Paul Heaton

He was just a social drinker but social every night
He enjoyed a pint or two or three or four
She was just a silent thinker, silent every night
He'd enjoy the thought of killing her before

Well he was very rarely drunk but very rarely sober
And he didn't think the problem was his drink
But he only knew his problem when he knocked her over
And when the rotting flesh began to stink

Cry freedom for the woman in the wall
Cry freedom for she has no voice at all
I hear her cry all day, all night
I hear her voice from deep within the wall
Made a cross from knitting needles
Made a grave from koover bags
Especially for the woman in the wall

She'd knitted him a jumper with dominoes on
So he wore it everyday in every week
Pretended to himself that she hadn't really gone
Pretended that he thought he beard her speak

Then at last it seemed that he was really winning
He felt that he had some sort of grip
But all of his new life was sent a-spinning
When the rotting wall began to drip

He was just a social drinker but social every night
He enjoyed a pint or two or three or four
She was just a silent thinker, silent every night
He'd enjoy the thought of killing her before

Well he was very rarely drunk but very rarely sober
And he didn't think the problem was his drink
But he only knew his problem when he knocked her over
And when the rotting flesh began to stink

Cry freedom for the woman in the wall
Cry freedom for she has no voice at all
I hear her cry all day, all night
I hear her voice from deep within the wall
Made a cross from knitting needles
Made a grave from koover bags
Especially for the woman in the wall

She'd knitted him a jumper with dominoes on
So he wore it everyday in every week
Pretended to himself that she hadn't really gone
Pretended that he thought he beard her speak

Then at last it seemed that he was really winning
He felt that he had some sort of grip
But all of his new life was sent a-spinning
When the rotting wall began to drip

You look a younger more beautiful version of death
But I'm scared to hold you close or smell your breath
Now your body's facing east your heart is west
And you can call me leisure and I can call you rest

We can't stop thinking that we should've guessed
We should've held you closer to our chest
'Cos our shoulders were put there for that test
Now you can call me leisure and I can call you rest

Well you certainly jumped the red at treasure chest
Your joyride didn't feel bad enough to confess
Till you placed the lemming on this family crest
And you can call me leisure, the donor of poor measure
The scalpel of all pleasure, I'll call you rest

It's what we thought God gave us shoulders for
Not to shrug in self pity or to ignore
Instead the helpless ration chances to the poor
We pick your weightless body up from the floor
We pick your weightless body up from the floor

All the minutes, and the hours that you caressed
Have been taken to a place that you thought best
If it's heaven or it's hell you're still well blessed
And I shall get my own back when I can call you rest

Well you certainly jumped the red at treasure chest
Your joyride didn't feel bad enough to confess
Till you placed the lemming on this family crest
And you can call me leisure, the donor of poor measure
The scalpel of all pleasure, I'll call you rest

It's what we thought God gave us shoulders for
Not to shrug in self pity or to ignore
Instead the helpless ration chances to the poor
We pick your weightless body up from the floor
We pick your weightless body up from the floor

Up from the floor, up from the floor, up from the floor

The sheets won't need changing everyday
The freezer supply should last a year
Those hidden little points that you're away
Nothing much has changed since you were here

Our paths will cross some day
Our paths will cross some day
While you're out jogging and I'm sat snogging
Some fool on a lakeside bench

And when she calls I hope it's you that dials
I hope it's you that feels this love inside
And when I touch her I hope it's you that smiles
And when I die I hope it's you I'm beside
To die with her would be a worthless lie
To die with her would be a worthless die
To die together would be worth a try
To die together would be worth a try

The family pack seems larger than it should
Two for one's no good when there's just one
I'd raise a bigger smile if I could
But me minus you equals none

Our paths will cross some day
Our paths will cross some day
When you're out fishing and I'm sat wishing

You instead of him
Our paths will cross some day
Our patbs will cross some day
When you're out exercising and I'm there prising
The pants of I my latest sin

And when we kiss she knows it's you I kiss
'Cause when we kiss I always start to cry
You just can't cover up these lying lips
When I die I hope it's you I'm beside
To die with her would be a worthless lie
To die with her would be a worthless die
To die together would be worth a try
To die together would be worth a try

An ambulance flashed past me in the street
Just yards from where we were to meet
I was half hoping you were dead meat
That it was you that was under the sheet

And as you lay there alone in the ward
Fumbling for the keys to death's door
At least I'd have summoned up the nerve
To whisper you these words

Finally! Quietly! Actually!
I love you

This reign of plastic
That replaced the reign of gold
Couldn't have known that you
Would feel so undersold
If love was built on hindsight
Then you surely would have seen
You were joining hands
With the Tupperware Queen

Yes you gave a groan
When I took that throne
But can you choose a Queen
When you behave like a drone
Where the silverware's not expected
And certainly never been
That's the ideal kingdom
Of this Tupperware Queen

I didn't mean to fool you
Into feeling King
Of anything but plastic
And what plastic brings
If gold is what she had
It's what I could've been
The unaffordable dream
Of this Tupperware Queen

Yes you gave a groan
When I took that throne
But don't expect a gem
When you're quarrying for stone
Where the silverware's not expected
And certainty never been
That's the ideal kingdom
Of this Tupperware Queen

In future when that moan
Has turned to prone
And the slightest groan
Feels so overblown
Remember you're a drone
And the Queen however plastic
Runs the honeycomb
Runs the honeycomb

Honeycomb, honey, honey
Remember you're a drone
And the Queen however plastic
Runs the honeycomb

She'd brought along the oranges
He'd brought the tea
They both brought along a sick-bag just in case

The plate of chicken sandwiches
Were lovely, they agreed
And I watched him spit the bits into her face

"Do you love me like you used to?" He sighs
"I love you twice as much", she replies
They were on the train to Venice, where else?
I think tonight I fancy myself

I'd rather drink that toast to my own health
I think tonight I'd rather love myself
And if you drink that drink to your own health
I think tonight I'd rather love myself

Later in the evening
The sun came rolling down
And they talked about their fantasies and fears

Between the heavy breathing
And those lighter licking sounds
I heard him whisper this question in her ear

"Would you still love me if I lost my legs?"
"I'd see that you were loved and you were fed"
"I end up in a car crash almost dead"
"For richer and for partly severed head"

I'd rather drink that toast to my own health
I think tonight I'd rather love myself
And if you drink that drink to your own health
I think tonight I'd rather love myself

The neighbors ask them out but they flatly refuse
"We're saving up for a world-wide cruise"
With a choice between a loneliness and love sick QE2's
Well, tonight I choose self-abuse

A four-pack in the fridge
A good book on the shelf
I think tonight I'd rather love myself

(Heaton/Rotheray)
Ginger Elvis Presley looked a fraction sad
Roaming the whole town from bin to bin
Well living on the streets wasn't all that bad
Where no-one seemed to know that he was King

The sound of New York City
isn't police sirens wailing
It's the sound of Wall Street tills
whilst everyone is failing

Sometimes you feel expensive
sometimes you feels so cheap
You can roam the streets a King
whilst everyone's asleep
You can mime to any record
with a hairbrush or a spoon
But God help the singer out of tune

A crippled Mohammad Ali
looked at bad luck in the mirror
Bad luck looked back at him and sighed
He looked a good foot smaller
and a couple of stone thinner
And if anyone came toward him
he would hide

The sound of North America
isn't Christians quietly praying
It's the sound of shuffling feet
that don't know where they're going

Sometimes you feel expensive
sometimes you feels so cheap
You can roam the streets a King
whilst everyone's asleep
You can fight with anybody
with a glimmer of a chance
But God help the boxer with no hands

A homeless Greta Garbo
moves across the street
The moonlight shining clearly
through her skirt
A real life living legend
that no-one wants to meet
And that's when being Garbo
really hurts

The lyrics of "New York"
may have Frank Sinatra singing
But the rhythm and the melody
were dead black men swinging

Sometimes you feel expensive
sometimes you feels so cheap
You can roam the streets a Queen
whilst everyone's asleep
You can act with anybody
from the cradle to the crypt
But God help the actress
who doesn't know the script

Love takes time we all agree
and time's not the easiest to cheat
The water changes one degree
When will the shiver
of this river
turn to sea

The river does no good, no harm
Tempts us like pirates to its calm
Lover's shanty, devil's psalm
Goddamn this river
and its shiver
and its charm

If you've got love's A to Z
Don't go dredging river bed
Use your fins and use your head
This river's hooked the floating dead

Our lives go bounding down the strewn
When will we realise minnow dreams
The frustration eating you and me
Our only wish
to be the fish
that meets the sea

We cannot tell a he or she
But us fish can tell a we
We know the seed we know the tree
When will my conker
conquer thee

The cheaper woman and myself
We've both got ladders in our tights
When you've been left on the top shelf
You've got those ladders in your sights

Love takes time we all agree
and time's not the easiest to cheat
The water changes one degree
When will the shiver
of this river
turn to sea

The river does no good, no harm
Tempts us like pirates to its calm
Lover's shanty, devil's psalm
Goddamn this river
and its shiver
and its charm

If you've got love's A to Z
Don't go dredging river bed
Use your fins and use your head
This river's hooked the floating dead

Our lives go bounding down the strewn
When will we realise minnow dreams
The frustration eating you and me
Our only wish
to be the fish
that meets the sea

We cannot tell a he or she
But us fish can tell a we
We know the seed we know the tree
When will my conker
conquer thee

The cheaper woman and myself
We've both got ladders in our tights
When you've been left on the top shelf
You've got those ladders in your sights

Little seas can be big seas
To the wrong or long of sights
But the Mediterranean
Looks like aspirin tonight

The Doctor told me the chemist
He had nothing for my plights
But the Mediterranean
Looks like aspirin tonight

This ocean puts in motion
All our wildest Crusoe thoughts
Turns brain to Kontiki
When it's always been left in port

I'd rather be cemented
In deep blue building site
'Cause drugs can get you higher
But my chosen drug tonight
Is the reliable Mediterranean
Is the reliable Mediterranean
Is my chosen my chosen drug tonight

Little voyage can be big voyage
If you sail in the middle of night
But the Mediterranean
Needs the compass tonight

It gives cheap thrills to the seagulls
Life to lifes little kites
But the Mediterranean
Is my aspirin tonight

This ocean puts in motion
All our wildest Crusoe thoughts
Turns brain to Kontiki
When it's always been left in port

I'd rather be cemented
In deep blue building site
'Cause drugs can get you higher
But my chosen drug tonight
Is the reliable Mediterranean
Is the reliable Mediterranean
Is my chosen my chosen drug tonight

I'd rather be cemented
In deep blue building site
'Cause drugs can get you higher
But my chosen drug tonight
Is the reliable Mediterranean
Is the reliable Mediterranean
Is my chosen my chosen drug tonight

Little seas can be big seas
To the wrong or long of sights
But the Mediterranean
Looks like aspirin tonight

The Doctor told me the chemist
He had nothing for my plights
But the Mediterranean
Looks like aspirin tonight

This ocean puts in motion
All our wildest Crusoe thoughts
Turns brain to Kontiki
When it's always been left in port

I'd rather be cemented
In deep blue building site
'Cause drugs can get you higher
But my chosen drug tonight
Is the reliable Mediterranean
Is the reliable Mediterranean
Is my chosen my chosen drug tonight

Little voyage can be big voyage
If you sail in the middle of night
But the Mediterranean
Needs the compass tonight

It gives cheap thrills to the seagulls
Life to lifes little kites
But the Mediterranean
Is my aspirin tonight

This ocean puts in motion
All our wildest Crusoe thoughts
Turns brain to Kontiki
When it's always been left in port

I'd rather be cemented
In deep blue building site
'Cause drugs can get you higher
But my chosen drug tonight
Is the reliable Mediterranean
Is the reliable Mediterranean
Is my chosen my chosen drug tonight

I'd rather be cemented
In deep blue building site
'Cause drugs can get you higher
But my chosen drug tonight
Is the reliable Mediterranean
Is the reliable Mediterranean
Is my chosen my chosen drug tonight

Woman goes to heaven, it's not important when
'Cause as soon as she arrives God has to send her down again
"You've got an extra five years to clean up after men"
"I mean no disrespect God, but you better make it ten"

Well if heaven's an improvement I won't mind the extra squeeze
I've got a few more birds down there, after losing bees
Trying to lose their bees

So don't be shocked who queue-jumps
Or who just calmly waits
A certain type of behavior
The guest list just creates

No time for lively discussion
No time for televised debates
The well-meaning soon become well meant
It's the hard sell or hell at the gates, the gates

Alcoholic finds himself outside the pearly gates
I've only got one worry God, a few outstanding slates
Any tab you used to have been passed to so called mates
And after they've paid-up they're off to the land of empty crates

Heaven is a glass, neither half empty nor half full
So do us all a favor God and give that thing a pull
Give that thing a pull

So don't be shocked who queue-jumps
Or who just calmly waits
A certain type of behavior
The guest list just creates

No time for lively discussion
No time for televised debates
The well-meaning soon become the well meant
It's the hard sell or hell at the gates, the gates

Model turns up hours late, he had to get it right
If you're gonna look cool in heaven wear something more than white
Vanity's close to arrogance, just slightly more polite
Fashion show a jumble sale at a slightly different height
At a slightly different height

So don't be shocked who queue-jumps
Or who just calmly waits
A certain type of behavior
The guest list just creates

No time for lively discussion
No time for televised debates
The well-meaning soon become the well meant
It's the hard sell or hell at the gates, the gates
The gates, the gates

Sadness has filled a lonely place
Before that there was just a hole
At least now there's sadness on my face
My lower lip has finally found it's role

So the wind and the rain and the snow
Had no particular place to go
So they thought they'd come and spend some time with me
They're better friends than you could ever be

Chorus:
There's a tattoo, a small tattoo
Waiting there unpaid for you
And if you ever bump into Unlucky
Don't forget who broke your heart in two
You better get there early, there's a million in the queue
Just waiting for the name on their tattoo

Emptiness has filled a vacant heart
Finally found a place for it to hide
And as I wander like a fool from bar to bar
Empty has become my greatest guide

And the tears and the pain and the despise
Looked at me through bankrupt eyes
They had nowhere else that they could land
So I invited them to take my bloody hand

Chorus:
So queuing for a tattoo and I can't decide the name
I've been wondering night after night
When they put that needle in me I'll scream your name in pain
And I hope he spells 'you bastard' right

B-A-S-T-A-R-D, stick that needle deep in me

I love you from the bottom, of my pencil case
I love you in the songs, I write and sing

Love you because, you put me in my rightful place
And I love the PRS cheques, that you bring

Cheap, never cheap
I'll sing you songs till you're asleep
When you've gone upstairs I'll creep
And write it all down

Oh Shirley, Oh Deborah, Oh Julie, Oh Jane
I wrote so many songs about you
I forget your name (I forget your name)
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel, too
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel, too
I forget your name

I love your from the bottom of my pencil case
I love the way you never ask me why
I love to write about each wrinkle on your face
And I love you till my fountain pen runs dry

Deep so deep, the number one I hope to reap
Depends upon the tears you weep, so cry, lovey cry, cry, cry, cry

Oh Cathy, Oh Alison, Oh Phillipa, Oh Sue
You made me so much money, I wrote this song for you
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel, too
I wrote this song for you

So let me talk about Mary, a sad story
Turned her grief into glory
Late at night, by the typewriter light,
She ripped his ribbon to shreds

I love you from the bottom, of my pencil case
I love you in the songs, I write and sing

Love you because, you put me in my rightful place
And I love the PRS cheques, that you bring

Cheap, never cheap
I'll sing you songs till you're asleep
When you've gone upstairs I'll creep
And write it all down

Oh Shirley, Oh Deborah, Oh Julie, Oh Jane
I wrote so many songs about you
I forget your name (I forget your name)
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel, too
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel, too
I forget your name

I love your from the bottom of my pencil case
I love the way you never ask me why
I love to write about each wrinkle on your face
And I love you till my fountain pen runs dry

Deep so deep, the number one I hope to reap
Depends upon the tears you weep, so cry, lovey cry, cry, cry, cry

Oh Cathy, Oh Alison, Oh Phillipa, Oh Sue
You made me so much money, I wrote this song for you
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel, too
I wrote this song for you

So let me talk about Mary, a sad story
Turned her grief into glory
Late at night, by the typewriter light,
She ripped his ribbon to shreds

I love you from the bottom of my pencil case
I love you in the songs I write and sing

Love you because you put me in my rightful place
And I love the PRS cheques that you bring

Cheap, never cheap
I’ll sing you songs till you’re asleep
When you’ve gone upstairs I’ll creep
And write it all down

Oh Shirley, Oh Deborah, Oh Julie, Oh Jane
I wrote so many songs about you
I forget your name (I forget your name)
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel too
I forget your name
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel too
I forget your name

I love you from the bottom of my pencil case
I love the way you never ask me why
I love to write about each wrinkle on your face
And I love you till my fountain pen runs dry

Deep, so deep, the number one I hope to reap
Depends upon the tears you weep, so cry,
lovely cry, cry, cry, cry

Oh Cathy, Oh Alison, Oh Phillipa, Oh Sue
You made me so much money,
I wrote this song for you
I wrote this song for you
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel too
I wrote this song for you
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel too
...

Oh Cathy, Oh Alison, Oh Phillipa, Oh Sue
You made me so much money,
I wrote this song for you
I wrote this song for you
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel too
I wrote this song for you
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel too
For you....
I wrote this song for you

So let me talk about Mary, a sad story
Turned her grief into glory
So let me talk about Mary, a sad story
Turned her grief into glory

Late at night by the typewriter light,
She ripped his ribbons to shreds
Late at night by the typewriter light,
She ripped his ribbons to shreds

So let me talk about Mary, a sad story
Turned her grief into glory
talk about Mary, a sad story
Turned her grief into glory

Late at night by the typewriter light,
She ripped his ribbons to shreds
Late at night by the typewriter light,
She ripped his ribbons to shreds

So let me talk about Mary, a sad story
Turned her grief into glory
let me talk about Mary, a sad story
Turned her grief into glory
Late at night by the typewriter light,
She ripped his ribbons to shreds
Late at night by the typewriter light,
She ripped his ribbons to shreds

I wrote this song for you..

(Heaton/Rotheray)
I should've kept my eyes shut
But I had to go and peep
But when you saw what I saw
Well, it's hard just to roll back to sleep

I would've kept my eyes shut
But I thought I heard you scream
And I've a penchant for violence
You don't seem to find in a dream

The scene a little clearer
My father with a rope
And in the cage, centre-stage
It's mother who's destined to choke

And she choke and we choke
On the words that we wish we'd not spoke
Just when you felt you had someone to trust
Out comes the man with the dagger and cloak

I should've read the novels
Believed every word
But the stories they wrote
Were so different to ones that I'd heard

I should've kept my eyes shut
My mouth should've closed
But the mixture of vomit and blood
Just crept up through my nose

It became a little clearer
As soon as I awoke
My father stands with rope in hand
A screaming mother kneels in hope

And she hope and we hope
That me words that she said won't provoke
A smile is removed and a petal is crushed
What once was a laugh has turned into a joke

You should've kept your mouth shut

-------------
Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By PAUL HEATON, DAVE ROTHERAY
<i>Lyrics &copy; Universal Music Publishing Group</i>

Imagine sailing solo around the world
Only to find you've missed a continent out
And as your happy turns choppy and tidal wave swirls
You're wondering why there's no one about

At least Captain Scott actually stood on the spot
Where he planned to put up Union Jack
And though Captain Cook cursed the map that he took
He got near enough for native's attack

That's how it feels trying to navigate you
Even with compass and infinite time
And just when I think I've found some part that's new
I find a flag already up that's not mine

Circling you is journey minus view
Exploration without reason or reward
'Cause when I get near, you use an arrow or spear
To prevent my heart ever being shored

The earth ain't flat but it's a simple doormat
Compared to your unclimbable self
The desolate terrain, you have to cross to your brain
Just one of your slippery shelves

That's how it feels trying to navigate you
Even with compass and infinite time
And just when I think I've found some part that's new
I find a flag already up that's not mine

And if I ever get close, I'll need a banner or post
To hang it from, first there or not
So voyage may uncover a sister or brother
And a friendship that Colombus forgot

(Heaton/Rotheray)
And the women tug their hair
Like they're trying to prove it won't fall out
And all the men are gargoyles
Dipped long in Irish stout

The whole place is pickled
The people are pickles for sure
And no-one knows if they've done more here
Than they ever would do in a jar

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone
Anywhere alone

And everyone is blonde
And everyone is beautiful
and when blondes and beautiful are multiple
they become so dull and dutiful

And when faced with dull and dutiful
They fire red warning flares
Battle-Khaki personality
With red underwear

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone
Anywhere alone

The whole place is pickled
The people are pickles for sure
And no-one knows if they've done more here
Than they ever would do in a jar

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone

And the women tug their hair
Like they're trying to prove it won't fall out
And all the men are gargoyles
Dipped long in Irish stout

The whole place is pickled
The people are pickles for sure
And no-one knows if they've done more here
Than they ever would do in a jar

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone
Anywhere alone

And everyone is blonde
And everyone is beautiful
and when blondes and beautiful are multiple
they become so dull and dutiful

And when faced with dull and dutiful
They fire red warning flares
Battle-Khaki personality
With red underwear

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone
Anywhere alone

The whole place is pickled
The people are pickles for sure
And no-one knows if they've done more here
Than they ever would do in a jar

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone

And the women tug their hair
Like they're trying to prove it won't fall out
And all the men are gargoyles
Dipped long in Irish stout

The whole place is pickled
The people are pickles for sure
And no-one knows if they've done more here
Than they ever would do in a jar

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone
Anywhere alone

And everyone is blonde
And everyone is beautiful
and when blondes and beautiful are multiple
they become so dull and dutiful

And when faced with dull and dutiful
They fire red warning flares
Battle-Khaki personality
With red underwear

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone
Anywhere alone

The whole place is pickled
The people are pickles for sure
And no-one knows if they've done more here
Than they ever would do in a jar

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone

All the secrets we have shared
Have moved to a couple better paired
So if he impales himself on javelin or spike
I will try my best to be the perfect lookalike

And if he wants to be smart
And enter a property quiz
Every weed in the garden's mine but the lawnmower's his
Every weed in the garden's mine but the lawnmower's his

And if his manhood needs the help of scaffold or even a winch
I will gladly supplement that extra little inch
And if it ever reaches tie-break at the property quiz
If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my tits and fanny not his
If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my not his

Now you've found someone new
May I watch him do what I used to do
So if he dies an ugly death or even if he faints
I'll be there at the window with my face pressed up against

Maybe I shouted too loud
Maybe you were blissfully deaf
But I hope he's a better sport than he was a ref
I hope he's a better sport than he was a ref

And if his manhood needs the help of scaffold or even a winch
I will gladly supplement that extra little inch
And if it ever reaches tie-break at the property quiz
If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my tits and fanny not his
If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my not his

I hope he likes to fly
And is a good host to every guest
'Cause there's less chance of dying in a crash than being bored to death
Yes there's less chance of dying in a crash than being bored to death

And if his manhood needs the help of scaffold or even a winch
I will gladly supplement that extra little inch
And if it ever reaches tie-break at the property quiz
If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my tits and fanny not his
If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my not his

Now you've found someone new

I set out to wander
Up lonely man street
Where faith and devotion,
I would hopefully meet
I went there with nothing
Packed as light as I could
And you begged me to stay,
Though you knew,
Baby I'm no good
I'll love you forever
You'll stay in my heart
But all that I wanted
Was doomed from the start
I thought you could save me
Well if anyone could
But I knew that you knew all along
Baby I'm no good
Not once was I faithful,
I cheated and lied
I know that you loved me
But my hands, they were tied
I followed the voices
Like a weak man should
And I guess they were right about me,
Baby I'm no good
In the end when I've fallen
Face down in the rain
And you come back to ask me
What I lost, what I gained
I'd probably answer
I did all that I could
But it wasn't that much I'm afraid,
Baby I'm no good
No it wasn't that much I'm afraid
Baby I'm no good

Line One is the time
That you, you first stayed over at mine
And we drank our first bottle of wine
And we cried

Line Two we're away
And we both, we both had nowhere to stay
Well the bus-shelter's always OK
When you're young

Now you're older and I look at your face
Every wrinkle is so easy to place
And I only write them down just in case
That you die

Let's take a look at these crows feet, just look
Sitting on the prettiest eyes
Sixty 25th of Decembers
Fifty-nine 4th of Julys
Not through the age or the failure, children
Not through the hate or despise
Take a good look at these crows feet
Sitting on the prettiest eyes

Line Three I forget
But I think, I think it was our first ever bet
And the horse we backed was short of a leg
Never mind

Line Four in a park
And the things, the things that people do in the dark
I could hear the faintest beat of your heart
Then we did

Now you're older and I look at your face
Every wrinkle is so easy to place
And I only write them down just in case
You should die

Lets take a look at these crows feet, just look
Sitting on the prettiest eyes
Sixty 25th of Decembers
Fifty-nine 4th of Julys
You can't have too many good times, children
You can't have too many lines
Take a good look at these crows feet
Sitting on the prettiest eyes

Well my eyes look like a map of the town
And my teeth are either yellow or they're brown
But you'll never hear the crack of a frown
When you are here
You'll never hear the crack
Of a frown

Line One is the time
That you, you first stayed over at mine
And we drank our first bottle of wine
And we cried

Line Two we're away
And we both, we both had nowhere to stay
Well the bus-shelter's always OK
When you're young

Now you're older and I look at your face
Every wrinkle is so easy to place
And I only write them down just in case
That you die

Let's take a look at these crows feet, just look
Sitting on the prettiest eyes
Sixty 25th of Decembers
Fifty-nine 4th of Julys
Not through the age or the failure, children
Not through the hate or despise
Take a good look at these crows feet
Sitting on the prettiest eyes

Line Three I forget
But I think, I think it was our first ever bet
And the horse we backed was short of a leg
Never mind

Line Four in a park
And the things, the things that people do in the dark
I could hear the faintest beat of your heart
Then we did

Now you're older and I look at your face
Every wrinkle is so easy to place
And I only write them down just in case
You should die

Lets take a look at these crows feet, just look
Sitting on the prettiest eyes
Sixty 25th of Decembers
Fifty-nine 4th of Julys
You can't have too many good times, children
You can't have too many lines
Take a good look at these crows feet
Sitting on the prettiest eyes

Well my eyes look like a map of the town
And my teeth are either yellow or they're brown
But you'll never hear the crack of a frown
When you are here
You'll never hear the crack
Of a frown

Is it Cologne with it's great cathedral?
Milan with it's glamour and it's pace?
London with it's river and it's bridges?
Lisbon with it's beauty and it's grace?

Funny looking buses
Climb it's pot-bellied hills
And a solitary jogger
Times the time he kills

Do you know where I'm gonna go?
None of you have guessed, so none of you can know
If you've been, that's not where I mean
It's got class and it's got excellence like you've never seen

Your town is dragging me down
Dragging me down, down, down
Your town is dragging me down
Dragging me down, down, down

Is it Dublin with it's culture and it's wit?
Madrid with it's market square?
Paris with it's bustling cafes?
Hull with it's musical flair?

Do you know where I'm gonna go?
None of you have guessed so none of you can know


If you've been, that's not where I mean
It's got class and it's got excellence like you've never seen

Your town is dragging me down
Is dragging me down, down, down
Your town is dragging me down
Is dragging me down, down, down

As I watch them drop the grain into your fish tank brain
How can you like this place when it never even rains?

Never even rains

Your town is dragging me down
Is dragging me down, down, down
Your town is dragging me down
Is dragging me down, down, down

Is dragging me down, down, down
Is dragging me down, down, down
Is dragging me down, down, down

'I fought hard in the Second World War'
You hear them shout
No good bragging about the Afrika Korps
It was Beadle's About

They dressed you up and took you off to World War One
Armed you and surrounded you with wire
Sat in stinking mud you sung your stupid songs
And waited till they told you when to fire

Cause the rulers always laugh
At a video bloodbath
Nothing makes them laugh
Like a video bloodbath

From the First World War to the Yom-Kippur
It was Beadle's About
The bayonets slice, the rockets roar
And he jumps out

Fond memories of the bloody bridge you failed to hold
Many of your buddies killed or maimed
You would've shot at rabbits if that's what you'd been told
Till the General said 'I'm sorry you've been framed'

Cause the rulers always laugh
At a video bloodbath
And nothing gets a laugh
Like a video bloodbath

Chorus:
Keep those entries coming
Leave those cameras running
Keep those entrails coming
Leave those soldiers gunning
Because you're sure to get a laugh
With a video bloodbath
Nothing gets a laugh
Like a video bloodbath

Here's a wacky video we got last week
A bomb catches Arthur unawares
He's lost both his arms and he can't see or speak
But thank you for the memory you shared

Cause the rulers always laugh
At a video bloodbath
And nothing gets a laugh
Like a video bloodbath

Chorus

She's a perfect 10, but she wears a 12
Baby keep a little 2 for me
She could be sweet 16, bustin' out at the seams
It's still love in the first degree

When he's at my gate, with a big fat 8
You wanna see the smile on my face
And even at my door, with a poor poor 4
There ain't no man can replace

'Cause we love our love,
in different sizes
I love her body, especially the lies
Time takes it's toll, but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

If he's extra large well I'm in charge
I can work this thing on top
If he's XXL well what the hell
Every penny don't fit the slot

The anorexic chicks, the model 6
They don't hold no weight with me
Well 8 or 9, well that's just fine
But I like to hold something I can see

'Cause we love our love,
in different sizes
I love her body, especially the lies
Time takes it's toll, but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

I've bought a watch, to time your beauty
But I've had to fit a second hand
I've bought a calendar, and every month
Is taken up by lover man

'Cause we love our love,
in different sizes
I love her body, especially the lies
Time takes it's toll, but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

'Cause we love our love, in different sizes
I love her body, especially the lies
Time takes it's toll, but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

She's a perfect 10, but she wears a 12
Baby keep a little 2 for me
She could be sweet 16, bustin' out at the seams
It's still love in the first degree

When he's at my gate, with a big fat 8
You wanna see the smile on my face
And even at my door, with a poor poor 4
There ain't no man can replace

'Cause we love our love,
in different sizes
I love her body, especially the lies
Time takes it's toll, but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

If he's extra large well I'm in charge
I can work this thing on top
If he's XXL well what the hell
Every penny don't fit the slot

The anorexic chicks, the model 6
They don't hold no weight with me
Well 8 or 9, well that's just fine
But I like to hold something I can see

'Cause we love our love,
in different sizes
I love her body, especially the lies
Time takes it's toll, but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

I've bought a watch, to time your beauty
But I've had to fit a second hand
I've bought a calendar, and every month
Is taken up by lover man

'Cause we love our love,
in different sizes
I love her body, especially the lies
Time takes it's toll, but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

'Cause we love our love, in different sizes
I love her body, especially the lies
Time takes it's toll, but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

She's a perfect 10, but she wears a 12
Baby keep a little 2 for me
She could be sweet 16, bustin' out at the seams
It's still love in the first degree

When he's at my gate, with a big fat 8
You wanna see the smile on my face
And even at my door, with a poor poor 4
There ain't no man can replace

'Cause we love our love,
in different sizes
I love her body, especially the lies
Time takes it's toll, but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

If he's extra large well I'm in charge
I can work this thing on top
If he's XXL well what the hell
Every penny don't fit the slot

The anorexic chicks, the model 6
They don't hold no weight with me
Well 8 or 9, well that's just fine
But I like to hold something I can see

'Cause we love our love,
in different sizes
I love her body, especially the lies
Time takes it's toll, but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

I've bought a watch, to time your beauty
But I've had to fit a second hand
I've bought a calendar, and every month
Is taken up by lover man

'Cause we love our love,
in different sizes
I love her body, especially the lies
Time takes it's toll, but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

'Cause we love our love, in different sizes
I love her body, especially the lies
Time takes it's toll, but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

I once had a friend who I loved from my heart
But I went on and left her 'fore I'd made a start
Now I'm moaning the blues like the rest of the charts
Take me back

So I'll cry with a limp
Just get by on a limb
Till these blue eyes of mine they are closed
So here's to an old fashioned peck on the cheek
And farewell my sweet Northern Rose

Give me one last love song
To bring you back, bring you back
Give me one last video, just dressed in black, dressed in black
Give him a chorus and that bit at the end
Where he wails on and on 'bout the loss of a friend
Let him scream loudly 'well this love could mend'
Let it die, let it die

Those bloody great ballads we hated at first
Well I bought them all, now I'm writing worse
Save us from baldness and saving the earth
Take me back

And I'll smile with a limp
And I'll love with a limp
Till the clouds disappear from above
And as the storm moves away all I can say
Is there's a towel on the door for your love

Give me one last love song
To bring you back, bring you back
Give me one last video, just dressed in black, dressed in black
Give him a chorus and that bit at the end
Where he wails on and on 'bout the loss of a friend
Let him scream loudly 'well this love could mend'
Let it die, let it die, let it die

I once had a friend who I loved from my heart
But I went on and left her 'fore I'd made a start
Now I'm moaning the blues like the rest of the charts
Take me back

So I'll cry with a limp
Just get by on a limb
Till these blue eyes of mine they are closed
So here's to an old fashioned peck on the cheek
And farewell my sweet Northern Rose

Give me one last love song
To bring you back, bring you back
Give me one last video, just dressed in black, dressed in black
Give him a chorus and that bit at the end
Where he wails on and on 'bout the loss of a friend
Let him scream loudly 'well this love could mend'
Let it die, let it die

Those bloody great ballads we hated at first
Well I bought them all, now I'm writing worse
Save us from baldness and saving the earth
Take me back

And I'll smile with a limp
And I'll love with a limp
Till the clouds disappear from above
And as the storm moves away all I can say
Is there's a towel on the door for your love

Give me one last love song
To bring you back, bring you back
Give me one last video, just dressed in black, dressed in black
Give him a chorus and that bit at the end
Where he wails on and on 'bout the loss of a friend
Let him scream loudly 'well this love could mend'
Let it die, let it die, let it die

(Heaton/Rotheray)
Like the toupee on a fading fame
The final whistle in a losing game
Thick lipstick on a five year old girl
It makes you think it's a plastic world

A plastic world and we're all plastic too
Just a couple of different faces in a dead man's queue
The world is turning Disney and there's nothing you can do
You're trying to walk like giants
but you're wearing Pluto's shoes

And the answers fall easier from the barrel of a gun
Than it does from the lips of the beautiful and the dumb
The world won't end in darkness, it'll end in family fun
With Coca Cola clouds behind a Big Mac sun

A howling scream in a church asleep
Rusty bicycle in an ocean deep
Like an ear-ring on the newly born
Strong perfume on a winter's morn

The world is perfumed and we're perfumed as well
Petals from a flower that blossomed in hell
And you can't breathe the air through the thickness of the smell
And you can't see the hair through the grease of the gel

And the answers fall easier from the barrel of a gun
Than it does from the lips of the beautiful and the dumb
The world won't end in darkness, it'll end in family fun
With Coca Cola clouds behind a Big Mac sun

You say there's only one God, you could do with two or three
Your Jesus Christ is hired out, like the slag of Galilee
Well if Peter is a prostitute, then what does that make me

There's only one God
There should be two or three
One God
There should be two or three
One God
There should be two or three
Two or three

Old Red eyes is back
Red from the night before the night before
Walked into the wrong bar walked into a door

Old Red's in town
And sitting late at night he doesn't make a sound
Just adding to the wrinkles on his deathly frown

They're only red from all the tears that I should've shed
They're only red from all the women that I could've wed
So when you look into these eyes I hope you realise
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue

Listen up Old Red
You never listened to a word the doctor said
He told you if you drank another you'd be dead

Old Red Eyes is back
His shoulders ache all over and his brain is sore
He pours a drink and listens to his body thaw

They're only red from all the thoughts unused inside my head
They're only red from all the things I could have done instead
So when you look into these eyes I hope you realise
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue

Blue is a street without an end
Red is the colour of my hell
Blue is a greeting from a friend
Red is the colour of farewell

Old Red he died
And every single landlord in the district cried
An empty bottle of whisky laying by his side
A lazy little tear running from each eye
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue

Old Red eyes is back
Red from the night before the night before
Walked into the wrong bar walked into a door

Old Red's in town
And sitting late at night he doesn't make a sound
Just adding to the wrinkles on his deathly frown

They're only red from all the tears that I should've shed
They're only red from all the women that I could've wed
So when you look into these eyes I hope you realise
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue

Listen up Old Red
You never listened to a word the doctor said
He told you if you drank another you'd be dead

Old Red Eyes is back
His shoulders ache all over and his brain is sore
He pours a drink and listens to his body thaw

They're only red from all the thoughts unused inside my head
They're only red from all the things I could have done instead
So when you look into these eyes I hope you realise
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue

Blue is a street without an end
Red is the colour of my hell
Blue is a greeting from a friend
Red is the colour of farewell

Old Red he died
And every single landlord in the district cried
An empty bottle of whisky laying by his side
A lazy little tear running from each eye
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue

This is my life and this is how it reads
For every chapter, a thousand memories
A murder, a mystery where everybody bleeds
A fantasy, a thriller with romance and disease

Diary entry 9th of May '62
We've had some ugly babies but none were quite like you
Diary entry '62 end of May
It looks as if the nose and chin are definitely here to stay
They're here to stay, they're here to stay

If my lips start smiling and my knees start a-knocking
I'm a failure
You are, you are
And if I seem half-hearted, it's because I'm broken hearted
And I'm a failure
You are, you are, you are (I am)
You are, you are, you are (I am)

This is my life and this is how it reads
A documentary that nobody believes
Albert Steptoe in 'Gone with the Breeze'
Mother played by Peter Beardsley, father by John Cleese

Diary entry '68 end of the year
A cardboard Apollo 6 has given the all clear
11th December '68 Captain's log
Proposed trip to Mars is cancelled due to fog
It's due to fog, it's due to fog

If my lips start smiling and my knees start a-knocking
I'm a failure
You are, you are
And if I seem half-hearted, it's because I'm broken hearted
And I'm a failure
You are, you are, you are (I am)
You are, you are, you are (I am)

This is the play, it was I who wrote the script
Terry meets June in 'Tales from the Crypt'
It was going to be a film but the camera person slipped
They later found him scolding a banana

Diary entry 10th of April '89
The world is going mad but me I'm doing fine
I'm doing fine

Back to bed, back to reality

(Heaton/Rotheray)
Here he comes - Mother's Pride
With the first ever satchel she bought him swinging by his side
Here he comes Mother's Pride
With a headful of 'get your laces tied' and 'woe betide'

With a year's supply of sandwiches and fairy cakes
That she provides for him to eat at dinner breaks
It's no surprise at all, at ad the friends he makes
His stomach aches
he's Mother's Pride

He's presentable, well looked after
He's domestically disastrous
He's adorable - Mother's Pride

Here he comes - Father's Pride
With a head filled up with devil dogs and genocide
Here he comes - Father's Pride
He's showing all the kids his tickets for ringside

He'll always roam the yard looking for a fight
He'll pick on all the kids who're twice his height
He's the reason dinner ladies toss and turn at night
Teacher's Blight - Father's Pride

He's the image of his Dad
Mickey Mouse meets Jack the Lad
He's never sad - Father's Pride

Here he comes Mother's Pride
Here he comes Father's Pride
Here he comes Mother's Pride
Father's Pride
His Mother's Pride

-------------
Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By PAUL HEATON, DAVE ROTHERAY
<i>Lyrics &copy; Universal Music Publishing Group</i>

(Heaton/Rotheray)
They could be fat or could be thin
They could be black, they could be white
Tell me who's knocking at the knocking shop door tonight

Not much a girl can do but open or close
Those things are above doors
Not much legs can do but open or close
Those things are above us whores

So imagine a mirror
Bigger than the room it was placed in
Imagine my wish for a future that cannot hold my wish
Imagine the want to hold a rod that cannot hold the fish
Imagine a rod that cannot hold the fish

They could be lonely or could be bust
They could be tack, they could be real
They do have feelings, but just right now I feel

A feminine receptacle, that's just what I am
Those things are above us whores
Just the best target practice, for a misguided man
Those things are above us whores

So imagine a mirror
Bigger than the room it was placed in
Imagine my wish for a future that cannot hold my wish
Imagine the want to hold a rod that cannot hold the fish
Imagine a rod that cannot hold the fish

They say always use a condom, I say always use a whip
They say be careful where you come at night, I just shoot straight from the hip
When it comes to loves great fountain, I won't just take a sip
I'll swallow and I'll gulp until the fountain makes me sick

So it's me left with the baby and disease
You can't say you didn't want it on your hands and on your knees
You made me feel so special
Well you were especially good
I'm sorry that you misunderstood

These neatly folded corduroys hide rubber underneath
But the only rubber you have worn is that useless rubber sheath
I won't have what I've got for you stolen by no thief
'Cause the safest sex I've ever had was hanging from a tree

So you've left me for another pretty face
That's not true I left you for one half the human race
Now I'm by myself
A woman who knows her place
It's not so much the chase, it's the race

They say treat her like a lady and she'll treat you like her jewels
They say cruel to be kind, I just say cruel to be cruel
They say only marry once, I say only marry fools
They wouldn't have made the cane if you weren't meant to break the rules

Have you told them that you'll hurt them then be gone?
I've told them that I'll hurt them if that really turns them on
You left a bitter scar
I tied those ropes too tight!
I'll tie them loose for you tonight

When I told you that I loved you
I meant mini-correct
When I said I'd never leave you
I meant mini-correct
A ring around your finger, a chain around your neck
That was major correct

That grand facade
Will finally diminish
When he breaks your heart
From start to finish

Sisters dream of isles in paradise
That ain't no use when the captain's just capsized
The smile that you now know was a guise
Left his clever lips and stole the prize

So women take a loser's good advice
Let your hem go floating out but use the anchor twice
Don't feel ever sorry for the dicks
Just grab the dice and hope you roll a six, a six

That grand facade
Will finally diminish
When he breaks your heart
From start to finish

Sisters dream of isles in paradise
That ain't no use when the captain's just capsized
The happiness that you now know was a guise
Left his clever lips and stole the prize

So women take a loser's good advice
Let your hem go floating out but use the anchor twice
Don't feel ever sorry for the dicks
Just grab the dice and hope you roll a six, a six

So as nature gave out semen
To the jealous and the sick
Jesus gave out candies
To the dim or partially lit

And woman you're a lighthouse
While the candle only drips
Girl you are a shining star
In masculine eclipse

In masculine eclipse
In masculine eclipse
In masculine eclipse
In masculine eclipse

(Heaton/Rotheray)
You can't write a novel from a briefcase
You can write a poem from a trench
You can dream a dream from A to B
But you can't catch a bus from a bench

You don't back a horse called Striding Snail
You don't name your boat Titanic II
So why when I see your happy smiling face
Do I always end up singing Little Blue

Little Blue, how do you do
Your smile looks like heaven
but your eyes hold a storm about to brew
Little Blue
How can a flower so pretty
be so laden down with dew
Little Blue

How can a flower so pretty
be so laden down with dew
Little Blue

You can't build a brewery on a cemetery
You can build a pub on a church
And people fall quicker than buildings do
You have to decide what comes first

You don't call a plane the Flying Roman
'Cause the Romans always walked and never flew
So why when I see your happy smiling face
Do I always end up singing Little Blue

Little Blue, how do you do
Your smile looks like heaven
but your eyes hold a storm about to brew
Little Blue
How can a flower so pretty
be so laden down with dew
Little Blue

Well Bukowski wrote a story from a barstool
And Keats from the top of a hill
So I'm going to save my special song for you
From a grave where it's quiet and it's chill

'Cause there's a queue of clouds assembled
On the horizon of your smile
When most think that you're holding back
I know you're holding bile

Little Blue, how do you do
Your smile looks like heaven
but your eyes hold a storm about to brew
Little Blue
How can a flower so pretty
be so laden down with dew
Little Blue

How can a flower so pretty
be so laden down with dew
Little Blue

When was the last time you felt so happy
You had to give yourself a good pinch
When did you ever fail one of life's highs
Without using stepladder or winch

That's why the lifeless crave the past
'Cause when they're flogged, stoned, lynched
They can watch the living fizzle out to naught
Without even moving one inch

That's what keeps you alive
The thought of undeserved death
That's why cynics deep-sea dive
Just to watch someone healthy lose breath

That's what really makes you tick
When the fearless are stopped in their tracks
Optimism looks up counts the stars
Pessimism looks down and counts cracks

The Monday morning moaners club
That meet every week on park bench
At least they've earned their grumble stripes
When they fought tooth and nail in the trench

If you ever sat down in one place too long
They'd need a fork-lift truck and a wrench
Indecision drip feeds modesty
But apathy fails even to quench

That's what keeps you alive
The thought of undeserved death
That's why cynics deep-sea dive
Just to watch someone healthy lose breath

That's what really makes you tick
When the fearless are stopped in their tracks
Optimism looks up counts the stars
Pessimism looks down and counts cracks

And even when it's every man for himself
You still like to stick with the bunch
You'd rather tag along at the back of the crowd
To risk anything on a hunch

That's what keeps you alive
The thought of undeserved death
That's why cynics deep-sea dive
Just to watch someone healthy lose breath

That's what really makes you tick
When the fearless are stopped in their tracks
Optimism looks up counts the stars
Pessimism looks down and counts cracks

That's what keeps you alive

(Heaton/Rotheray)
Well sitting in a bar alone
where no-one knows your name
is like laying in a graveyard
wide awake
You're scared that if you cough or yawn
you might wake up the dead
So pretend to read a paper
or just drink instead

I'm a stand-up comedian
but I'd sit down if I could
The world just seems
to want folk like me to stand
And the punch-lines seem to disappear
like clouds across the sky
And the laughter could be real
or could be canned

Rum by the kettle drum
Whiskey by the jar
At Liar's Bar

Well living with a lying man
could never really hurt
But living with a drunk
well no-one deserves
And you're looking for your husband
you're not sure he's still alive
Don't bother with the cemetery
he'll be down at liar's dive

I'm a travelling businessman
I just stopped in for one drink
You'll find
that I'm not like the other men
Their noses are red
whilst mine is only pink
And they didn't choose their drink
their drink chose them

Rum by the kettle drum
Whiskey by the jar
At Liar's Bar

And the grave-digger's smiling
at his reflection in his spade
He's visiting the seediest
the shallowest of graves
The vocal chords of elephants
and the characters of mice
They're singing "whisky, whisky"
so good they named it twice

Well don't pass buildings with lights on
if I said that I did I'd have lied
'Cause what looks like a Chinese restaurant
may have Chinese New Year inside
And son all my life I've been searching
the bars I've been in I forget
The lights outside ever brighter
but a light on the inside not yet

Rum by the kettle drum
Whiskey by the jar
At Liar's Bar

And he's a world-wide traveller
he's not like me or you
But he comes in mighty regular
for one who's passing through
That one came in his work clothes
he's missed his last bus home
He's missed a hell of a lot of buses
for a man who wants to roam

If I look rough I am rough
If I look sad I am
If I look broke I am broke
Just a broke down piece of man

I've turned over enough leaves
to fill an autumn
and if I had one final wish
I'd be your slave for a decade
if you could take me away from this
If you took me away from this
I'd be different you'd see
'Cause I didn't choose the drink
a drink just chose me

Rum by the kettle drum
Whiskey by the jar
At Liar's Bar

Well I'm smoking like a chimney
And I'm drinking like a fish
At Liar's Bar

Don't whisper love and dream of wedding bells
Don't do all the talking, let love speak up itself
Let love speak up itself

So when you feel a little tatty and unhappy with your face
Let it breathe into us and put you back in place
Let it breathe, let it breathe
From the day it came into us till the day it wants to leave
For it will, it will go
And it will not say goodbye just like it didn't say hello
There will not be a send-off, a funeral or mass
Just a pathetic little vodka from a dirty little glass
'To the world's greatest mum
From the oldest swinger in town'

Let love speak up itself
Let love speak up itself
Let it rise up in the morning and take us for that walk
Let it do the talking when we're too tired to talk
When we're too tired to talk

And when you feel unhappy that I'm not the one I was
Let love rot inside and let love palm you off
Let it rot, let it rot
Let it take your feelings and tie them in a knot
In a knot, in a knot
Let it take your feelings and tie them in a knot
Hang them from a cleaver and say 'Look what we've got
A man and a woman and guess what they forgot'
'To the world's greatest mum
From the oldest swinger in town'

Let love speak up itself

The super fly guy that you're courtin' now
Used to be a super-swot
And the clothes he thinks look retro
Are more 'Land That Time Forgot'

And if he knows where he was standin'
When J.F.K was shot
Chances are though time's passed him by
He's still standing within yards of that spot

So if your hangover feels like the dart board
Whilst the Christians hit bulls-eye
And paranoia that self-employer
Is following in heavy disguise

Off goes intelligence to join high tide
To drift with all the things we let go
Only tidal wave could possibly save
All we let go with the flow

Let go with the flow
Books we may have written, we don't know
Let go with the flow
Some enchanted city we won't go

He who used to float like a butterfly once
Is floatin' like a glorious moth
And the fly girls you hung around with then
Are lucky if they even take off

Dresses and skirts you thought were in
Everyone a dust-rag or dishcloth
Like every flat beer that they serve around here
We all start life as fabulous froth

So why do you work yourself that hard
When you don't even like the job?
Why do you hate the small-time thief
When it's your own time, you'll always rob?

Off goes intelligence to join high tide
To drift with all the things we let go
Only tidal wave could possibly save
All we let go with the flow

Let go with the flow
Books we may have written, we don't know
Let go with the flow
Some enchanted city we won't go

Let go with the flow
Books we may have written, we don't know
Let go with the flow
Some enchanted city we won't go

I came in here, just to see his guilty face
I'm just checkin'
He's been dead twenty years but I sort of miss the chase
I'm just checkin'

I've seen folk just like her, pop their noses round the door
They're just checkin'
If this is where their husband was between 1 and 4
They're just checkin'

Nothing hits so definite, hits so hard
When he's moved from Old White Hart
and he's doing the Old Graveyard
We're running a check. On the love we had taken away
We're running a check. That death wasn't fortnight astray
Nothing hits so definite (repeat)

The mask of sobriety for afternoons he'd save
I'm just checkin'
If he could fool me regularly he'd certainly fool his grave
I'm just checkin'

I've seen those widows pray for the hunt that was taken away
They're just checkin'
They pretend they've just popped by like they popped by yesterday
They're just checkin'

I came round here in case he left a slate
No one settles up around here, like the widowed or the late
We've seen folk like you settle bills or family feuds
But no one's bought a drink for those that death excludes
We're just checkin'
We're just thinkin'
We're just sinkin'

> When you called me a useless druggie
At least you got half of it right
When you called me a hopeless alcoholic
I'm only hopeless after nine at night
And when I said you came staggering home blind drunk
If I didn't you'd get terrible fright
And if this is the land of hope and glory
Where's the land of hope but not quite
I've been scruff bag, dirt bag, always someones binbag
But never been bono or sting
However I dressed never really impressed
So they never got to hear a damn thing
I've been bad man sad man certified mad
But never 007 or saint
Trendsetter go getter international jet setter
Are just a few things that I ain't
The time you told class I was a half wit
Was my very first 50 %
Previous best in any other test
Was either stolen copied or lent
And when you branded me and every single one of my mates
A waste of time and effort to teach
Why d'you give us sums if our only hope was bums
On someone else's deckchair and beach
I've been smart arse, mardy arse, on and off a lard arse
But never been a legend to god
New thing dumb thing even last year's thing
Headbang? - not even a nod!
I've been left-wing, secure-wing, lost stripes, gained winged
We've never caused a lady to faint
Wideboy, ladyboy, read it in the paper boy
A few things they said that I ain't
When popularity soared, hometown and abroad
I spent most of it trying to breathe in
Always ill at ease, too willing to please
An inferior life's bargain bin
When you come from a background of bargain bins
You're bound to fear it ends where it begins
So when nation adored we felt more of a fraud
And too phoney to celebrate wins
I've been scruffbag, dirtbag, always someones binbag
But never been Bono or Sting
However I dressed never really impressed
So they never got to hear a damn thing
I've been badman, sadman, certified mad
But never 007 or Saint
Trend-setter, go-getter, international jet-setter
Are just a few things that I ain't

> When you called me a useless druggie
At least you got half of it right
When you called me a hopeless alcoholic
I'm only hopeless after nine at night
And when I said you came staggering home blind drunk
If I didn't you'd get terrible fright
And if this is the land of hope and glory
Where's the land of hope but not quite
I've been scruff bag, dirt bag, always someones binbag
But never been bono or sting
However I dressed never really impressed
So they never got to hear a damn thing
I've been bad man sad man certified mad
But never 007 or saint
Trendsetter go getter international jet setter
Are just a few things that I ain't
The time you told class I was a half wit
Was my very first 50 %
Previous best in any other test
Was either stolen copied or lent
And when you branded me and every single one of my mates
A waste of time and effort to teach
Why d'you give us sums if our only hope was bums
On someone else's deckchair and beach
I've been smart arse, mardy arse, on and off a lard arse
But never been a legend to god
New thing dumb thing even last year's thing
Headbang? - not even a nod!
I've been left-wing, secure-wing, lost stripes, gained winged
We've never caused a lady to faint
Wideboy, ladyboy, read it in the paper boy
A few things they said that I ain't
When popularity soared, hometown and abroad
I spent most of it trying to breathe in
Always ill at ease, too willing to please
An inferior life's bargain bin
When you come from a background of bargain bins
You're bound to fear it ends where it begins
So when nation adored we felt more of a fraud
And too phoney to celebrate wins
I've been scruffbag, dirtbag, always someones binbag
But never been Bono or Sting
However I dressed never really impressed
So they never got to hear a damn thing
I've been badman, sadman, certified mad
But never 007 or Saint
Trend-setter, go-getter, international jet-setter
Are just a few things that I ain't

If we crawl at two
We could crawl at twenty-two
And grovel at
The drop of a hat

And once they've got you down there
It's so hard to re-straighten your back
It we crawl at two
We could crawl at one handred and two

And the target brainless don't quite reach
Covered so kindly in your opening speech
Is a tiny crab of thought, crab of thought
On a sideways beach

Let lessons not the pupils teach
Justice not the lesers breach
And maggots not have fingers
Wagged at by leech

Well I made sure
I wrote this song in braille
So you could touch the words
The words that sail

From my mouth back to the jail
You could touch the words that sail
From the mouth back to the jail
That is posing as tongue

Curtsies, bows, thank you sirs
And the wearing of a business suit
Lead to complaints of backache
And end with a Nazi salute

And once they've got you down there
It's so hard to re-straighten your back
If we crawl at two
We could crawl at two two two

And the target brainless don't quite reach
Covered so kindly in your opening speech
Is a tiny crab of thought, crab of thought
On a sideways beach

Let lessons not the pupils teach
Justice not the lesers breach
And maggots not have fingers
Wagged at by leech

Well I made sure
I wrote this song in braille
So you could touch the words
The words that sail

From my mouth back to the jail
You could touch the words that sail
From the mouth back to the jail That is posing as tongue

If we crawl at two
We could crawl at twenty-two
If we crawl at two
We could crawl at twenty-two

If, if you choose that we will always lose
Well then I'll sail this ship alone
And if, if you decide to give him another try
Well then I'll sail this ship alone

Well they said if I wrote the perfect love song
You would take me back
Well I wrote it but I lost it
And now will you take me back anyway

Now if, if you insist that this is for the best
Well then I'll sail this ship alone
And if, if you swear that you no longer care
Well then I'll sail this ship alone

I'll sail this ship alone
Between the pain and the pleasure
I'll sail this ship alone
Amongst the sharks and the treasure
If you would rather go your way then go your way
I'll sail this ship alone

If, if you're afraid that I won't make the grade
Well then I'll sail this ship alone
And if, if you agree to him instead of me
Well then I'll sail this ship alone

Well they said if I wrote the perfect letter
That I would have a chance
Well I wrote it, and you burnt it
And now do I have a chance anyway

If, if you swear that you no longer care
Well then I'll sail this ship alone

I'll sail this ship alone
Between the pain and the pleasure
I'll sail this ship alone
Amongst the sharks and the treasure
If you would rather go your way then go your way
I'll sail this ship alone

Well they said if I burnt myself alive
That you'd come running back