King Missile

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time; it's detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time; I can leave it home when it think it's gonna get me in trouble, or I can rent it out when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning, I can't, for the life of me, remember what I did with it. First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it , so I called up the place where the party was, they hadn't seen it either. I asked them to check the medicine cabinet, 'cause for some reason, I leave it there sometimes, but not this time. So I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, but they were no help either.

I was starting to get desperate I really don't like being without my penis for too long, It makes me feel like less of a man, and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.

After a few hours of searching the house, and calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed, so I went to the Kiev and ate breakfast. Then as I walked down Second Avenue, toward's St. Mark's Place, where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven-some guy was selling it! I had to buy it off him. He wanted 22 bucks, but I talked him down to 17. I took it home, washed it off, and put it back on. I was happy again: complete. People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but I don't know. Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis.

Ed	King Missile

6:02

from King Missile - Happy Hour (1992)

Ed was at the end of his rope, an expression he detested.
"There is no rope!" he would scream at the laughing walls.
"There is only the end.

"No hope, no rope.
Ending is better than mending.
Doors of perception, windows of opportunity.
These are illusions, like the killing floor."

Ed spoke in a squeaky whiny voice
With perhaps a slight tinge of glee,
But this was only because
He couldn't be bothered to try to develop
A manner of speaking that truly reflected his mood.

"This is a vacuum. There is no air in this room.
Despair is no fun anymore.
Nihilism knocked three times on the ceiling,
But the rosy fingers of dawn always inserted themselves
In the nose of unfulfilled promises.

"Angels sang Heysanna Hosanna,
Paralyzed prima-donnas danced in the streets all day,
But when darkness came, everybody went home.

"I was ready - everyone else was asleep.
And while it may have been a relief
To see that I was right all along,
Here I am still: alone and trapped,
Awaiting the endless end.

"And I can turn it all around,
And laugh at it and laugh at myself;
I can laugh louder than the walls,
The halls, the waterfalls,
Louder than Charles de Gaul or Fulton Mall,
But I don't know what I'm laughing at,
I don't know just what I think is so goddamn funny.

"I don't know why I don't just shut up
And give up and lay down and die.
What do I have to complain about anyway,"
Ed asked his Picasso, "I'm a millionaire!"

This wasn't exactly true.
Ed's Picasso was an obvious forgery,
His three Rothkos had just been singled out
In an article in Artforum entitled,
"The three most insignificant paintings of Mark Rothko,"
And his Barbara Kruegers had been irreparably damaged
By Rein Sanction and a few other bands from Gainesville
That refused to recognize the value of art.

"Come to think of it," Ed mused to the laminated roadkill coffee table
That he had purchased when times had seemed slightly less bleak,
"Come to think of it, not only does art have no intrinsic value,
But my collection has no extrinsic value either.
I know I'm not a millionaire, but that's no reason to complain.

"There is no reason to complain.
There is no reason to do anything.
I don't believe in reason,
Objective reality, or collective farming.

"I don't believe in public speaking,
Which is another reason why I'm here alone.
I don't believe in life or death, I would kill myself,
But I don't believe in suicide."

Ed put on a red shirt and took a quick walk around the block
While whistling softly to himself.

He reentered his apartment screaming,
"There is no life on this planet!
Jehovah-One replaced all life with machinery five centuries ago.
The so-called industrial revolution was just another hoax
And we all fell for it, 'cause we were all programmed to.
Even I fell for it. I believe in the steam engine,
Even though I don't believe in anything.

"Logical inconsistency is the Mr. Bubble I bathe in
Each and every evening, except for yesterday evening,
When I rollerbladed over to the Masonic temple
To play pinochle with Pope John Paul the First.
"I really had no choice in the matter."

"Ed certainly could go on and on, and he did,
And he would, and he will,
Until you or I or somebody does something about it,"
Senator Sterno of Louisiana announced
Over closed circuit television.

"And as long as he continues to pontificate pointlessly,
I will do nothing."

Ed walked away from the program feeling fortified and stapled.
His brain was buzzing, the way it always did just after Jeopardy.
He loaded up the microbus with atlases and poseidons
And headed for Pope county.
"I've had it."

He sang, "I've had it with puns, alliteration,
Russian literature, Italian neorealism,
meaningless cross references and laundry lists of nonsense.
I shall dive without a license, without clothing,
Without direction and if I make it to Arkansas, fine,
And if I'm running late, if I'm running a numbers game,
It doesn't matter, I shall keep on running.

"Yes, this is the answer. This is the ending,
I shall keep on running, because a body in motion
Tends to stay emotional, and it's better to feel.
Pain is better than emptiness,
Emptiness is better than nothing,
And nothing is better than this."

Ed was at the end of his rope, an expression he detested.
"There is no rope!" he would scream at the laughing walls.
"There is only the end.

"No hope, no rope.
Ending is better than mending.
Doors of perception, windows of opportunity.
These are illusions, like the killing floor."

Ed spoke in a squeaky whiny voice
With perhaps a slight tinge of glee,
But this was only because
He couldn't be bothered to try to develop
A manner of speaking that truly reflected his mood.

"This is a vacuum.  There is no air in this room.
Despair is no fun anymore.
Nihilism knocked three times on the ceiling,
But the rosy fingers of dawn always inserted themselves
In the nose of unfulfilled promises.

"Angels sang Heysanna Hosanna,
Paralyzed prima-donnas danced in the streets all day,
But when darkness came, everybody went home.

"I was ready - everyone else was asleep.
And while it may have been a relief
To see that I was right all along,
Here I am still: alone and trapped,
Awaiting the endless end.

"And I can turn it all around,
And laugh at it and laugh at myself;
I can laugh louder than the walls,
The halls, the waterfalls,
Louder than Charles de Gaul or Fulton Mall,
But I don't know what I'm laughing at,
I don't know just what I think is so goddamn funny.

"I don't know why I don't just shut up
And give up and lay down and die.
What do I have to complain about anyway,"
Ed asked his Picasso, "I'm a millionaire!"

This wasn't exactly true.
Ed's Picasso was an obvious forgery,
His three Rothkos had just been singled out
In an article in Artforum entitled,
"The three most insignificant paintings of Mark Rothko,"
And his Barbara Kruegers had been irreparably damaged
By Rein Sanction and a few other bands from Gainesville
That refused to recognize the value of art.

"Come to think of it," Ed mused to the laminated roadkill coffee table
That he had purchased when times had seemed slightly less bleak,
"Come to think of it, not only does art have no intrinsic value,
But my collection has no extrinsic value either.
I know I'm not a millionaire, but that's no reason to complain.

"There is no reason to complain.
There is no reason to do anything.
I don't believe in reason,
Objective reality, or collective farming.

"I don't believe in public speaking,
Which is another reason why I'm here alone.
I don't believe in life or death, I would kill myself,
But I don't believe in suicide."

Ed put on a red shirt and took a quick walk around the block
While whistling softly to himself.

He reentered his apartment screaming,
"There is no life on this planet!
Jehovah-One replaced all life with machinery five centuries ago.
The so-called industrial revolution was just another hoax
And we all fell for it, 'cause we were all programmed to.
Even I fell for it.  I believe in the steam engine,
Even though I don't believe in anything.

"Logical inconsistency is the Mr. Bubble I bathe in
Each and every evening, except for yesterday evening,
When I rollerbladed over to the Masonic temple
To play pinochle with Pope John Paul the First.
"I really had no choice in the matter."

"Ed certainly could go on and on, and he did,
And he would, and he will,
Until you or I or somebody does something about it,"
Senator Sterno of Louisiana announced
Over closed circuit television.

"And as long as he continues to pontificate pointlessly,
I will do nothing."

Ed walked away from the program feeling fortified and stapled.
His brain was buzzing, the way it always did just after Jeopardy.
He loaded up the microbus with atlases and poseidons
And headed for Pope county.
"I've had it."

He sang, "I've had it with puns, alliteration,
Russian literature, Italian neorealism,
meaningless cross references and laundry lists of nonsense.
I shall dive without a license, without clothing,
Without direction and if I make it to Arkansas, fine,
And if I'm running late, if I'm running a numbers game,
It doesn't matter, I shall keep on running.

"Yes, this is the answer.  This is the ending,
I shall keep on running, because a body in motion
Tends to stay emotional, and it's better to feel.
Pain is better than emptiness,
Emptiness is better than nothing,
And nothing is better than this."

There's lyrics registered. But, you can modify it. Thanks :)

Glass

King Missile