you can fall into the abyss on your way to your bliss i'll empathize with you can say that you have to skip town to chase you passion and i'll hear it you can even hit rock bottom have a midlife crisis and i'll hold it and there are no strings attached to it * Repeat * Repeat |
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9. |
| 4:36 | ||||
you were full and fully capable
you were self sufficient and needless your house was fully decorated in that sense you were taken with me to a point a case of careful what you wish for but what you knew was enough to begin and so you called and courted fiercely so you rached out, entirely fearless and yet you knew of reservation and how it serves and I salute you for your courage and I applaud your perseverance and I embrace you for your faith in the face of adversarial forces that I represent so you were in but not entirely you were up for this but not totally you knew how arms length-ing can maintain doubt and so you fell and you're intact so you dove in and you're still breathing so you jumped and you're still flying if not shocked and I support you in your trusting and I commend you for your wisdom and I'm amazed by your surrender in the face of threatening forces that I represent you found creative ways to distance you hid away from much through humor your choice of armor was your intellect and so you felt and you're still here and so you died and you're still standing and so you softened and you're still safely in command self protection was in times of true danger your best defense to mistrust and be wary surrendering a feat of unequalled measure and I'm thrilled to let you in overjoyed to be let in in kind |
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10. |
| 4:58 | ||||
we'd gather around all in a room
fasten our belts engage in dialogue we'd all slow down rest without guilt not lie without fear disagree sans jugement we would stay and respond and expand and include and allow and forgive and enjoy and evolve and discern and inquire and accept and admit and divulge and open and reach out and speak up This is utopia this is my utopia This is my ideal my end in sight Utopia this is my utopia This is my nirvana My ultimate we'd open our arms we'd all jump in we'd all coast down into safety nets we would share and listen and support and welcome be propelled by passion not invest in outcomes we would breathe and be charmed and amused by difference be gentle and make room for every emotion This is utopia this is my utopia This is my ideal my end in sight Utopia this is my utopia This is my nirvana My ultimate we'd provide forums we'd all speak out we'd all be heard we'd all feel seen we'd rise post-obstacle more defined more grateful we would heal be humbled and be unstoppable we'd hold close and let go and know when to do which we'd release and disarm and stand up and feel safe this is utopia this is my utopia this is my ideal my end in sight utopia this is my utopia this is my nirvana my ultimate |