Jonathan Harvey

BOB:
I have to admit
I'm an absolute shit
But at least you can't call me
a hypocrite
I don't want fame
or the critics' acclaim
Take it from me
that's a pointless game
I've got a minder
a chauffeur, a flunkey
'cause I’m the organ-grinder
not the monkey

Call me old-fashioned
At least I know what I like
Call me old-fashioned
If you're so wet
Why don't you get
on your bike?
Call me old-fashioned
At least I'm moving ahead
Call me old-fashioned
If I can't charm you
I'll just strong-arm you
to bed

The moment I see you with your trousers dropped
Will be as rewarding as just having shopped
All of the names that I've spent years collecting
They're the only things that are worth respecting
Prada and Porsche and Philippe Starck
The only little problem is where to park

Call me old-fashioned
You're all so quick to condemn
Call me old-fashioned
Until you learn
How much I earn
and I spend
Call me old-fashioned
and I've been called worse than muck
Call me old-fashioned
but understand
What I've got planned
won't be luck

Sex is fun and sex sells, honey
A shiny dream to make me money
Where the sea is blue, the sky is sunny
Love is hot and suprisingly

Old-fashioned
I'll make love down the phone
Call me tomorrow
I'll give you breaks
I'll be as long as it takes to your home
Call me old-fashioned
At least I'm moving ahead
Call me old-fashioned
If I can't charm you
I'll just strong-arm you
to bed
Where you can be
old-fashioned
with me

Never been closer to heaven Never been further away
Give me hope Give me all your love
Tell me now You're coming home tonight
Have some faith In the love we share
Is it fate? Does darkness end in light?
Never been closer to heaven Never been further away

Where'd you go? Did you lose your way?
Tell me now You're coming back to stay
In my hopes Paradise is real
Horoscopes Can't forecast how we'll feel
Never been closer to heaven Never been further away

Give me hope Give me hope
Never been closer to heaven Never been further away
Give me hope Give me hope

Never been closer to heaven Never been further away
Give me hope Give me all your love
Tell me now You're coming home tonight
Have some faith In the love we share
Is it fate? Does darkness end in light?
Never been closer to heaven Never been further away

Where'd you go? Did you lose your way?
Tell me now You're coming back to stay
In my hopes Paradise is real
Horoscopes Can't forecast how we'll feel
Never been closer to heaven Never been further away

Give me hope Give me hope
Never been closer to heaven Never been further away
Give me hope Give me hope

Never been closer to heaven Never been further away
Give me hope Give me all your love
Tell me now You're coming home tonight
Have some faith In the love we share
Is it fate? Does darkness end in light?
Never been closer to heaven Never been further away

Where'd you go? Did you lose your way?
Tell me now You're coming back to stay
In my hopes Paradise is real
Horoscopes Can't forecast how we'll feel
Never been closer to heaven Never been further away

Give me hope Give me hope
Never been closer to heaven Never been further away
Give me hope Give me hope

There are people who think I lead
A kind of charmed life
With everything I need
No pain or strife
If only they knew
The absolute truth

The secrecy and lies
The bitter tears I've cried
The days when I can't hide
From hopelessness inside

The mad humiliation
Of knowing what you've done
In a sad infatuation
That went on far too long

After all that we've been through
Only tears can tell the truth

I'm not crying just for you
I'm crying for me
For those who came between
I'm crying for all of us

For the lack of communication
Secrets shared no longer
For my weak intimidation
When I should have been much stronger

For the jealousy and shame
That you were someone's plaything
For that love that survived the pain
in spite of everything

After all that we've been through
Only tears can tell the truth

I'm not crying just for you
I'm crying for me
For this whole wretched scene
I'm crying for all of us

For the impossibility
Of love in world where sex
Is a cruel competitive sport
For the love that sex rejects

For the ripples spreading wider
For the friendships destroyed
By suspicions and fighting
And the cover-ups imp0lied


After all that we've been through
Only tears can tell the truth

I'm not crying just for you
I'm crying for me
For those who came between

I'm crying for you
For me
For what might have been
For you
And me
Baby for all of us

For all of us

BILLIE
An inspirational tirade against me
How to explain my life?
Girls to the left of me
boys to the right of me
neither husband nor wife

Though the days are filled with pain
there is no one who'll explain
why I'm coming under friendly fire
shot in the fatal cause of rock-and-roll
but there's no-one, really no-one, to say:
Why I endure under force majeure
slandered without shame or tact
I who studied make-up, mime and Buddha
who taught two generations to react

About me the critics lied
I ignored them and survived
in spite of coming under friendly fire
shot in the fatal cause of rock-and-roll
But there's nothing, really nothing, to deny

When I look back my eyes are filled with tears
Danger to mascara,
applause to my peers

When fame sustained me and arenas acclaimed me
I floated through life on a cloud
of love and insanity and pagan profanity
before a worshipping crowd

Now my status is ill-defined
As an icon
I'm inclined to be coming under friendly fire
shot in the fatal cause of rock-and-roll
but whatever dull or clever points they've scored
I have never, oh no never, been ignored

Father:
In denial, no
my life's a trial
I'm not denying
that every little bit hurts
It's a problem
that I'm not solving
Don't mind admitting
I feel like quitting this job
for a while, getting away
before it gets any worse today

Daughter:
You're in denial
and that is final
You're not admitting
you should be quitting
all these
queens and fairies
and muscle Marys
the rough trade boyfriend
who in his pathetic own way
denies he's gay
Why can't you see?
This is a fantasy world

Father:
Think I'm going mad
How d'you know if you're
going mad?

Daughter:
Look at me I'm lonely

Father:
Look at me I'm sad

I'm not denying
I could be trying
a little harder
to deal with some of this stuff

Daughter:
Know what I'm thinking?
Less drugs and drinking
No cigarettes and you'd feel
a little less rough

Father:
Is that enough?
My life is absurd, I'm living it
upside down
like a vampire, working at
night, sleeping all day
A dad with a girl who knows
he's gay

Both:
Can you love me anyway?

BILLIE
Run girl, run
Away from the sun
Napalm burns all over your body.
Cameras roll, photographers shoot.
The western world would like to say sorry
A whore or a nun
What do you want to be?
Joan of Arc or TV?

BILLIE
We're gonna light up the night like fireworks
flashing through the sky like a satellite
A series of bangs, beautiful colours
Baby, tonight this is my night
If you want to scream
you can do it
Anything obscene
you can do it
Put it to the test
you can do it
Momma knows what's best
you can do it

This is my night
Anything goes in fashion!
This is my night
I'm in the throes of passion!
This is my night
I planned it for me and you!
This is my night
and nothing is taboo!

DAVE
I wanna light up the night like fireworks
flashing through the sky like a satellite
I've waited so long
I won't get it wrong
Baby, tonight will be my night
If you wanna dance
you can do it
Give yourself a chance
you can do it
Show them what you are
you can do it
Baby, you're a star
you can do it

This is my night
I'm gonna grab their attention
This is my night
I need divine intervention!
This is my night
and it's one I won't forget
This is my night
They ain't seen nothing yet!

SHELL
I want to light up the night up like fireworks
Flashing through the sky like a satellite
That fatherly kiss
Is going to be bliss
Baby, tonight will be my night
No point being scared
you can do it
Change your life instead
you can do it
No more being alone
you can do it
When you're coming home
you can do it

This is my night
A roller-coaster of emotion
This is my night
A lot of hugs and devotion
This is my night
Oh God, I'm going mad!
This is my night
I'm gonna meet my Dad!

VIC
This is my night
Am I worth it?
This is my night
Do I deserve it?

FLYNN
You're gonna light up the night like fireworks
flashing through the sky like a satellite
you've got to be strong
you've waited so long
Daddy, tonight this is your night
If you wanna scream
you can do it
nothing too obscene
you can do it
Remember you're a Dad
you can do it
Don't look so bloody sad
you can do it
This is your night...

VIC
I've made sure it's gonna be nice
The champagne's on ice
D'you think we'll need something stronger?
I'm having one now, I can't wait any longer...

LEE
If you wanna score
you can do it
I can get you more
I can do it
Get out of your head
you can do it
What d'you want instead?
you can do it

This is my night
Oh yeah?
This is my night
I couldn't really care
This is my night
Dunno why I bother
This is my night
Same as any other

BILLIE, DAVE, SHELL, VIC, FLYNN, LEE & CAST
We're gonna light up the night like fireworks
flashing through the sky like a satellite
A series of bangs, beautiful colours
Baby, tonight this is my night
If you want to scream
you can do it
Anything obscene
you can do it
Put it to the test
you can do it
Momma knows what's best
you can do it

This is my night
This is my night
This is my night

BILLIE
I planned it for me and you!

CAST
This is my night

BILLIE
and nothing, no, no, nothing, is taboo!!

SHELL
This is great!

DAVE
I’m straight?

SHELL
Just great!
I love the way you kiss
It’s bliss

DAVE
How much bliss?

SHELL
Will nine out of ten do?
You used to be so shy
now I can’t deny
you satisfy
You’re scoring high
Will nine out of ten do?

DAVE
Leaves room for improvement!

SHELL
And how do I rate?

DAVE
An eight?
No wait
To score
some more:
come one, explore!

SHELL
Only an eight?

DAVE
I’m one of those men who thinks he can surprise

SHELL
So I realise
when I close my eyes
and feel your size

DAVE
Will nine out of ten do?

SHELL
Is that inches or centimetres?

DAVE
Size isn’t everything!
Let’s do it again and again
until we’re scoring ten out of ten

SHELL
How does this compare with back then
Back when you used to do it with men?

DAVE
What men?

SHELL
Did you never do it with men?

DAVE
Don’t you dare
go there
to compare
Haven’t you found
boys fool around?

SHELL
So you don’t deny it?

DAVE
Listen
I have spent months with you
and loved each moment too
Just being with you
has made me new

SHELL
And just how new?

DAVE
Will nine out of ten do?

SHELL
I love you

DAVE
And just how much?

SHELL
Will nine out of ten do?

GIRL 1
What’s the matter with you, girl?

GIRL 2
Haven’t you heard?

GIRL 1
No! What?

SHELL
Of all the boys
in all the world
I had to choose this one
Where'd he come from?
Dumb and deluded
young and confused
suddenly gay
Who'd be in my shoes?
It had to be me
who found out the truth
after catching him
with the roughest youth
Now I've ripped away his mask
don't turn to me and ask...

BABES
What's the matter with you, girl?

SHELL
Isn't it obvious?

BABES
What's the matter with you, girl?

SHELL
Whaddaya mean what's the matter with ME?

BABES
We get the picture
Yes, we see
what you're going through
but what you gonna do?

SHELL
What do you think I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna do
what's overdue...

I'm gonna get him out of my system
Get him out of my system
Get him out of my system
I'm getting him out of my system
I'm gonna get him out of my system
Get him out of my system
Get him out of my system
I’m getting him out of my system

BABES
Uh-oh, girlfriend, wounded pride!
Your boyfriend bats for the other side!
You're sure we're not gonna suddenly find
Tomorrow morning you change your mind?

SHELL
My decision is implacable
because we're not compatible
sexually
eventually
after three months sleeping
in my bed
every night
held me tight
and this is what
does in my head!
He runs off with his pride and joy
a young, drug-dealing, East End boy!

BABES
We get the picture
Yes, we see
what you're going through
but what you gonna do?

SHELL
What do you think I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna do
what’s overdue...

I'm gonna get him out of my system
Get him out of my system
Get him out of my system
I'm getting him out of my system
I'm gonna get him out of my system
Get him out of my system
Get him out of my system
I'm getting him out of my system

Here we are
where we were
back on everything
Went too far
now we're fine
back on everything
So much for making it day by day
Back on everything
Instead of taking another way
we're back on everything

I want a positive role model
I want a positive role model

My reflection on the street
Is that the way I walk?
Introspection as I speak
I need to change the way I talk
In a changing world
there's so much you could be
Why can't you choose your self
like your enemy?
Have you ever imagined
a new you?
I could be someone else
Somebody new

Reinvention:
my intention

I want a positive role model
I want a positive role model
I want a positive role model
I want a positive role model

I know what you think
It's clear as mud in your eyes
We're the plastic
poseurs and prostitutes
You've obviously come to despise
But you don't know nothing
You're not hot enough to matter
You don't understand
it's the glamorous life
A dream that no one can shatter
We're shameless
We will do anything
To get our fifteen minutes of fame
We have no integrity
We're ready to crawl
To obtain celebrity
We'll do anything at all
I'm ambitious
Believe me I'm going to be big
I'm a slave to glamour
Applause and clamour
My makeup my wardrobe my wigs
Don't call me pathetic
I'm harder than you'll ever guess
Relentlessly tough
for when the going gets rough
The tough get their
picture in the press
We're shameless
We will do anything
To get our fifteen minutes of fame
We have no integrity
We're ready to crawl
To obtain celebrity
We'll do anything at all

Tell me you love me
Admit it you're really impressed
Would it not amuse you
For me to seduce you
Have you ever seen me undressed
We're shameless
We will do anything
To get our fifteen minutes of fame
We have no integrity
We're ready to crawl
To obtain celebrity
We'll do anything at all
We're shameless
We will do anything
To get our fifteen minutes of fame
We have no integrity
We're ready to craw
l to obtain celebrity
We'll do anything
With anyone
Go absolutely any where
For anything
At all

DAVE
What am I now?
Another boy becoming man
who wants to change
who's not afraid
I've had to run
from boring streets
and bitter priests
from smoking gun
and stern parade

For when you're living on your own
without a girlfriend or a home
people speculate
but I'm much stronger than them

I want to be something special
I want to be something special

Now I play the London game
A hand-to-mouth existence
'til someone calls my name

I want it now
My chance has come
and I will grab it
just to change
the way I am
I understand
the plans you make the risks you take
the way you can
when you're a man

And if I sometimes have to do
the things I've always wanted to
I won't shy away
Because I'm much harder than that

I want to be something special
I want to be something special

Now I play the London game
A hand-to-mouth existence
'til someone calls my name

I want to be something special
I want to be something special

Brother, it don't matter
Sister, don't worry
Say what you like
I'll do what you want me to do
You're a vampire
I'm a vampire too

Sun in the kitchen
Boy, you're still sleeping
When you get hungry
I'll do what you want me to do
You're a vampire
I'm a vampire too

Night in the city
New Orleans pretty
Do what you want
and then can I do it for you?
You're a vampire
I'm a vampire too
You're a vampire
I'm a vampire too

It's a reflex
Just a reflex
like fear for sex

Brother, it don't matter
Sister, don't worry
Say what you like
I'll do what you want me to do
You're a vampire
I'm a vampire too
You're a vampire
I'm a vampire too

Brother, it don't matter
Sister, don't worry
Brother, it don't matter
Sister, don't worry