Vic Chesnutt

You're a freak of nature
You are a siamese
You are in a pickle jar
For all the world to see

Watching the sleeping man
Watching the sleeping man
Watching the sleeping man
Watching the sleeping man

You are a guarded secret
In a government home
But now they come to see you
By the busload

Built a king on compliments
Charisma and advertisements
Still they see him shimmer ephemeral
It ain't supernatural
Or maybe

Out of body experience
I flew around the little room once
On intravenous Demerol
It weren't supernatural

Sudden smell, certain view
Sparks a whoppin' case of the deja vu
Is it inexplicable
It ain't supernatural
Or maybe

When I ran off and left her
She wasn't holding a baby
She was holding a bottle
And a big grudge against me

I tried to learn from the psychiatrist
How to stay calm and minimize risk
But I should've kept all those appointments
I'm gonna need em I'm coming disjointed

When I ran off and left her
I didn't look backwards
Till I was halfway to Chattanooga
On the Atlanta connector
That's when I started flashing
On the little things that she did
All her little sayings and I started to wig
I should've kept all those appointments
I'm gonna need em I'm coming disjointed

There's so many ghosts out there on these streets
I always hate to ponder who's under those sheets
Every little thing is temporary
If I stay here any longer I'll end up very very scary
It's just a general freak that is boiling in me
I'm terrified what it's gonna dislodge
I done shit everywhere that there is to eat
Guess it's time for me to get the fuck out of Dodge

I bent over backwards to misbehave
It's a holy wonder I just didn't flip on over into an early grave
I showed my behind so frequently
My dear old mother she can't even recognize me

Cross my heart and cross my eyes
Stick a needle in my thigh
Drop kick my unscrewed lid
And fiddle fiddle fiddle fiddle fiddle with what's inside

A rusty mass of machinations
Still I'm vying for the right vaccination

I make a masterful selection like Louis Pasteur
Certain I've found at least a temporary cure
If there's one thing I've learned in this chemical world
It's very very very very very little is pure

My gluefoot sticks, I wrestle with it
I try to skedaddle but my gluefoot is fixed

If they'd give me a shovel in this communication age
Maybe I'd have kept my mouth shut and done something today
I want to blame democracy and it's inherent lies
I want to blame my heritage for my leisurely demise

Everybody wants to wear the cleats
Everybody wants to be Dominique
I want to be someone separate from me
I want to have a sustained feeling

My gluefoot sticks, I wrestle with it
I try to skidaddle but my gluefoot is fixed

she said it, she should know
She'd by told by, she knows
She'd been through it, quantity
What can I say, I do what I can

Get that panic pack
She's been to Rome yes
When they so it so as they do

Oh, Lordy mercy
I think it's quantity
I am what I am, I am what I believe
Bad on the head
Like a mad man
Belligerent

Rave and rant in yer old Foster Grants
I can see my billowy reflection
You're a giant
You're a giant
A little late night caching
A tender moving soul shake
With all light diffused
You'll wake up butch and bruised
Butch and bruised

Straight lines
As the stork flies
Ooh straight lines
As the stork flies,
As the stork flies
Naughty, naughty fatalist
Naughty, naughty
Naughty, naughty fatalist
Naughty fatalist, naughty fatalist

An elderly woman on a fashionable couch
Cane on the carpet tapping as she expounds
Tapping, tap tapping
A little late night caching
A tender moving soul shake
With all light diffused
You'll wake up butch and bruised
Butch and bruised
Butch and bruised

You're a freak of nature
You are a siamese
You are in a pickle jar
For all the world to see

Watching the sleeping man
Watching the sleeping man
Watching the sleeping man
Watching the sleeping man

You are a guarded secret
In a government home
But now they come to see you
By the busload

I'm so sorry
You had to kick my ass
You said I ruined your life
I didn't mean to do that

I had to untangle
Where we was entwined
It was strangling me
Were you breathing so fine?

The jam I was in
When things weren't working out
Led me to the brunt
Of your swinging bout

I'm so sorry
I regret everything
But what can I do
To have you take back that swing?

I'm so sorry
A scuffle ensued
But things are much better now
I guess thanks to you

The jam I was in
When things weren't working out
Led me to the brunt
Of your swinging bout

I'm so sorry
You had to pull my hair
I had to take care of business
A lot of business giving there

She's so musical
Look at her dance in a flurry
Who gets to lead
Do know it's not Arthur Murray

Emasculate me with your biology
Bend me, break me, I'm worthless
One wicked brand from your torturous hand
You laugh when I tell you, you're gorgeous

She has an answer for everything
She's so smart in the raw
And well educated
That's a double fisted draw

Cotton breathes between her cheeks
Spin me, weave me, I'm willing
One finger prick, I know I'll take sick
She'll chalk up a killing

She's so fashionable
She's a Nazi when she's shopping
Wholly democratic
You should see who she's been bopping

Emasculate me with your biology
Break me, bend me, I'm worthless
One wicked brand from your torturous hand
You laugh when I tell you, you're gorgeous

Help me mama, for I have grinned
Save me daddy from where I'm goin'
Call out to me from the ages beyond
Help me remember how to be good

How to continue when I feel I really shouldn't
How to remember how to be good
How to continue when I feel I really shouldn't

Help me granddaddy to see the swans
Strike me granny with your golden pump
Teach me now what I could never learn before

How to remember how to be good
How to continue when I feel I really shouldn't
How to remember how to be good
How to continue when I feel I really shouldn't

Teach me Great Uncle to hear the talk
Show me Aunt Avis with your ageless chalk
Scratch it out for me on my cloudy retina

How to remember how to be good
How to continue when I know I really shouldn't
How to remember how to be good
How to continue when I know I really shouldn't
How to remember how to be good
How to continue when I feel I really shouldn't

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Written By VIC CHESTNUTT
<i>Lyrics &copy; BUG MUSIC</i>

Well we blew past the army motorcade-and
It's abnormal load haulage the gravity of the situation
Came on us like a bit of new knowledge the bubbliest bubble bath
Broke down on the bank the gravity of the situation
Is why our old thought bubbles sank humble
And gracious the gravity of the situation

Well, a fat hungry english crow is picking at a badger carcass
The gravity of the situation is hard to focus and harness well,
We met Bill Lowery at the Queen's Hal lthe gravity of the situation
Became apparent to us all

Humble and gracious the gravity of the situation

Well we blew past the army motorcade-and
It's abnormal load haulage the gravity of the situation
Came on us like a bit of new knowledge the bubbliest bubble bath
Broke down on the bank the gravity of the situation
Is why our old thought bubbles sank humble
And gracious the gravity of the situation

Well, a fat hungry english crow is picking at a badger carcass
The gravity of the situation is hard to focus and harness well,
We met Bill Lowery at the Queen's Hal lthe gravity of the situation
Became apparent to us all

Humble and gracious the gravity of the situation

It's the plan of most to discover that magnificent ghost
When did I get perverted and my innocent eyes diverted
From a view so grand imbued with distractions
I'm greedy like Senior Babbitt I'm just chasing that electric rabbit

I'm a reluctant rebel I just want to be Aaron Neville
With a crown on my head and my denim shirt all dark with sweat
I'm just pushing the paint around on advice from your lying mouth
You touched me and then you ran and left a sad Peter Pan all alone
And awkward but a transformation I swear it will occur

Up on the bluff, where I wish I was
Twisting up the pages of history
My cold feet dangling, my bony arms gesturing
To summon up a little chunk of that history

In the corridor the shadows are long
And it messes with my equilibrium
And there's strains of a strange language

Up on the bluff, where the hardwoods jut
Out toward the gusts of history
My crusty mind cracks, my restless heart tracks
The fractal lines of history

In the corridor the shadows are long
And it messes with my equilibrium
And there's strains of a strange language

In the corridor the shadows are long
And it messes with my equilibrium
And there's strains of a strange language

Thin and unshaved, drunk and mysterious ooh,
I must say lifestyle is curious with
A little touch of the sniffles and filthy socks gnawed,
Crumbled fingernails never doing tomahawk chops
A flaky head dandruff is distinguished lacquer is red vain
Is the varnish what is at the root of this, she'll say,
Whatcha got what participle do you possess
She'll say, which I have not

One blustery day we rode out to the meadow lands we saw
And were amazed then hauled it back into town again
Mississippi is a mess sometimes and not only when it rain show come
You went back to that malaria island cause our friendship is strained
Those were the days when you were so cosmopolitan these are the days,
My letters they're so maudlin I wrote you an eloquent postcard once
About this most exquisite onion soup but of course I never mailed though
Cause it was your turn in the loop

Those were the days when you were so cosmopolitan
These are the days, my letters they're increasingly maudlin

I was supposed to tell you about the point of departure
With the aim of a drunken archer I will probably stray
But you can see in her bold eyebrow
You can see in that fancy cup
That even her freakish nipples are a kimbo
No doubt she is a doubting woman
No doubt she is a doubting woman

There's a little matter of the bathing beauty
She's such a little cutie but she's shy
She has a special sponge that is optional
To hide her painterly nipples from our eye
No doubt they are, doubting women
No doubt they are, doubting women

I was supposed to tell you about the case of a cult
It's called the cult of inspiration and it is rewarding
You can be filled with the tingle of euphoria
Of total animation and of wonder
No doubt we love the doubting woman
No doubt we love the doubting woman

The doubting woman

Oberheim, Yamaha, Steinway
And the lot I must have played the wrong piano
Cause it left me with, I don't know what

So don't talk to me about mistakes yes
We all simply have got to take precautions
I must have played the wrong piano
'cause now I just feel nauseous

Some sexual turned into some biblical and then
Became a game of just trivial pursuit I used to gnaw on every word
But now I don't, what's the use

Ruppert Murdock and Larry Flint Bob Guccione
And the U.S. mint I took out the wrong subscription and
I don't know what I'm gonna end
Up spending

Betty Lonely lives in a duplex of stuccoon the north bank of a brackish river
Her ears omit the noise from a nearby air stripher mind floats beyond the snapper boats
Betty Lonely, her green eyes are roughly staring at a point
Through the sliding glass door her heart live over a drawbridge
Her brain is wet like a throw net

Betty Lonely, she will always think in Spanish
Though I know her Spanish black hairit will start to fade
She sunk her past out in the surrounding salt flat
Sher maidenhood was lost beneath the Spanish moss
Betty Lonely just talks to her grand baby everybody else
She blots them out but her words stick like a flounder
Gig her dry laugh is like a gaff

Take a light bulb from the closet
And replace the one above the faucet scrape
The whisker from my face nick my lip in pointless haste
Take a magic marker black darken a spot on the map of a county on the coast

Where I was born out of a ghost
Underneath the ceiling fan contemplate a master plan
Breathe a sigh of recognition for a childhood superstition
Push a thumbtack in the wall pierce the picture I did draw
It's a graphic portrait from my you this hurts my heart this forced review

It's a battle of the culinary arts in that boiling land you
Met your mate over across that river and some good old heroin
In Thailand

Into our lovely story, who do we insert but the mighty,
Mighty Steve Willoughbyhe went searching for that big Buddha in a raincoat
And met a wife half the size of he
In Thailand

Where are you Mr. Mustache noveliers,
I'm in need of such a little assist
I'm in need of some of your little wisdom
Where are you Mr. Yankee a physicist,
I'm in need of some of your physical sneers
I'm in need of some of your ohysical wisdom
Where are you Mr. Latin folk artist,
I'm in need of some of your glossy ?
I'm in need of some of your ? wisdom

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Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By VIC CHESNUTT
<i>Lyrics &copy; BUG MUSIC</i>

It's a battle of the culinary arts in that boiling land you
Met your mate over across that river and some good old heroin
In Thailand

Into our lovely story, who do we insert but the mighty,
Mighty Steve Willoughbyhe went searching for that big Buddha in a raincoat
And met a wife half the size of he
In Thailand

Once I dreamed I was dancing with Isadora Duncan
In a silver cafe,
It was a cafe that was not at all near here
She was planning to diversify
And she sang I should do the same
So I whistled to her how I loved her the best

But she sang "I can't believe you own this attitude",
But with some ballet moves,
I removed her shoes
And I painted my lips to hers
And still she sang "I can't believe you own this attitude"
She sang "I can't believe you own this, this attitude"

She needed her beauty sleep
Though I didn't want it to sound like that
Her mind was occupied,
Her hard coffee was cold by then as snow

And she sang "my smile is more than pearly white,
And my dreams are more than you",
She sang "my yellow eyes are more than mirrors,
And my scarf is more, more, more than blue."

And she sang "I can't believe you own this attitude"
Yes I sang "I can't believe you own this, this attitude"

She closed her New Directions paper book
And screamed "there is no shelter in the arts"
She'd been crying all day
But now her eyes they were brighter than the moon

And she sang "my smile is more than pearly white,
And my dreams are more than you",
She sang "my yellow eyes are more than mirrors,
And my scarf is more, more, more, more than blue."

And she sang "I can't believe you own this attitude"
"I can't believe it, I can't believe you own this attitude",
"I can't believe it, I can't believe you own this, this attitude".

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Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By VIC CHESNUTT
Lyrics © BUG MUSIC

He wanted a tree fort more than anything
Yes, he wanted to build and defend one on his own
But the neighbor boys BB siege was overwhelming
So he won't be building his dream tree fort anymore

He received a five-speed Schwinn for Christmas
So he built a ramp out of the plywood and a stump
And at nights he dreamed Evil Knievel
And a canyon to jump in his backyard.

Danny Carlisle, he don't give a shit about the contras
Danny Carlisle, he's barely grown and he's used up most of his options
And still he would rather dream, dream, dream still he would rather dream than fuck

Once he used a pocket knife to kill a garden snake
Yes he chopped that evil serpent into four
And when he raised his eyes to heaven as a soldier
He wiped the blood of bad snake on his shirt

Yeah, Danny Carlisle he don't give a shit about the contras
Yeah Danny Carlisle he's barely grown and he's used up most of his options
And still he would rather dream dream dream than fuck
Still he would rather dream than fuck

Well the souvenirs
On my dusty shelf
Well I get out the Tarn-X,
And I polish them myself
Yes, posters are falling,
But who needs them at my age?
Well I've learned to smile,
When all I feel is rage

So I think I will go to Bakersfield
With Gabriel and Paul
And I will hide behind the garbage cans
While the holy platitudes fall
And blow the gates,
I am coming through
With my albatrosses and all

And it's strategy not protocol
Yes, it's strategy, not protocol,
That brings me here.

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Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By VIC CHESNUTT
<i>Lyrics &copy; BUG MUSIC</i>

while I was still in elementary school
I discovered Daddy's tools
and amassed a small pile, of scrap lumber
and I built a rabbit box
and i set it facing north
but i caught a possum and a kitten
both of which were a bitch to set free
cause I thought they were going to bite me
but we all three escaped safely

well once I took my single shotgun
and put on my camouflage
and hid in the neighbour's pasture by the little cow pond
and finally after a long time
a bunch of doves flew by
and landed in a huddle on the power line
and so I aimed with an eagle's eye and fired
but it was two pigeons that fell like bean bags into the weeds
well they sure looked like doves to me

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Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By CHESNUTT
<i>Lyrics &copy; BUG MUSIC</i>

have I learned anything from all of these lectures?
I think it's my attention span clipped by TV at an early age
well who heard the radio when you are five years old?
I used to watch Speed Racer with that hyper attitude
that carried me here to this fluorescent enlightenment

I'm not a victim, I'm not a victim
Oh, I, I, I, I am intelligent, I am intelligent
I'm not a victim, I'm not a victim
Oh, I, I, I, I am an atheist, I am an atheist

the idea of divine order is essentially crazy
the laws of action and reaction
are the closest thing to truth in the universe
so don't try to spray me with your archaic rites of soul
your vision is a biological one
I can dodge the thunderbolts
and scratch out an existence on this glorious but simple plane
I'm not a victim, I'm not a victim
Oh, I, I, I, I am intelligent, I am intelligent
I'm not a victim, I'm not a victim
Oh, I, I, I, I am an atheist, I am an atheist

It was a modern love affair
Completely cool and casual
They hardly knew each other was there
I mean Both of them had their own getting off to do
And they had to dream about their own self

When they were through
But the modern girl was elated
With what the revolution gave her
And since she was liberated she could have
Everything that striked her fancy

And she fancied quite a bit
I mean if it felt good she did it
And she did it every chance she could get
With her main modern man and otherwise
And her taste wasn't limited to just modern guys
Since another modern girl showed her
That modern girls know how to hold her

And after she had her eyes opened
All her old close friends started getting closer
And new friends weren't that far away
But the modern man he just wasn't so lucky
He being shook from his usual role as the heartbreaker
He was completely battered and bewildered
When he actually started in feeling something for her

And he discovered a new emotion
When they stopped ending up together as frequently
And when he finally confronted her with the question
"had she been bedding down with others in the periphery without him?"
And she replied "Hell yes! ain't it funny!"
So view the modern man looking, looking, looking,like a soft Picasso
He's there with his head in his hand
Repeating to himself an epigram
"live by the scam, die by the scam."

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Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By VIC CHESNUTT
Lyrics © BUG MUSIC

Well future stepped into my field and turned it into an empire
Forefathers where are you now?
Your dust is settling on my furniture

Oh independence day, I never knew it would be so symbolic.
Oh independence day.

Well I stepped out of a cloud and the ditch it is close
I mean the ditch it is closing in.
Hemingway did yourself justice
So here's to you you articulate dead fisherman

Independence day, I never knew it would be so symbolic.
Independence day.
Independence day, I never knew it would be so symbolic.
Independence day.

What if I said I loved you
And I needed your guidance to help me through the obstacles?
Would you say I am too wordy and then, then would you laugh?
What if I said I'm under glass untouchable as the document itself?
Would you say ok,
And that you never even considered me?

Oh independence day, yes Independence,
Independence day, independence,
Independence day, day,

Independence day, I never knew it would be so symbolic.

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Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By VIC CHESNUTT
<i>Lyrics &copy; BUG MUSIC</i>

I was shivering, I'll admit it
I had nothing better to do
except to wheeze my lazy wheeze
"Bernadette, where are you"
"Bernadette, where are you"

she gets much acclamation
for such a self ordained Faustian
Bernadette doesn't like doubters
she wants to fight in the Coliseum

what can you tell me of Therese and Isabelle
was it just fate that brought them together
or did they will their unusual union


in cahoot of love or all of the above
in cahoot of love or all of the above
in cahoot of love or all of the above

I was sputtering
but I got over it after hours of tireless rewiev
under the gracious and analytical hands
"Bernadette I honor you"
"Bernadette I honor you"
"Bernadette I owe you some"

Miss Mary took a shower and she showed herself to me
She said that God and all his glory was revealed to her carnally
She said she'd been with no man, but she must have been with me
And when I felt her with my finger, the proof burned my belief

So how much can I stand, I'm just a mortal man
I wring my praying hands, she stands there before me
C'est la vie, whatever that means, la di da
And a Doris Day, que sera sera
C'est la vie, whatever that means, la di da
And a Doris Day, que sera sera

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Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By VIC CHESNUTT
<i>Lyrics &copy; BUG MUSIC</i>

Forget everything I ever told you
I'm sure I lied way more than twice
But understand I am not Emily post
You know I'm nowhere near that precise

And I struggle with these etiquette's
Like you wouldn't believe
I'm puzzled by the policies
'cause after everything else you draw out of me
You still expect cute curtsies

But I'm through, through, through
Carrying you on my shoulders
And I'm through, through, through
Hiding
And I'm through, through, through
Living my life for you
Yes I hope for both our sakes
I'm through, through, through

I hope you are happy
With your hold on me
It sure stuck me awful strong
And don't you dare call this disloyalty
There's no way you could be more wrong

I'm just dragging my devotion
In a last ditch retreat
Seeking some safety
I'm tired of bleeding
For no good reason
Is that so hard to see?

And I'm through, through, through
Carrying you on my shoulders
And I'm through, through, through
Hiding
And I'm through, through, through
Living my life for you
Yes I hope for both our sakes
I'm through, through, through

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Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By VIC CHESNUTT
<i>Lyrics &copy; BUG MUSIC</i>

Well, I guess I'm through stewing
How 'bout lets roll the rock away?
My bedclothes have gone all funky
I've got to get out of this cave

Stay inside!

Well the times they are a changin'
Look at all the idlers
Soon there will be no one to shear the sheep
And I am cold natured

Stay inside!

Suddenly everything's different and
Everyone's on edge
I just wanted to bring folks together
But it seems that I am the biggest wedge

Stay inside!

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Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By VIC CHESNUTT
<i>Lyrics &copy; BUG MUSIC</i>

Well the first time I ever laid eyes on you
Was my first year at marching band camp
You never played the part as it was written
You would always vamp

You was always cracking me up
Messing with the band director
Mocking the tuba parts
In your upper register

If I knew then what I know now

You shouldn't've even been talking to me
Just a lowly freshman
And you the undisputed queen of the senior class
Without question

Yet at the band hangout ruth's restaurant
We sat together in a corner booth
We got our burgers for free
Because you was kin to ruth

If I knew then what I know now

You always had a little something
Hidden in your instrument case
We would be practically making out
On the bus home from the way games

Once you soaked a tampon in some serious vodka
Wore it to school
Second period science lab
You fell right off your stool

If I knew then what I know now

I didn't go to your graduation
I just couldn't find the strength
And I had to throw my yearbook in the dumpster
Because it was haunting me

The very next time I ever laid eyes on you
It was practically christmas
You already looked like a whole different person
Just like much older sister

If I knew then what I know now

I still never, never, never would've
Seen that coming

Girls say "why do you want to do that?"
And boys say, "well I gotta leave".
And girls say "watch out for your head"
And boys say, "why you wanna be a bitch?"

Girls say "can I get you anything?"
And boys say "who you trying to kid?"
And girls say "ooo I've got a headache".
Boys say, "why you wanna be a bitch?"

Physiology is no mystery
A jigsaw puzzle is only a trial and error game

Yes and girls say "you look great today".
And boys say "hey, show me all your boobs".
Girls say, "I could use a back rub".
And boys say "why you wanna be a bitch?"

Girls say "hey, careful with that".
And boys say, "hey look what I can do!"
Girls say, "please don't yell at me."
And boys say "why you wanna be a bitch?"

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Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By VIC CHESNUTT
Lyrics © BUG MUSIC

If you want to see two circling swans
On the surface of the sewer pond
Don't crane your neck where you are
You've got to climb to the second floor

And I wouldn't've even mentioned it
If you didn't seem so tuned into it

You've got to climb the second floor
Short chore great reward

I'm in the east but I'm looking west
When I'm facing north
The big huge valley's to my left
Horizon holds three great slag heaps
Piercing the sky like the Pyramids at Giza

I wouldn't make so much of it
If I didn't know you truly loved it

You've got to climb the second floor
Short chore great reward

Emotion drains
Like the contents of a cooler
My thorax is Styrofoam

I'm a cheap spent shell
And a bio hazard
Grind me up then mail me away

Maybe transmogrified
I'll be satisfied
That finally at long last I'm harmless

It is simply so
It's my chemical makeup
I slough it off every 28 days

So raise your hand
And ask yourself a question
But make it the powerful one

And if you answer by rote
And pap comes from your throat
Just tidy up and think of me in pieces

Yeah, the lousy poet in me can't lie no more
And the warrior in me
Has gone and died before
And that hard, handsome Olympian
Was forced to retire

So dig out the films
And all those yellowed clippings
Do them up then stash them for good

Then raise your hand
And ask yourself a question
But make it the powerful one

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Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By VIC CHESNUTT
<i>Lyrics &copy; BUG MUSIC</i>

Zippy morocco with a hat on his head
Set sail for the seven seas
When his mother took to dead

Barely out of teenagedom
When his mental map was unfurled
The next thing that he knew
He found himself halfway around the world

With nobody to send exotic postcards to
With nobody to send exotic postcards to

Zippy morocco as the admiral of fleet
Might've been wet behind the ears
But he certainly was fast on his feet

Put down a mutiny at the edge of the earth
He knew the value of the swirling sun
He never overestimated his own worth

It was the grief that whetted his appetite
It was the grief that whetted his appetite

And the waves they do not tell you welcome
And the sand on the shore
Does not spell out a hello
Salutations they are below the surface
Listen to zippy morocco, he says,
"that is what I know"

Zippy morocco as the perfect pragmatist
Had a hold on the astronomical odds
And he knew what to risk

Staked a million on an easterly wind
Collected the holy city
Now the horse traders come to him

With their beads and cheese and horses
With their beads and cheese and horses

I'm here because I'm a eunuch
I am no threat
I'm here to watch the ladies
And to fan away their sweat

And the sultan, so mighty
Comes crawling to me
When he has a little problem
With the ladies

I'm here because I am a eunuch
I'm perfectly safe
I'm here to bring the ladies
Hot towels when they bathe

And the sultan, so mighty
Wants to talk to me
When he needs a little help
With the ladies

And what he don't know
Won't hurt him
What we know
Would never hurt him
But he would hurt us
If he knew what we know

I'm here because I am a eunuch
A trusted confidant
I'm here to serve the ladies
They tell me what they want

And the sultan, so mighty
Has to go through me
When he's having trouble pleasing
Certain ladies

And what he don't know
Won't hurt him
What we know
Would never hurt him
But he would hurt us
If he knew what we know

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Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By VIC CHESNUTT
<i>Lyrics &copy; BUG MUSIC</i>

Like at the wren's nest
Like at rock eagle
Ironies swirl and hearts are twisted taut
Around their pivot points

The stag scrapes his felt on a scrubby dogwood tree

Like at the warm springs
Like at key club
Residuals are what get to one
Reach toxic levels with time

Even the pretty fawn is full of wolf worms in the summer

Oh, so horribly intensely I prayed
Let me evaporate

But the dying autumn leaves are beautiful, too

Like on the flint river
Like at the mica mines
Conversations escalated
Voices trembled and cracked

The barn owl's white belly is like a flash bulb
Instantly illuminated by a moonbeam
As he swoops silently before us
Toward a fateful meeting in the forest

Oh, so horribly intensely I prayed
Let me evaporate

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Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By VIC CHESNUTT
<i>Lyrics &copy; BUG MUSIC</i>

Fa-la-la is running around
All over the grounds of the hospital
I was watching for her
Like some people watch birds
From the window of my hospital room

I was trapped and tired
She was as free as I'd ever found
The embodiment of life force
In a hospital gown
Yeah, I could feel my body healing

I would crank up the head
Of my hospital bed
All the way up
When they would wake me at dawn
Then I'd gaze out at the lawn
Waiting on my sad soul medicine

I was trapped and tired
She was as free as I'd ever found
The embodiment of life force
In a hospital gown
Yeah, I could feel my body healing

And a nurse would come and see me
Everyday
And my folks are on their way
To see me home
But I don't want to go
No I don't want to go

Fa-la-la is running around
All over the grounds of the hospital
As they are loading me up
Into the cab of my daddy's truck
For our long ride home

Only a fool wouldn't be happy
To leave this cold institution
For a warm and loving home
But I feel like I'm drying up
Deep down in my bones
Yes, I don't want to go
No I don't want to go

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Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By VIC CHESNUTT
<i>Lyrics &copy; BUG MUSIC</i>

Do you think it makes a difference?
I say yes

Taking my time
Working on lines
Fingers in clay
Everyday
Head in the clouds
Moving my mouth
Spreading the grout
That's holding it down
Do you think it makes a difference?
I say yes in my life yes
Cuddling up
Declarations of love
Squeeze and a hug
A kiss and a rub
Faces opposed
Eyelids closed
Nuzzling nose
Like eskimos

Don't'cha' feel silly?
I say no with my love no

I never ever thought
I'd ever have a life like this
I never dreamed
I'd be alive
I never considered
Such as these surroundings
Effectually pulling it off
Watching the cops go by
Seeing a falcon fly
Reading a history book
Wetting a tiny hook
Driving fast all night
Bursting into song at first light
Sharing breakfast from one plate
Holding hands over loved ones graves
Do you think you deserve it
I say yes in my way yes

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Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By VIC CHESNUTT
<i>Lyrics &copy; BUG MUSIC</i>

&quot;Michelle loves Willie&quot;
&quot;Our little Sarah&quot;
&quot;Daughters of the American Revolution&quot;
&quot;Stryper loves Jesus&quot; and I love a girl
Against my better judgment
'Cause I feel like a squirrel

My roommates got married and I booted up
And a friend of ours told me that I was disgusting
My roommates got married and I booted up
And a friend of ours told me that I was disgusting

Valhalla is pinned to the edge of South Carolina
We interstate traveled just to free a man from China
Hotel full of Pakistanis
And a front porch filled with greasy greasy grannies

When the bug hits that's the time to scratch it
When the bug hits that's the time to scratch
When the bug hits that's the time to scratch it
When the bug hits that's the time to scratch

Valhalla is pinned to the edge of South Carolina
We interstate traveled just to free a man from China
Hotel full of Pakistanis
And a front porch filled with greasy greasy grannies

When the bug hits that's the time to scratch it
When the bug hits that's the time to scratch
When the bug hits that's the time to scratch it
When the bug hits that's the time to scratch

-------------
Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By VIC CHESNUTT
<i>Lyrics &copy; BUG MUSIC</i>

What are you doing withering away
Yes I've heard you've lost the will to play
Whatever happened to those fluid movements
You were so proud of in the intimate moments

What about the girl you left at the altar
Now now now she is planning your funeral
Didn't you learn anything at the protest rally
When you and yours were flooding the capital

What about your days of glory
When your life was anything but boring
Now you're making these morbid phone calls
And your friends they gather to cuss and console

What were you doing in that awful decade
After the news broke and those murderous policies were made
What were you doing running around
When I was here for you well away from that crowd

Pleasure is melting like chocolate
My blue ribbon gumption is gone
All my gravy must have soaked into something
And the world

The filthy steps, the cold concrete
The phony earth below my feet
The ancient odor of the street
Yes the world, world, world it is a sponge
Yes the world, world, world, world, world it is a sponge

And when the crisis passes
When the coast is clear
I'll be buffed down to a liquid
And the world, world, world it is a sponge
Yes the world, world, world, world, world it is a sponge
Yes the world, world, world, world, world it is a sponge

Throughout this entire ugly outing
I've been mumbling the convex of what I should be shouting
But I'll soon be silent you'll soon hear nothing
'cause the world, world it is a sponge
The world, world, world, world, world it is a sponge
The world, world, world, world, world it is a sponge

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Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By VIC CHESNUTT
<i>Lyrics &copy; BUG MUSIC</i>

Where were you two years ago when I was locked out there at the barn
When some certain Athens sacred monster was doing me in the charm
We could've been chatting heart to heart on that front porch with a view
Where were you girl when I needed you

Where were you two weeks ago, a week again after your promise
I was in your place of employment crying in my humus
Somebody in there said "boy you're looking bad"
And I said "you know that is nothing new"
Where were you girl when I needed you

Were you in that second story well lighted place
Up against it's occupant artist in his personal space
I know that has been known to happen but I though all of that was through
Where were you girl when I needed you

Where were you last Monday when I was overwrought
I was watching the bright bug lamp flicker
You were doing up the dim dim 40-watt
I was alone with Pepe Lopez
I just couldn't do the schmooze
Where were you girl when I needed you

Where are you this Sunday morning I'm in shaky health
I am in the back yard leaking on the spot where you proclaimed yourself
You are hungry wanting breakfast and my heart is in a stew
Where were you girl when I needed you

Imports and altercations
My faculties on a shoe-string vacation
I settled down on a hurt as big as Robert Mitchum
And listen to Lucinda Williams

Oh, convenient lies, rubber knives
I'm a dastardly villain, doing belly dives
I before E except after me
I'm dowsing my vitals at break-neck speed

You and your little entourage
Playing amazing little parlor games in the garage
Like a jury of my peers triangulating
My pretty point of exasperation
Yes we gather for some of that Catholic juice
And hide behind the shower curtain, I watch the virgin spruce
I'm soaking wet and feeling funny
The mirror's a mirage, no wonder I always look so crummy

My heroes are all off in the great beyond
England is old but Atlantis is gone
Feathers are floating down, and I can't dodge them
The tar is oozing from my little noggin
It's ugly ancient residue
There ain't no mistaking what's been abused

Feathers are floating down and I can't dodge them
The tar is oozing from my little noggin
It's ugly ancient residue
There ain't no mistaking who's been accused

Florida, Florida, the redneck riviera
Florida, Florida, there's no more pathetic place in America
Yes a man must make unpopular decisions, surely from time to time
And a man can only stand what a man can stand
It's a wobbly volatile line

Florida, Florida, the water table is fucked
Florida, Florida, there's no more perfect place to give it all up
A man must take his life in his own hands
Hit those nails on the head
And I respect a man who goes to where he wants to be
Even if he wants to be dead

Florida, Florida, its a tropical paradise
Florida, Florida, there's no more perfect place to retire from life

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Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By V. CHESTNUTT
<i>Lyrics &copy; BUG MUSIC</i>

I am sick of you
Expecting me to do
All those puny ingratiations
You know I am a terrible patient

I am barely alive
Ever since my daddy died
And I've been searching for my own little babies
To misbehave and betray me

I tie one onto all the others
And say a soggy toast to all my drunken brothers

They've got organizations of a people
Like me with stupid preoccupations
Stupid preoccupations
Stupid preoccupations

We know y'all are all innocent
I'm just bitching at your expense
And the price for cockiness is worth swiping
Yes, it's primal griping

Yes, I am nearly reformed
So don't say that you weren't warned
'Cause when I break into that smile that is aching
It may be too ugly to look on

Hallelujah for the ghosties
And all those scary monsters under the boiling seas

They've got organizations of a people
Like me with stupid preoccupation
Stupid preoccupations
Stupid preoccupations

My earliest memory is of holding up a sparkler
High up to the darkest sky
Some 4th of July spectacular
I shook it with an urgency
I'll never ever be able to repeat
At times I might could be accused of being
Painfully nostalgic
But as of late I'm looking forward to the future
Though I've never been much of a planner
Throwing caution into the fan
Catch as catch as those catchers can
And so all you observers in your scrutiny
Don't count my scars like tree rings
My jigsaw disposition, it's piecemeal properties
Are either smoked or honey cured
By the panic pure

Miss Mary took a shower and she showed herself to me
She said that God and all his glory was revealed to her carnally
She said she'd been with no man, but she must have been with me
And when I felt her with my finger, the proof burned my belief

So how much can I stand, I'm just a mortal man
I wring my praying hands, she stands there before me
C'est la vie, whatever that means, la di da
And a Doris Day, que sera sera
C'est la vie, whatever that means, la di da
And a Doris Day, que sera sera

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Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By VIC CHESNUTT
<i>Lyrics &copy; BUG MUSIC</i>

Someday I'm gonna be rich
Someday I'm gonna be bona fide
Someday I'm gonna be
Just like Steve Willoughby
But today I'm simply I'm simply terrified
I'm terrified

Someday I'm gonna be bright
Someday I'm gonna be smarter smarter than smart
Someday I'll know something
Just like Larry King
But today I simply I don't know where to start
I don't know where to start

Someday I'm gonna be hot
Someday I'm gonna be bigger bigger than big
Someday I'll be adored
Just like Wally George
But today I simply I ain't worth a fig
I ain't worth a fig

Someday I'm gonna be good
Someday I'm gonna be virtuous
Someday I'll be a paragon
Like Louis Farrakahan
But today I simply I'm a mess
I'm in a mess

Someday I'm gonna be cool
Someday I'm gonna kick major major butt
Someday I will transcend
Just like Jane's Addiction
But today I simply I am in a rut
I'm in a rut

Someday I'll get a career
Someday I'm gonna stop wasting all my time
Some day I'll gain a skill
Just like Deborah Norville
But today I simply I ain't worth a dime I ain't worth a dime

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Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By VIC CHESNUTT
<i>Lyrics &copy; BUG MUSIC</i>

West of Rome, just east of the border
In a static-y Ramada inn
Polishing his boots and pummeling his liver
Steeped in the dark isolation
Just what business does he have around here
Credentials are wearing out with each little bit of cheer
Yes it's a bad scene we're convening

Brushing his teeth and milking his ulcer
Preparing to waste another wily morning
Stroking himself and them phoning up his sister
He tells her their life would make one whale of a movie
Yes a childhood full of dry goods and wet neglect
The father they now sponge off they have no absorbing respect
Yes he's a glad boy to have such a void
Yes he's a martyr crawling across cobble stones
From his cozy cottages just west of Rome
Yes its a sad state for great suffering

Well the big huge valley is a ribbon of light
The aqueducts are snakes tonight
The stars are homesteaders, staking claims
My head is hopping with historical names
Transfer trucks are buffalo's
Chewing up this desert road
Yes and I am nothing especially
Just an uptight man on a useless journey

And the oil is pumping up out of the dirt
Those virile dinosaurs continue to squirt
And the mountains lay like croaker sacks
The global forces sculpt with tectonic panache
And the crop duster flies through those blackish skies
She ain't on the clock
She's banking in and pulling out
Her propeller eyes on the wind sock

Well the big huge valley is on a respirator
Life juices pumped from up in the sierras
The almond trees battle their own disease
The hay is jaundiced and the raisins wheeze
Cattle march under the knife
I do believe the big doctor is sweating up a storm tonight

-------------
Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By VIC CHESNUTT
<i>Lyrics &copy; BUG MUSIC</i>

Well the big huge valley is a ribbon of light
The aqueducts are snakes tonight
The stars are homesteaders, staking claims
My head is hopping with historical names
Transfer trucks are buffalo's
Chewing up this desert road
Yes and I am nothing especially
Just an uptight man on a useless journey

And the oil is pumping up out of the dirt
Those virile dinosaurs continue to squirt
And the mountains lay like croaker sacks
The global forces sculpt with tectonic panache
And the crop duster flies through those blackish skies
She ain't on the clock
She's banking in and pulling out
Her propeller eyes on the wind sock

Well the big huge valley is on a respirator
Life juices pumped from up in the sierras
The almond trees battle their own disease
The hay is jaundiced and the raisins wheeze
Cattle march under the knife
I do believe the big doctor is sweating up a storm tonight