Beautiful South

She'd brought along the oranges
He'd brought the tea
They both brought along a sick-bag just in case

The plate of chicken sandwiches
Were lovely, they agreed
And I watched him spit the bits into her face

"Do you love me like you used to?" He sighs
"I love you twice as much", she replies
They were on the train to Venice, where else?
I think tonight I fancy myself

I'd rather drink that toast to my own health
I think tonight I'd rather love myself
And if you drink that drink to your own health
I think tonight I'd rather love myself

Later in the evening
The sun came rolling down
And they talked about their fantasies and fears

Between the heavy breathing
And those lighter licking sounds
I heard him whisper this question in her ear

"Would you still love me if I lost my legs?"
"I'd see that you were loved and you were fed"
"I end up in a car crash almost dead"
"For richer and for partly severed head"

I'd rather drink that toast to my own health
I think tonight I'd rather love myself
And if you drink that drink to your own health
I think tonight I'd rather love myself

The neighbors ask them out but they flatly refuse
"We're saving up for a world-wide cruise"
With a choice between a loneliness and love sick QE2's
Well, tonight I choose self-abuse

A four-pack in the fridge
A good book on the shelf
I think tonight I'd rather love myself

This is my life and this is how it reads
For every chapter, a thousand memories
A murder, a mystery where everybody bleeds
A fantasy, a thriller with romance and disease

Diary entry 9th of May '62
We've had some ugly babies but none were quite like you
Diary entry '62 end of May
It looks as if the nose and chin are definitely here to stay
They're here to stay, they're here to stay

If my lips start smiling and my knees start a-knocking
I'm a failure
You are, you are
And if I seem half-hearted, it's because I'm broken hearted
And I'm a failure
You are, you are, you are (I am)
You are, you are, you are (I am)

This is my life and this is how it reads
A documentary that nobody believes
Albert Steptoe in 'Gone with the Breeze'
Mother played by Peter Beardsley, father by John Cleese

Diary entry '68 end of the year
A cardboard Apollo 6 has given the all clear
11th December '68 Captain's log
Proposed trip to Mars is cancelled due to fog
It's due to fog, it's due to fog

If my lips start smiling and my knees start a-knocking
I'm a failure
You are, you are
And if I seem half-hearted, it's because I'm broken hearted
And I'm a failure
You are, you are, you are (I am)
You are, you are, you are (I am)

This is the play, it was I who wrote the script
Terry meets June in 'Tales from the Crypt'
It was going to be a film but the camera person slipped
They later found him scolding a banana

Diary entry 10th of April '89
The world is going mad but me I'm doing fine
I'm doing fine

Back to bed, back to reality

Don't whisper love and dream of wedding bells
Don't do all the talking, let love speak up itself
Let love speak up itself

So when you feel a little tatty and unhappy with your face
Let it breathe into us and put you back in place
Let it breathe, let it breathe
From the day it came into us till the day it wants to leave
For it will, it will go
And it will not say goodbye just like it didn't say hello
There will not be a send-off, a funeral or mass
Just a pathetic little vodka from a dirty little glass
'To the world's greatest mum
From the oldest swinger in town'

Let love speak up itself
Let love speak up itself
Let it rise up in the morning and take us for that walk
Let it do the talking when we're too tired to talk
When we're too tired to talk

And when you feel unhappy that I'm not the one I was
Let love rot inside and let love palm you off
Let it rot, let it rot
Let it take your feelings and tie them in a knot
In a knot, in a knot
Let it take your feelings and tie them in a knot
Hang them from a cleaver and say 'Look what we've got
A man and a woman and guess what they forgot'
'To the world's greatest mum
From the oldest swinger in town'

Let love speak up itself

(Heaton/Rotheray)
I should've kept my eyes shut
But I had to go and peep
But when you saw what I saw
Well, it's hard just to roll back to sleep

I would've kept my eyes shut
But I thought I heard you scream
And I've a penchant for violence
You don't seem to find in a dream

The scene a little clearer
My father with a rope
And in the cage, centre-stage
It's mother who's destined to choke

And she choke and we choke
On the words that we wish we'd not spoke
Just when you felt you had someone to trust
Out comes the man with the dagger and cloak

I should've read the novels
Believed every word
But the stories they wrote
Were so different to ones that I'd heard

I should've kept my eyes shut
My mouth should've closed
But the mixture of vomit and blood
Just crept up through my nose

It became a little clearer
As soon as I awoke
My father stands with rope in hand
A screaming mother kneels in hope

And she hope and we hope
That me words that she said won't provoke
A smile is removed and a petal is crushed
What once was a laugh has turned into a joke

You should've kept your mouth shut

-------------
Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By PAUL HEATON, DAVE ROTHERAY
<i>Lyrics &copy; Universal Music Publishing Group</i>

I need a little time
To think it over
I need a little space
Just on my own
I need a little time
To find my freedom
I need a little...

Funny how quick the milk turns sour
Isn't it, isn't it
Your face has been looking like that for hours
Hasn't it, hasn't it
Promises, promises turn to dust
Wedding bells just turn to rust
Trust into mistrust

I need a little room
To find myself
I need a little space
To work it out
I need a little room
All alone
I need a little...

You need a little room for your big head
Don't you, don't you
You need a little space for a thousand beds
Won't you, won't you
Lips that promise - fear the worst
Tongue so sharp - the bubble burst
Just into unjust

I've had a little time
To find the truth
Now I've had a little room
To check what's wrong
I've had a little time
And I still love you
I've had a little...

You had a little time
And you had a little fun
Didn't you, didn't you
While you had yours
Do you think I had none
Do you, do you
The Freedom that you wanted bad
Is yours for good
I hope you're glad
Sad into unsad

I had a little time
To think it over
Had a little room
To work it out
I found a little courage
To call it off

I've had a little time
I've had a little time
I've had a little time
I've had a little time

(Heaton/Rotheray)
Here he comes - Mother's Pride
With the first ever satchel she bought him swinging by his side
Here he comes Mother's Pride
With a headful of 'get your laces tied' and 'woe betide'

With a year's supply of sandwiches and fairy cakes
That she provides for him to eat at dinner breaks
It's no surprise at all, at ad the friends he makes
His stomach aches
he's Mother's Pride

He's presentable, well looked after
He's domestically disastrous
He's adorable - Mother's Pride

Here he comes - Father's Pride
With a head filled up with devil dogs and genocide
Here he comes - Father's Pride
He's showing all the kids his tickets for ringside

He'll always roam the yard looking for a fight
He'll pick on all the kids who're twice his height
He's the reason dinner ladies toss and turn at night
Teacher's Blight - Father's Pride

He's the image of his Dad
Mickey Mouse meets Jack the Lad
He's never sad - Father's Pride

Here he comes Mother's Pride
Here he comes Father's Pride
Here he comes Mother's Pride
Father's Pride
His Mother's Pride

-------------
Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By PAUL HEATON, DAVE ROTHERAY
<i>Lyrics &copy; Universal Music Publishing Group</i>

(Heaton/Rotheray)
Tables turned over and curtains ripped
Bottles uncollected, collected here
Nothing seems to shine like these razor edges do
It's a crazy little world without you

I went to see a doctor and she said 'Yes, go ahead'
'Throw yourself into the sea'
I wrote a will for my friends
And this is how it read
'Me, me, me, me, me, me, me'
No friends, everything for me, me, me
No friends, just me, just me

Fleet Street was a very funny place
Home to the mad and the corrupt
What would you say if I told you today
I'd made this whole story up?

I made this whole story up

-------------
Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By PAUL HEATON, DAVE ROTHERAY
<i>Lyrics &copy; Universal Music Publishing Group</i>

She'd given everything she could give
Twenty years of kindness made her sad
Kindness never made enough to live
So she sold the very last thing that she had

As she held her hand out to him
As he drove around the block
He mouthed through the window 'just hold on'
'I've held on many years now and I haven't found a lot'
Hold on, hold on to what?

So hold on to what? Hold on to what?
Holding on is harder when it's something you've not got
I'll need a pair of stilts if I'm to ever reach the top
So hold on! Hold on to what?

Many years of service with a smile
Up shit creek and down the Rhine
Gibraltar Rock and now the Emerald Isle
He'd shined every shoe that he could shine

And as he lay in his own blood
Screaming 'I've been shot'
He heard the Major whisper 'just hold on'
'I've held on all these years now, now what medal have I got?'
Hold on, hold on to what?

So hold on to what? Hold on to what?
Holding on is harder when it's something you've not got
I'll need a pair of stilts if I'm to ever reach the top
So hold on! Hold on to what?


So hold on to what? Hold on to what?
Holding on is harder when it's something you've not got
I'll need a pair of stilts if I'm to ever reach the top
So hold on! Hold on to what?

Sixty years and he's looking his worst
Sitting in the park where she'd died
Running hands through his final hair
These are the words that he cried

To achieve the American dream
You need a trampoline
To achieve the counter effect
Get that whisky down your neck'
And hold o

Don't know what I'm doing here
I'll carry on regardless
Got enough money for one more beer
I'll carry on regardless

Good as gold, but stupid as mud
He'll carry on regardless
They'll bleed his heart 'til there's no more blood
But carry on regardless

Carry on with laugh
Carry on with cry
Carry on with brown under moonlit sky

I want my love, my joy, my laugh, my smile, my needs
Not in the star signs
Or the palm that she reads
I want my sun-drenched, wind-swept Ingrid Bergman kiss
Not in the next life
I want it in this
I want it in this

Got one note to last all week
I'll carry on regardless
The hill to happiness is far too steep
I'll carry on regardless

Dried his mouth in the Memphis sun
He carried on regardless
Tried to smile and he bit his tongue
But carry on regardless

Carry on with work
Carry on with love
Carry on with cheering
Anything above

I want my love, my joy, my laugh, my smile, my needs
Not in the star signs
Or the palm that she reads
I want my sun-drenched, wind-swept Ingrid Bergman kiss
Not in the next life
I'll have it in this
I'll have it in this

I don't want silver, I just want gold
Carry on regardless
Bronze is for the sick and the old
But carry on regardless

I want my love, my joy, my laugh, my smile, my needs
Not in the star signs
Or the palm that she reads
I want my sun-drenched, wind-swept Ingrid Bergman kiss
Not in the next life
I'll have it in this
I'll have it in this

Only buy this if you're lonely
Only listen if you're blue
If you are married and you are happy
This song is not to do with you

If you're listening at your work place
Feeling small amongst the men
Do not sing this to your workmates
This song is not to do with them

But if you're sitting on a barstool
Wondering what on earth to do
Don't let them tell you no-one cares
This songs one especially for you

If you are listening on your radio
Smiling while you drive along
Tune the band into another
Because this song is not your song

If you're working as a DJ
Leave this record in it's sleeve
Cause this ones not for general airplay
This song's for the day she leaves

If you've bought this and you're sinking
And I think that you know who
It matters not the mouth thats singing
This song's one especially for you

So this goes out to the lonely
So this goes out to the sad
And it goes out to the only
One you felt you ever had

If you're there in total darkness
With a letter in your hand
Do not bother with the letter
lust listen to the band

So only buy this if you're lonely

Everybody's talkin' at me.
I can't hear a word they're sayin',
Only the echoes of my mind.

People stoppin' starin'
I can't see their faces,
Only the shadows of their eyes.

I'm goin' where the sun keeps shinin'
Thru the pourin' rain,
Goin' where the weather suits my clothes.

Bankin' off the northeast wind,
Sailin' on a summer breeze,
Trippin' over the ocean like a stone.

Woh Woh Woh

I'm goin' where the sun keeps shinin'
Thru the pourin' rain,
Goin' where the weather suits my clothes.

Bankin' off the northeast wind,
Sailin' on a summer breeze,
Trippin' over the ocean like a stone. (Like A Stone)

Everybody's talkin' at me.

Woh Woh Woh

Line One is the time
That you, you first stayed over at mine
And we drank our first bottle of wine
And we cried

Line Two we're away
And we both, we both had nowhere to stay
Well the bus-shelter's always OK
When you're young

Now you're older and I look at your face
Every wrinkle is so easy to place
And I only write them down just in case
That you die

Let's take a look at these crows feet, just look
Sitting on the prettiest eyes
Sixty 25th of Decembers
Fifty-nine 4th of Julys
Not through the age or the failure, children
Not through the hate or despise
Take a good look at these crows feet
Sitting on the prettiest eyes

Line Three I forget
But I think, I think it was our first ever bet
And the horse we backed was short of a leg
Never mind

Line Four in a park
And the things, the things that people do in the dark
I could hear the faintest beat of your heart
Then we did

Now you're older and I look at your face
Every wrinkle is so easy to place
And I only write them down just in case
You should die

Lets take a look at these crows feet, just look
Sitting on the prettiest eyes
Sixty 25th of Decembers
Fifty-nine 4th of Julys
You can't have too many good times, children
You can't have too many lines
Take a good look at these crows feet
Sitting on the prettiest eyes

Well my eyes look like a map of the town
And my teeth are either yellow or they're brown
But you'll never hear the crack of a frown
When you are here
You'll never hear the crack
Of a frown

The sheets won't need changing everyday
The freezer supply should last a year
Those hidden little points that you're away
Nothing much has changed since you were here

Our paths will cross some day
Our paths will cross some day
While you're out jogging and I'm sat snogging
Some fool on a lakeside bench

And when she calls I hope it's you that dials
I hope it's you that feels this love inside
And when I touch her I hope it's you that smiles
And when I die I hope it's you I'm beside
To die with her would be a worthless lie
To die with her would be a worthless die
To die together would be worth a try
To die together would be worth a try

The family pack seems larger than it should
Two for one's no good when there's just one
I'd raise a bigger smile if I could
But me minus you equals none

Our paths will cross some day
Our paths will cross some day
When you're out fishing and I'm sat wishing

You instead of him
Our paths will cross some day
Our patbs will cross some day
When you're out exercising and I'm there prising
The pants of I my latest sin

And when we kiss she knows it's you I kiss
'Cause when we kiss I always start to cry
You just can't cover up these lying lips
When I die I hope it's you I'm beside
To die with her would be a worthless lie
To die with her would be a worthless die
To die together would be worth a try
To die together would be worth a try

An ambulance flashed past me in the street
Just yards from where we were to meet
I was half hoping you were dead meat
That it was you that was under the sheet

And as you lay there alone in the ward
Fumbling for the keys to death's door
At least I'd have summoned up the nerve
To whisper you these words

Finally! Quietly! Actually!
I love you

Vagabonds don't fall in love
They just wheel and they deal
So if I turn a funny colour when you kiss me
I can't help the way that I feel

Hooligans don't fall in love
They just break up others lives
So when I come to you on bended knee
Don't forget my twenty other wives

So why?
Turn to a life of violence and crime?
So why?
Why do you cheat and why do you lie?

Because there's always someone with a bigger car
There's always someone with a bigger cigar
If you've been far
There's someone who's been further than your far
When you make your cart, you get to the start
There's always someone in a faster cart
There's always someone in a faster cart
There's always someone in a faster cart

Gangsters don't fall in love
They just roam from town to town
So when we kiss and we hold and we whisper
Please don't ever write it down

Hooligans don't fall in love
They just lie and they drink
So if you say I won't say 'I will'
Then I won't I think!

So why?
Turn to a life of violence and crime?
So why?
Why do you cheat and why do you lie?

Because there's always someone with a bigger car
There's always someone with a bigger cigar
If you've been far
There's always someone who's been further than your far
At last you're straight and you make a new start
There's always someone with a better heart
There's always someone with a better heart
There's always someone with a better heart

But all in all we're not so bad
We never take from our own kind
Bad's quite good w

Hey church I was thinking
The Third World seems to be sinking
Can't you all get over there
And we'll have them all over here

And you can learn to catch your own food
And you can learn to build your own hut
And we'll make up the usual excuse
To keep them in the pubs till they're shut

Hey skin, I just thought
The doctrine Hitler has taught
Is still kicking off in the States
Can't you go and join with your mates

Join up with the clueless clan
Dress up in a bag and a skirt
End up looking like a jed
Meanwhile we'll have gone mad

And the hidden jukebox plays us a song
For each and everyone
For black, white, straight and the gay
Celebrate you being away

Hey Turk I was thinking
OK so l may have been drinking
You can come drink over here
And we'll fuck them off over there

Whisky for the Greek and the Turk
Gin for the Arab and the Jew
A double arsenic for Mister Le Pen
Cause it's him who soils Europe and not you

And the hidden jukebox plays us a song
Everyone should sing along
With a message that'll ring and ring
These are the words that we sing

She'd given everything she could give
Twenty years of kindness made her sad
Kindness never made enough to live
So she sold the very last thing that she had

As she held her hand out to him
As he drove around the block
He mouthed through the window 'just hold on'
'I've held on many years now and I haven't found a lot'
Hold on, hold on to what?

So hold on to what? Hold on to what?
Holding on is harder when it's something you've not got
I'll need a pair of stilts if I'm to ever reach the top
So hold on! Hold on to what?

Many years of service with a smile
Up shit creek and down the Rhine
Gibraltar Rock and now the Emerald Isle
He'd shined every shoe that he could shine

And as he lay in his own blood
Screaming 'I've been shot'
He heard the Major whisper 'just hold on'
'I've held on all these years now, now what medal have I got?'
Hold on, hold on to what?

So hold on to what? Hold on to what?
Holding on is harder when it's something you've not got
I'll need a pair of stilts if I'm to ever reach the top
So hold on! Hold on to what?


So hold on to what? Hold on to what?
Holding on is harder when it's something you've not got
I'll need a pair of stilts if I'm to ever reach the top
So hold on! Hold on to what?

Sixty years and he's looking his worst
Sitting in the park where she'd died
Running hands through his final hair
These are the words that he cried

To achieve the American dream
You need a trampoline
To achieve the counter effect
Get that whisky down your neck'

Sadness has filled a lonely place
Before that there was just a hole
At least now there's sadness on my face
My lower lip has finally found it's role

So the wind and the rain and the snow
Had no particular place to go
So they thought they'd come and spend some time with me
They're better friends than you could ever be

Chorus:
There's a tattoo, a small tattoo
Waiting there unpaid for you
And if you ever bump into Unlucky
Don't forget who broke your heart in two
You better get there early, there's a million in the queue
Just waiting for the name on their tattoo

Emptiness has filled a vacant heart
Finally found a place for it to hide
And as I wander like a fool from bar to bar
Empty has become my greatest guide

And the tears and the pain and the despise
Looked at me through bankrupt eyes
They had nowhere else that they could land
So I invited them to take my bloody hand

Chorus:
So queuing for a tattoo and I can't decide the name
I've been wondering night after night
When they put that needle in me I'll scream your name in pain
And I hope he spells 'you bastard' right

B-A-S-T-A-R-D, stick that needle deep in me

They say always use a condom, I say always use a whip
They say be careful where you come at night, I just shoot straight from the hip
When it comes to loves great fountain, I won't just take a sip
I'll swallow and I'll gulp until the fountain makes me sick

So it's me left with the baby and disease
You can't say you didn't want it on your hands and on your knees
You made me feel so special
Well you were especially good
I'm sorry that you misunderstood

These neatly folded corduroys hide rubber underneath
But the only rubber you have worn is that useless rubber sheath
I won't have what I've got for you stolen by no thief
'Cause the safest sex I've ever had was hanging from a tree

So you've left me for another pretty face
That's not true I left you for one half the human race
Now I'm by myself
A woman who knows her place
It's not so much the chase, it's the race

They say treat her like a lady and she'll treat you like her jewels
They say cruel to be kind, I just say cruel to be cruel
They say only marry once, I say only marry fools
They wouldn't have made the cane if you weren't meant to break the rules

Have you told them that you'll hurt them then be gone?
I've told them that I'll hurt them if that really turns them on
You left a bitter scar
I tied those ropes too tight!
I'll tie them loose for you tonight

When I told you that I loved you
I meant mini-correct
When I said I'd never leave you
I meant mini-correct
A ring around your finger, a chain around your neck
That was major correct

'I fought hard in the Second World War'
You hear them shout
No good bragging about the Afrika Korps
It was Beadle's About

They dressed you up and took you off to World War One
Armed you and surrounded you with wire
Sat in stinking mud you sung your stupid songs
And waited till they told you when to fire

Cause the rulers always laugh
At a video bloodbath
Nothing makes them laugh
Like a video bloodbath

From the First World War to the Yom-Kippur
It was Beadle's About
The bayonets slice, the rockets roar
And he jumps out

Fond memories of the bloody bridge you failed to hold
Many of your buddies killed or maimed
You would've shot at rabbits if that's what you'd been told
Till the General said 'I'm sorry you've been framed'

Cause the rulers always laugh
At a video bloodbath
And nothing gets a laugh
Like a video bloodbath

Chorus:
Keep those entries coming
Leave those cameras running
Keep those entrails coming
Leave those soldiers gunning
Because you're sure to get a laugh
With a video bloodbath
Nothing gets a laugh
Like a video bloodbath

Here's a wacky video we got last week
A bomb catches Arthur unawares
He's lost both his arms and he can't see or speak
But thank you for the memory you shared

Cause the rulers always laugh
At a video bloodbath
And nothing gets a laugh
Like a video bloodbath

Chorus

(Heaton/Rotheray)
Think of you with pipe and slippers
Think of her in bed
Laying there just watching telly
Then think of me instead

I'll never grow so old and flabby
That could never be
Don't marry her, fuck me

And your love light shines like cardboard
But your work shoes are glistening
She's a PhD in "I told you so"
You've a knighthood in "I'm not listening"

She'll grab your sweaty bollocks
Then slowly raise her knee
Don't marry her, fuck me

And the Sunday sun shines down on San Francisco bay
And you realise you can't make it anyway
You have to wash the car
Take the kiddies to the park
Don't marry her, fuck me

Those lovely Sunday mornings
With breakfast brought in bed
Those blackbirds look like knitting needles
Trying to peck your head

Those birds will peck your soul out
And throw away the key
Don't marry her, fuck me

And the kitchen's always tidy
And the bathroom's always clean
She's a diploma in "just hiding things"
You've a first in "low esteem"

When your socks smell of angels
But your life smells of Brie
Don't marry her, fuck me

And the Sunday sun shines down on San Francisco bay
And you realise you can't make it anyway
You have to wash the car
Take the kiddies to the park
Don't marry her, fuck me

And the Sunday sun shines down on San Francisco bay
And you realise you can't make it anyway
You have to wash the car
Take the kiddies to the park
Don't marry her, fuck me

(Heaton/Rotheray)
You can't write a novel from a briefcase
You can write a poem from a trench
You can dream a dream from A to B
But you can't catch a bus from a bench

You don't back a horse called Striding Snail
You don't name your boat Titanic II
So why when I see your happy smiling face
Do I always end up singing Little Blue

Little Blue, how do you do
Your smile looks like heaven
but your eyes hold a storm about to brew
Little Blue
How can a flower so pretty
be so laden down with dew
Little Blue

How can a flower so pretty
be so laden down with dew
Little Blue

You can't build a brewery on a cemetery
You can build a pub on a church
And people fall quicker than buildings do
You have to decide what comes first

You don't call a plane the Flying Roman
'Cause the Romans always walked and never flew
So why when I see your happy smiling face
Do I always end up singing Little Blue

Little Blue, how do you do
Your smile looks like heaven
but your eyes hold a storm about to brew
Little Blue
How can a flower so pretty
be so laden down with dew
Little Blue

Well Bukowski wrote a story from a barstool
And Keats from the top of a hill
So I'm going to save my special song for you
From a grave where it's quiet and it's chill

'Cause there's a queue of clouds assembled
On the horizon of your smile
When most think that you're holding back
I know you're holding bile

Little Blue, how do you do
Your smile looks like heaven
but your eyes hold a storm about to brew
Little Blue
How can a flower so pretty
be so laden down with dew
Little Blue

How can a flower so pretty
be so laden down with dew
Little Blue

(Heaton/Rotheray)
They could be fat or could be thin
They could be black, they could be white
Tell me who's knocking at the knocking shop door tonight

Not much a girl can do but open or close
Those things are above doors
Not much legs can do but open or close
Those things are above us whores

So imagine a mirror
Bigger than the room it was placed in
Imagine my wish for a future that cannot hold my wish
Imagine the want to hold a rod that cannot hold the fish
Imagine a rod that cannot hold the fish

They could be lonely or could be bust
They could be tack, they could be real
They do have feelings, but just right now I feel

A feminine receptacle, that's just what I am
Those things are above us whores
Just the best target practice, for a misguided man
Those things are above us whores

So imagine a mirror
Bigger than the room it was placed in
Imagine my wish for a future that cannot hold my wish
Imagine the want to hold a rod that cannot hold the fish
Imagine a rod that cannot hold the fish

(Heaton/Rotheray)
Eyes to take you dancing
mouth to leave your wife
Legs to run away with
and you wonder why?

Heart that makes you bypass
every other girl
Smile that keeps you grinning
at the madness of this world

But like the blackbird on the wire
I will not take the prey on you
You wouldn't want me to
For I am too soft for such a thing
And like the blackbird on the wire
I just watch you by
The tears I knew I'd cry
Fall unnoticed down below

Front to make you happy
back to make you weep
Lips to keep you kissing
whilst everyone's asleep

Tears to break a backbone
laughs to win a war
And people come and ask me
what I love you for

But like the blackbird on the wire
I will not take the prey on you
You wouldn't want me to
For I am too soft for such a thing
And like the blackbird on the wire
I just watch you by
The tears I knew I'd cry
Fall unnoticed down below

And with a tongue built from quicksilver
and a character of steel
They actually come and ask me
How I feel

But like the blackbird on the wire
I will not take the prey on you
You wouldn't want me to
For I am too soft for such a thing
And like the blackbird on the wire
I just watch you by
The tears I knew I'd cry
Fall unnoticed down below

(Heaton/Rotheray)
Ginger Elvis Presley looked a fraction sad
Roaming the whole town from bin to bin
Well living on the streets wasn't all that bad
Where no-one seemed to know that he was King

The sound of New York City
isn't police sirens wailing
It's the sound of Wall Street tills
whilst everyone is failing

Sometimes you feel expensive
sometimes you feels so cheap
You can roam the streets a King
whilst everyone's asleep
You can mime to any record
with a hairbrush or a spoon
But God help the singer out of tune

A crippled Mohammad Ali
looked at bad luck in the mirror
Bad luck looked back at him and sighed
He looked a good foot smaller
and a couple of stone thinner
And if anyone came toward him
he would hide

The sound of North America
isn't Christians quietly praying
It's the sound of shuffling feet
that don't know where they're going

Sometimes you feel expensive
sometimes you feels so cheap
You can roam the streets a King
whilst everyone's asleep
You can fight with anybody
with a glimmer of a chance
But God help the boxer with no hands

A homeless Greta Garbo
moves across the street
The moonlight shining clearly
through her skirt
A real life living legend
that no-one wants to meet
And that's when being Garbo
really hurts

The lyrics of "New York"
may have Frank Sinatra singing
But the rhythm and the melody
were dead black men swinging

Sometimes you feel expensive
sometimes you feels so cheap
You can roam the streets a Queen
whilst everyone's asleep
You can act with anybody
from the cradle to the crypt
But God help the actress
who doesn't know the script

(Heaton/Rotheray)
Have fun
And if you can't have fun
Have someone else's fun
'Cause someone sure had mine
They came in
now they're having a whale of a time

You should grow a beard
A beard to tell a thousand stories never told before
A beard to tell you tales, whilst the fireplace roars
The closing of relationships and the opening of doors
The starting of hostilities and the ending of wars

Take care
And if you couldn't care
Take someone else's care
'Cause someone took my care
They went there and then they were not there

We should have a baby
And then I wouldn't feel quite so sad
Then I'd feel like Paul the Saint and not Jack the Lad
A baby that'll make me feel so very glad
I've had a life of booze, but that's all I've ever had

'Cause I'm the King of Misery
The Prince of the torn apart
And you're the lighthouse keeper
To the owner of a ship-wrecked heart

Take heart
And if you can't take heart
Take someone else's heart
Someone took my heart
They came in, now I'm torn apart

We should grey together
Not that pigeon-chested Trafalgar grey
The grey that greets you on that first October day
The grey of Russian front, whilst wolves bay
And the skeleton of life that love decays

'Cause you're the Queen of Sadness
The Princess of the House of Pain
And you're the final match
To the holder of this flickering flame

(Heaton/Rotheray)
Well sitting in a bar alone
where no-one knows your name
is like laying in a graveyard
wide awake
You're scared that if you cough or yawn
you might wake up the dead
So pretend to read a paper
or just drink instead

I'm a stand-up comedian
but I'd sit down if I could
The world just seems
to want folk like me to stand
And the punch-lines seem to disappear
like clouds across the sky
And the laughter could be real
or could be canned

Rum by the kettle drum
Whiskey by the jar
At Liar's Bar

Well living with a lying man
could never really hurt
But living with a drunk
well no-one deserves
And you're looking for your husband
you're not sure he's still alive
Don't bother with the cemetery
he'll be down at liar's dive

I'm a travelling businessman
I just stopped in for one drink
You'll find
that I'm not like the other men
Their noses are red
whilst mine is only pink
And they didn't choose their drink
their drink chose them

Rum by the kettle drum
Whiskey by the jar
At Liar's Bar

And the grave-digger's smiling
at his reflection in his spade
He's visiting the seediest
the shallowest of graves
The vocal chords of elephants
and the characters of mice
They're singing "whisky, whisky"
so good they named it twice

Well don't pass buildings with lights on
if I said that I did I'd have lied
'Cause what looks like a Chinese restaurant
may have Chinese New Year inside
And son all my life I've been searching
the bars I've been in I forget
The lights outside ever brighter
but a light on the inside not yet

Rum by the kettle drum
Whiskey by the jar
At Liar's Bar

And he's a world-wide traveller
he's not like me or you
But he comes in mighty regular
for one who's passing through
That one came in his work clothes
he's missed his last bus home
He's missed a hell of a lot of buses
for a man who wants to roam

If I look rough I am rough
If I look sad I am
If I look broke I am broke
Just a broke down piece of man

I've turned over enough leaves
to fill an autumn
and if I had one final wish
I'd be your slave for a decade
if you could take me away from this
If you took me away from this
I'd be different you'd see
'Cause I didn't choose the drink
a drink just chose me

Rum by the kettle drum
Whiskey by the jar
At Liar's Bar

Well I'm smoking like a chimney
And I'm drinking like a fish
At Liar's Bar

(Heaton/Rotheray)
And the women tug their hair
Like they're trying to prove it won't fall out
And all the men are gargoyles
Dipped long in Irish stout

The whole place is pickled
The people are pickles for sure
And no-one knows if they've done more here
Than they ever would do in a jar

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone
Anywhere alone

And everyone is blonde
And everyone is beautiful
and when blondes and beautiful are multiple
they become so dull and dutiful

And when faced with dull and dutiful
They fire red warning flares
Battle-Khaki personality
With red underwear

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone
Anywhere alone

The whole place is pickled
The people are pickles for sure
And no-one knows if they've done more here
Than they ever would do in a jar

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone

(Heaton/Rotheray)
Build your dream castle out of sand
It's bound to get washed up anyway
Dream your dreams out of last week
They're bound to have come up yesterday

If you want to give them flowers
Make them paper ones you send
Live your life a jigsaw
It goes back in the box, in the end
Build your dream heart from plasticine
'Cause you're putty in their hands
Mould your ambition in concrete
'Cause you'll only land in quicksand

Carve your dough from play-dough
'Cause they'll roll you into a ball
Make your friends from Lego
'Cause Lego makes a wall

'Cause when you build big houses
The paintings get stolen
The devil says he's silver
When you know that he is golden
When papier m?h?heads make more sense
than the sun
Giving teacher apples could be fun or dumb

Build your planes from Airfix
'Cause you'll only lose the war
Write your love letters on rice paper
At least you'll feed the poor

Build your dream castle out of sand
It's bound to get washed up anyway
Dream your dreams out of last week
They're bound to have come up yesterday

(Harnick/Bock)
Alone in the world was poor little Anne
As sweet a young child as you'd find
Her parents had gone to their final reward
Leaving their baby behind

Did you hear this poor little child
was only nine years of age
When mother and dad went away
Still she bravely worked
at the one thing she knew
To earn a few pennies a day

She made artificial flowers, artificial flowers
Flowers for ladies of fashion to wear
She made artificial flowers, artificial flowers
Fashioned from Annie's despair

With papers and shears, with wire and wax
She made up each tulip and mum
As snow flakes drifted in to her tenement room
Her baby little fingers grew numb

>From artificial flowers, those artificial flowers
Flowers for ladies of high fashion to wear
She made artificial flowers, artificial flowers
Made from Annie's despair

And they found little Annie all covered with ice
Still clutching her poor frozen shears
Amidst all the blossoms, she had fashioned by hand
And watered with all her young tears

There must be a Heaven where little Annie can play
In heavenly gardens and bowers
And instead of halo, she'll wear round her head
A garland of genuine flowers

No more artificial flowers, artificial flowers
Flowers for ladies of society to wear
Those artificial flowers, artificial flowers
Fashioned from Annie's
Fashioned from Annie's despair

(Heaton/Rotheray)
Like the toupee on a fading fame
The final whistle in a losing game
Thick lipstick on a five year old girl
It makes you think it's a plastic world

A plastic world and we're all plastic too
Just a couple of different faces in a dead man's queue
The world is turning Disney and there's nothing you can do
You're trying to walk like giants
but you're wearing Pluto's shoes

And the answers fall easier from the barrel of a gun
Than it does from the lips of the beautiful and the dumb
The world won't end in darkness, it'll end in family fun
With Coca Cola clouds behind a Big Mac sun

A howling scream in a church asleep
Rusty bicycle in an ocean deep
Like an ear-ring on the newly born
Strong perfume on a winter's morn

The world is perfumed and we're perfumed as well
Petals from a flower that blossomed in hell
And you can't breathe the air through the thickness of the smell
And you can't see the hair through the grease of the gel

And the answers fall easier from the barrel of a gun
Than it does from the lips of the beautiful and the dumb
The world won't end in darkness, it'll end in family fun
With Coca Cola clouds behind a Big Mac sun

You say there's only one God, you could do with two or three
Your Jesus Christ is hired out, like the slag of Galilee
Well if Peter is a prostitute, then what does that make me

There's only one God
There should be two or three
One God
There should be two or three
One God
There should be two or three
Two or three

(Heaton/Rotheray)
Like the contents of your handbag
You don't know why it's there
People ask you where you're heading
You just answer "anywhere"

We don't mean to be this vague
It just happens that we are
No-one asked us to elaborate
We just shrug our shoulders and be

And like the stories that just happened
No-one thought of, no-one planned
We could have ruled, we could have conquered
Then we could have been a man

We could be ex-husband
We could be ex-wife
But no-one looks at the menu in a greasy spoon life

Alone, alone
Half an hour is seven hours
One day is several months
Alone, alone
A month is a calendar
A year can be a decade spent
Alone

He knows "hello" in eighteen languages
"I love you" in only one
By the time he's got his phrase-book
The chance is usually gone

And we feel ourselves quite prepared
But quite prepared for what
We always took the lead
Before we actually knew the plot

And you can tell where we've been shopping
By the bags beneath our eyes
Make-up shoulders burden
But the smile never lies

We could be ex-husband
We could be ex-wife
But no-one looks at the menu in a greasy spoon life

Alone, alone
Half an hour is seven hours
One day is several months
Alone, alone
A month is a calendar
A year can be a decade spent
Alone

So empty at the airport
You don't set off the doors
We used to feel like chorus girls
And now we feel like whores

Hearts built like reservoirs
Words built like dams
Thoughts built like juggernauts
Our actions built like prams

And when the wind blows into our face
We should be warmer and not colder
Well, what price the charges
On this cargo that we shoulder

We could be ex-husband
We could be ex-wife
But no-one looks at the menu in a greasy spoon life

Alone, alone
Half an hour is seven hours
One day is several months
Alone, alone
A month is a calendar
A year can be a decade spent
Alone

And we only smoke when bored
So we do two packs a day
And we've lost the difference
Between bored and lonely anyway

I set out to wander
Up lonely man street
Where faith and devotion,
I would hopefully meet
I went there with nothing
Packed as light as I could
And you begged me to stay,
Though you knew,
Baby I'm no good
I'll love you forever
You'll stay in my heart
But all that I wanted
Was doomed from the start
I thought you could save me
Well if anyone could
But I knew that you knew all along
Baby I'm no good
Not once was I faithful,
I cheated and lied
I know that you loved me
But my hands, they were tied
I followed the voices
Like a weak man should
And I guess they were right about me,
Baby I'm no good
In the end when I've fallen
Face down in the rain
And you come back to ask me
What I lost, what I gained
I'd probably answer
I did all that I could
But it wasn't that much I'm afraid,
Baby I'm no good
No it wasn't that much I'm afraid
Baby I'm no good

> When you called me a useless druggie
At least you got half of it right
When you called me a hopeless alcoholic
I'm only hopeless after nine at night
And when I said you came staggering home blind drunk
If I didn't you'd get terrible fright
And if this is the land of hope and glory
Where's the land of hope but not quite
I've been scruff bag, dirt bag, always someones binbag
But never been bono or sting
However I dressed never really impressed
So they never got to hear a damn thing
I've been bad man sad man certified mad
But never 007 or saint
Trendsetter go getter international jet setter
Are just a few things that I ain't
The time you told class I was a half wit
Was my very first 50 %
Previous best in any other test
Was either stolen copied or lent
And when you branded me and every single one of my mates
A waste of time and effort to teach
Why d'you give us sums if our only hope was bums
On someone else's deckchair and beach
I've been smart arse, mardy arse, on and off a lard arse
But never been a legend to god
New thing dumb thing even last year's thing
Headbang? - not even a nod!
I've been left-wing, secure-wing, lost stripes, gained winged
We've never caused a lady to faint
Wideboy, ladyboy, read it in the paper boy
A few things they said that I ain't
When popularity soared, hometown and abroad
I spent most of it trying to breathe in
Always ill at ease, too willing to please
An inferior life's bargain bin
When you come from a background of bargain bins
You're bound to fear it ends where it begins
So when nation adored we felt more of a fraud
And too phoney to celebrate wins
I've been scruffbag, dirtbag, always someones binbag
But never been Bono or Sting
However I dressed never really impressed
So they never got to hear a damn thing
I've been badman, sadman, certified mad
But never 007 or Saint
Trend-setter, go-getter, international jet-setter
Are just a few things that I ain't

Imagine sailing solo around the world
Only to find you've missed a continent out
And as your happy turns choppy and tidal wave swirls
You're wondering why there's no one about

At least Captain Scott actually stood on the spot
Where he planned to put up Union Jack
And though Captain Cook cursed the map that he took
He got near enough for native's attack

That's how it feels trying to navigate you
Even with compass and infinite time
And just when I think I've found some part that's new
I find a flag already up that's not mine

Circling you is journey minus view
Exploration without reason or reward
'Cause when I get near, you use an arrow or spear
To prevent my heart ever being shored

The earth ain't flat but it's a simple doormat
Compared to your unclimbable self
The desolate terrain, you have to cross to your brain
Just one of your slippery shelves

That's how it feels trying to navigate you
Even with compass and infinite time
And just when I think I've found some part that's new
I find a flag already up that's not mine

And if I ever get close, I'll need a banner or post
To hang it from, first there or not
So voyage may uncover a sister or brother
And a friendship that Colombus forgot

When was the last time you felt so happy
You had to give yourself a good pinch
When did you ever fail one of life's highs
Without using stepladder or winch

That's why the lifeless crave the past
'Cause when they're flogged, stoned, lynched
They can watch the living fizzle out to naught
Without even moving one inch

That's what keeps you alive
The thought of undeserved death
That's why cynics deep-sea dive
Just to watch someone healthy lose breath

That's what really makes you tick
When the fearless are stopped in their tracks
Optimism looks up counts the stars
Pessimism looks down and counts cracks

The Monday morning moaners club
That meet every week on park bench
At least they've earned their grumble stripes
When they fought tooth and nail in the trench

If you ever sat down in one place too long
They'd need a fork-lift truck and a wrench
Indecision drip feeds modesty
But apathy fails even to quench

That's what keeps you alive
The thought of undeserved death
That's why cynics deep-sea dive
Just to watch someone healthy lose breath

That's what really makes you tick
When the fearless are stopped in their tracks
Optimism looks up counts the stars
Pessimism looks down and counts cracks

And even when it's every man for himself
You still like to stick with the bunch
You'd rather tag along at the back of the crowd
To risk anything on a hunch

That's what keeps you alive
The thought of undeserved death
That's why cynics deep-sea dive
Just to watch someone healthy lose breath

That's what really makes you tick
When the fearless are stopped in their tracks
Optimism looks up counts the stars
Pessimism looks down and counts cracks

That's what keeps you alive

Head over heels is fine
Unless you're in stilettos
Love knows no boundaries
Unless your in one of love's ghettos

Love climb every mountain high
But some of us are stuck in a cell
All you need is love, love, love
And a bloody good tunnel as well

You could get here by aeroplane or boat
Not unreasonable demands
But I could save myself the price of a ticket
If I didn't let go of your hands

Never mind killing me getting there
But somebody has to make plans
First embrace shoots you into space
And doesn't give a damn where it lands

Why not take a chance on love?
Even at hundred to one
If we promise that we'll never let love die
Within a week one of us'll be gone

Love sure makes the world go round
And takes you for a hell of a ride
But I don't wanna waste time searching for love
When it's already stood at my side

Love will make you blind to the truth
Romantic novels all tell
So I'll spend a little time romancing by myself
But that turned me blind as well

You can get here by crossing sea or desert
I can barely make Blackpool Sands
Railroad, caravan, save it for the mad man
Lets see if love just stands

Never mind killing me getting there
But somebody has to make plans
First embrace shoots you into space
And doesn't give a damn where it lands

Why not take a chance on love?
Even at a hundred to one
If we promise that we'll never let love die
Then within a week one of us'll be gone

Does the length of journey your heart makes
Really provide any proof?
All it really proves is love never moves
When it's right there under your roof

My heart is in the right place
Then what's the point in making that trip
Stay right here with your hand on my heart
See how often you cause it to skip

See how often you cause it to skip
See how often you cause it to skip

The super fly guy that you're courtin' now
Used to be a super-swot
And the clothes he thinks look retro
Are more 'Land That Time Forgot'

And if he knows where he was standin'
When J.F.K was shot
Chances are though time's passed him by
He's still standing within yards of that spot

So if your hangover feels like the dart board
Whilst the Christians hit bulls-eye
And paranoia that self-employer
Is following in heavy disguise

Off goes intelligence to join high tide
To drift with all the things we let go
Only tidal wave could possibly save
All we let go with the flow

Let go with the flow
Books we may have written, we don't know
Let go with the flow
Some enchanted city we won't go

He who used to float like a butterfly once
Is floatin' like a glorious moth
And the fly girls you hung around with then
Are lucky if they even take off

Dresses and skirts you thought were in
Everyone a dust-rag or dishcloth
Like every flat beer that they serve around here
We all start life as fabulous froth

So why do you work yourself that hard
When you don't even like the job?
Why do you hate the small-time thief
When it's your own time, you'll always rob?

Off goes intelligence to join high tide
To drift with all the things we let go
Only tidal wave could possibly save
All we let go with the flow

Let go with the flow
Books we may have written, we don't know
Let go with the flow
Some enchanted city we won't go

Let go with the flow
Books we may have written, we don't know
Let go with the flow
Some enchanted city we won't go

Woman goes to heaven, it's not important when
'Cause as soon as she arrives God has to send her down again
"You've got an extra five years to clean up after men"
"I mean no disrespect God, but you better make it ten"

Well if heaven's an improvement I won't mind the extra squeeze
I've got a few more birds down there, after losing bees
Trying to lose their bees

So don't be shocked who queue-jumps
Or who just calmly waits
A certain type of behavior
The guest list just creates

No time for lively discussion
No time for televised debates
The well-meaning soon become well meant
It's the hard sell or hell at the gates, the gates

Alcoholic finds himself outside the pearly gates
I've only got one worry God, a few outstanding slates
Any tab you used to have been passed to so called mates
And after they've paid-up they're off to the land of empty crates

Heaven is a glass, neither half empty nor half full
So do us all a favor God and give that thing a pull
Give that thing a pull

So don't be shocked who queue-jumps
Or who just calmly waits
A certain type of behavior
The guest list just creates

No time for lively discussion
No time for televised debates
The well-meaning soon become the well meant
It's the hard sell or hell at the gates, the gates

Model turns up hours late, he had to get it right
If you're gonna look cool in heaven wear something more than white
Vanity's close to arrogance, just slightly more polite
Fashion show a jumble sale at a slightly different height
At a slightly different height

So don't be shocked who queue-jumps
Or who just calmly waits
A certain type of behavior
The guest list just creates

No time for lively discussion
No time for televised debates
The well-meaning soon become the well meant
It's the hard sell or hell at the gates, the gates
The gates, the gates

Why forbidden fruit
Always looks so sweet
Hanging down like devil's food
From highest branch on tree

Yes, woman should be satisfied
Be happy with her lot
But sometimes half of him
Seems better than the whole I've got
Yes, sometimes half of hell right here
Is better than a heaven forgot

Yeild not to temptation
Is only good advice
If true love happens just the once
And never ever twice

Yes, woman should be satisfied
Be happy with her lot
But sometimes half of him
Seems better than the whole I've got
Yes, sometimes half of hell right here
Seems better than a heaven forgot

We were happy with happily ever after
But only if the plot
Had bad guys we could boo and hiss
And good guys we could not

We probably feel that second best
Could actually be much worse
But you're kind of drawn to chocolate
When you've tasted wafer first
Yes, you're kind of drawn to chocolate
When you've tasted wafer first

Hunt me down like your other prey
Let your claws take hold
If what I've chosen's truly gray
Make tiger black and gold

Yes, woman should be satisfied
Be happy with her lot
But sometimes half of him
Seems better than the whole I've got
Yes, sometimes half of hell right here
Is better than a heaven forgot

We were happy with happily ever after
But only if the plot
Had bad guys we could boo and hiss
And good guys we could not

We probably feel that second best
Could actually be much worse
But you're kinda drawn to chocolate
When you've tasted wafer first
Yes, you're kinda drawn to chocolate
When you've tasted wafer first

'I can't get no satisfaction'
So sang all the guys
The biggest single breeding ground
For a girls, 'I will survive'

We'll be happy with happily ever after
But only when the song
Admits 'can't get no satisfaction'
Wasn't all our wrong

We probably feel that second best
Could actually be much worse
But you're kind of put off wafer
When you've tasted chocolate first
Yes, you're kinda put off wafer
When you've tasted chocolate first

Why forbidden fruit always looks so sweet?

I love you from the bottom, of my pencil case
I love you in the songs, I write and sing

Love you because, you put me in my rightful place
And I love the PRS cheques, that you bring

Cheap, never cheap
I'll sing you songs till you're asleep
When you've gone upstairs I'll creep
And write it all down

Oh Shirley, Oh Deborah, Oh Julie, Oh Jane
I wrote so many songs about you
I forget your name (I forget your name)
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel, too
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel, too
I forget your name

I love your from the bottom of my pencil case
I love the way you never ask me why
I love to write about each wrinkle on your face
And I love you till my fountain pen runs dry

Deep so deep, the number one I hope to reap
Depends upon the tears you weep, so cry, lovey cry, cry, cry, cry

Oh Cathy, Oh Alison, Oh Phillipa, Oh Sue
You made me so much money, I wrote this song for you
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel, too
I wrote this song for you

So let me talk about Mary, a sad story
Turned her grief into glory
Late at night, by the typewriter light,
She ripped his ribbon to shreds

He was just a social drinker but social every night
He enjoyed a pint or two or three or four
She was just a silent thinker, silent every night
He'd enjoy the thought of killing her before

Well he was very rarely drunk but very rarely sober
And he didn't think the problem was his drink
But he only knew his problem when he knocked her over
And when the rotting flesh began to stink

Cry freedom for the woman in the wall
Cry freedom for she has no voice at all
I hear her cry all day, all night
I hear her voice from deep within the wall
Made a cross from knitting needles
Made a grave from koover bags
Especially for the woman in the wall

She'd knitted him a jumper with dominoes on
So he wore it everyday in every week
Pretended to himself that she hadn't really gone
Pretended that he thought he beard her speak

Then at last it seemed that he was really winning
He felt that he had some sort of grip
But all of his new life was sent a-spinning
When the rotting wall began to drip

If, if you choose that we will always lose
Well then I'll sail this ship alone
And if, if you decide to give him another try
Well then I'll sail this ship alone

Well they said if I wrote the perfect love song
You would take me back
Well I wrote it but I lost it
And now will you take me back anyway

Now if, if you insist that this is for the best
Well then I'll sail this ship alone
And if, if you swear that you no longer care
Well then I'll sail this ship alone

I'll sail this ship alone
Between the pain and the pleasure
I'll sail this ship alone
Amongst the sharks and the treasure
If you would rather go your way then go your way
I'll sail this ship alone

If, if you're afraid that I won't make the grade
Well then I'll sail this ship alone
And if, if you agree to him instead of me
Well then I'll sail this ship alone

Well they said if I wrote the perfect letter
That I would have a chance
Well I wrote it, and you burnt it
And now do I have a chance anyway

If, if you swear that you no longer care
Well then I'll sail this ship alone

I'll sail this ship alone
Between the pain and the pleasure
I'll sail this ship alone
Amongst the sharks and the treasure
If you would rather go your way then go your way
I'll sail this ship alone

Well they said if I burnt myself alive
That you'd come running back

I need a little time
To think it over
I need a little space
Just on my own
I need a little time
To find my freedom
I need a little...

Funny how quick the milk turns sour
Isn't it, isn't it
Your face has been looking like that for hours
Hasn't it, hasn't it
Promises, promises turn to dust
Wedding bells just turn to rust
Trust into mistrust

I need a little room
To find myself
I need a little space
To work it out
I need a little room
All alone
I need a little...

You need a little room for your big head
Don't you, don't you
You need a little space for a thousand beds
Won't you, won't you
Lips that promise - fear the worst
Tongue so sharp - the bubble burst
Just into unjust

I've had a little time
To find the truth
Now I've had a little room
To check what's wrong
I've had a little time
And I still love you
I've had a little...

You had a little time
And you had a little fun
Didn't you, didn't you
While you had yours
Do you think I had none
Do you, do you
The Freedom that you wanted bad
Is yours for good
I hope you're glad
Sad into unsad

I had a little time
To think it over
Had a little room
To work it out
I found a little courage
To call it off

I've had a little time
I've had a little time
I've had a little time
I've had a little time

Old Red eyes is back
Red from the night before the night before
Walked into the wrong bar walked into a door

Old Red's in town
And sitting late at night he doesn't make a sound
Just adding to the wrinkles on his deathly frown

They're only red from all the tears that I should've shed
They're only red from all the women that I could've wed
So when you look into these eyes I hope you realise
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue

Listen up Old Red
You never listened to a word the doctor said
He told you if you drank another you'd be dead

Old Red Eyes is back
His shoulders ache all over and his brain is sore
He pours a drink and listens to his body thaw

They're only red from all the thoughts unused inside my head
They're only red from all the things I could have done instead
So when you look into these eyes I hope you realise
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue

Blue is a street without an end
Red is the colour of my hell
Blue is a greeting from a friend
Red is the colour of farewell

Old Red he died
And every single landlord in the district cried
An empty bottle of whisky laying by his side
A lazy little tear running from each eye
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue

Close your legs, open your mind
Leave those compliments well behind
Dig a little deeper into yourself
And you may find

Come over here just sit right down
Needn't comb your hair, needn't pout or frown
I hear you've turned our young men
Into dribbling clowns

36D so what (D) so what
Is that all that you've got?
36D so what (D) so what
Is that all that you've got?

Make their day and go ahead
Remove your clothes lie on their bed
Just a last gasp chance or an outside bet
To the easily led

And before you do just what you do
Here' one thought for you to chew
The men who run the business that you sell
They screw you too

36D so what (D) so what
Is that all that you've got?
36D so what (D) so what
Is that all that you've got?

You're just another 365 night stand
But you're so handy, you're so handy
You cheapen and you nasty every woman in this land
But you're so handy, you're so handy

Your picture's hanging pretty on the squaddies' walls
You're Steven's, Andy's, you're Ian's, you're Paul's
Your body's through of fondly in the rugby mauls
But you want more

36D so what (D) so what
Is that all that you've got?

36D so what (D) so what
Is that all that you've got?

36D so what (D) so what
Is that all that you've got?

36D so what (D) so what
Is that all that you've got?
He was trying to save his job
He was, he was trying to save his job.

Don't know what I'm doing here
I'll carry on regardless
Got enough money for one more beer
I'll carry on regardless

Good as gold, but stupid as mud
He'll carry on regardless
They'll bleed his heart 'til there's no more blood
But carry on regardless

Carry on with laugh
Carry on with cry
Carry on with brown under moonlit sky

I want my love, my joy, my laugh, my smile, my needs
Not in the star signs
Or the palm that she reads
I want my sun-drenched, wind-swept Ingrid Bergman kiss
Not in the next life
I want it in this
I want it in this

Got one note to last all week
I'll carry on regardless
The hill to happiness is far too steep
I'll carry on regardless

Dried his mouth in the Memphis sun
He carried on regardless
Tried to smile and he bit his tongue
But carry on regardless

Carry on with work
Carry on with love
Carry on with cheering
Anything above

I want my love, my joy, my laugh, my smile, my needs
Not in the star signs
Or the palm that she reads
I want my sun-drenched, wind-swept Ingrid Bergman kiss
Not in the next life
I'll have it in this
I'll have it in this

I don't want silver, I just want gold
Carry on regardless
Bronze is for the sick and the old
But carry on regardless

I want my love, my joy, my laugh, my smile, my needs
Not in the star signs
Or the palm that she reads
I want my sun-drenched, wind-swept Ingrid Bergman kiss
Not in the next life
I'll have it in this
I'll have it in this

Everybody's talkin' at me.
I can't hear a word they're sayin',
Only the echoes of my mind.

People stoppin' starin'
I can't see their faces,
Only the shadows of their eyes.

I'm goin' where the sun keeps shinin'
Thru the pourin' rain,
Goin' where the weather suits my clothes.

Bankin' off the northeast wind,
Sailin' on a summer breeze,
Trippin' over the ocean like a stone.

Woh Woh Woh

I'm goin' where the sun keeps shinin'
Thru the pourin' rain,
Goin' where the weather suits my clothes.

Bankin' off the northeast wind,
Sailin' on a summer breeze,
Trippin' over the ocean like a stone. (Like A Stone)

Everybody's talkin' at me.

Woh Woh Woh

Line One is the time
That you, you first stayed over at mine
And we drank our first bottle of wine
And we cried

Line Two we're away
And we both, we both had nowhere to stay
Well the bus-shelter's always OK
When you're young

Now you're older and I look at your face
Every wrinkle is so easy to place
And I only write them down just in case
That you die

Let's take a look at these crows feet, just look
Sitting on the prettiest eyes
Sixty 25th of Decembers
Fifty-nine 4th of Julys
Not through the age or the failure, children
Not through the hate or despise
Take a good look at these crows feet
Sitting on the prettiest eyes

Line Three I forget
But I think, I think it was our first ever bet
And the horse we backed was short of a leg
Never mind

Line Four in a park
And the things, the things that people do in the dark
I could hear the faintest beat of your heart
Then we did

Now you're older and I look at your face
Every wrinkle is so easy to place
And I only write them down just in case
You should die

Lets take a look at these crows feet, just look
Sitting on the prettiest eyes
Sixty 25th of Decembers
Fifty-nine 4th of Julys
You can't have too many good times, children
You can't have too many lines
Take a good look at these crows feet
Sitting on the prettiest eyes

Well my eyes look like a map of the town
And my teeth are either yellow or they're brown
But you'll never hear the crack of a frown
When you are here
You'll never hear the crack
Of a frown

I once had a friend who I loved from my heart
But I went on and left her 'fore I'd made a start
Now I'm moaning the blues like the rest of the charts
Take me back

So I'll cry with a limp
Just get by on a limb
Till these blue eyes of mine they are closed
So here's to an old fashioned peck on the cheek
And farewell my sweet Northern Rose

Give me one last love song
To bring you back, bring you back
Give me one last video, just dressed in black, dressed in black
Give him a chorus and that bit at the end
Where he wails on and on 'bout the loss of a friend
Let him scream loudly 'well this love could mend'
Let it die, let it die

Those bloody great ballads we hated at first
Well I bought them all, now I'm writing worse
Save us from baldness and saving the earth
Take me back

And I'll smile with a limp
And I'll love with a limp
Till the clouds disappear from above
And as the storm moves away all I can say
Is there's a towel on the door for your love

Give me one last love song
To bring you back, bring you back
Give me one last video, just dressed in black, dressed in black
Give him a chorus and that bit at the end
Where he wails on and on 'bout the loss of a friend
Let him scream loudly 'well this love could mend'
Let it die, let it die, let it die

And the women tug their hair
Like they're trying to prove it won't fall out
And all the men are gargoyles
Dipped long in Irish stout

The whole place is pickled
The people are pickles for sure
And no-one knows if they've done more here
Than they ever would do in a jar

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone
Anywhere alone

And everyone is blonde
And everyone is beautiful
and when blondes and beautiful are multiple
they become so dull and dutiful

And when faced with dull and dutiful
They fire red warning flares
Battle-Khaki personality
With red underwear

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone
Anywhere alone

The whole place is pickled
The people are pickles for sure
And no-one knows if they've done more here
Than they ever would do in a jar

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone

Think of you with pipe and slippers
Think of her in Bed
Laying there just watching telly
Then think of me instead

I'll never grow so old and flabby
That could never be
Don't marry her, fuck me

And your love light shines like cardboard
But your work shoes are glistening
She's a Ph.D in 'I told you so'
You've a knighthood in 'I'm not listening'

She'll grab your sweaty bollocks
Then slowly raise her knee
Don't marry her, fuck me

And the Sunday sun shines down on San Francisco bay
And you realise you can't make it anyway
You have to wash the car
Take the kiddies to the park
Don't marry her, fuck me

Those lovely Sunday mornings
With breakfast brought in bed
Those blackbirds look like knitting needles
Trying to peck your head

Those birds will peck your soul out
And throw away the key
Don't marry her, fuck me

And the kitchen's always tidy
And the bathroom's always clean
She's a diploma in 'just hiding things'
You've a first in 'low esteem'

When your socks smell of angels
But your life smells of brie
Don't marry her, fuck me

And the Sunday sun shines down on San Francisco bay
And you realise you can't make it anyway
You have to wash the car
Take the kiddies to the park
Don't marry her, fuck me

And the Sunday sun shines down on San Francisco bay
And you realise you can't make it anyway
You have to wash the car
Take the kiddies to the park
Don't marry her, fuck me

She's a perfect 10, but she wears a 12
Baby keep a little 2 for me
She could be sweet 16, bustin' out at the seams
It's still love in the first degree

When he's at my gate, with a big fat 8
You wanna see the smile on my face
And even at my door, with a poor poor 4
There ain't no man can replace

'Cause we love our love,
in different sizes
I love her body, especially the lies
Time takes it's toll, but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

If he's extra large well I'm in charge
I can work this thing on top
If he's XXL well what the hell
Every penny don't fit the slot

The anorexic chicks, the model 6
They don't hold no weight with me
Well 8 or 9, well that's just fine
But I like to hold something I can see

'Cause we love our love,
in different sizes
I love her body, especially the lies
Time takes it's toll, but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

I've bought a watch, to time your beauty
But I've had to fit a second hand
I've bought a calendar, and every month
Is taken up by lover man

'Cause we love our love,
in different sizes
I love her body, especially the lies
Time takes it's toll, but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

'Cause we love our love, in different sizes
I love her body, especially the lies
Time takes it's toll, but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

How long's a tear take to dry
When a woman has no breeze?
How long's a tear take to dry
When a woman, when a woman's on her knees?

How long's a tear take to dry
When a woman hasn't sinned?
How long's a tear take to dry
When the weather, when the weather brings no wind?

Look I'm sorry that I hurt you
You look a million dollars and a dime
Time's the greatest healer
But love's the greatest stealer of all time

I'm so sorry, (make it plural) - My heart's broken, (mine's the same)
I still love you (make it plural)
You're so sweet!
The flowers smell sweeter, the closer you are to the grave
The flowers smell sweeter, the closer you are to the grave

How long's a tear take to dry
When almighty brings is rain?
How long's a tear take to dry
And do tears, and do tears really stain?

This heart was like a tardis
I went and lost the key in a fight
I've never found a locksmith
Will you be my locksmith tonight?
(Will I shite)

I'm so sorry, (make it plural) - My heart's broken, (mine's the same)
I still love you (make it plural)
You're so sweet!
The flowers smell sweeter, the closer you are to the grave
The flowers smell sweeter, the closer you are to the grave

How long does sorry really last
Is it tattooed upon your heart?
Or is it hung in a museum
With your Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa ex-ass art?

I have no summer, (I'll buy you summer)
I'll buy July, if December makes you cry
A little or no trace face belies a lie of many days gone by
A little or no trace face belies a lie of many days gone by
-acapo

> When you called me a useless druggie
At least you got half of it right
When you called me a hopeless alcoholic
I'm only hopeless after nine at night
And when I said you came staggering home blind drunk
If I didn't you'd get terrible fright
And if this is the land of hope and glory
Where's the land of hope but not quite
I've been scruff bag, dirt bag, always someones binbag
But never been bono or sting
However I dressed never really impressed
So they never got to hear a damn thing
I've been bad man sad man certified mad
But never 007 or saint
Trendsetter go getter international jet setter
Are just a few things that I ain't
The time you told class I was a half wit
Was my very first 50 %
Previous best in any other test
Was either stolen copied or lent
And when you branded me and every single one of my mates
A waste of time and effort to teach
Why d'you give us sums if our only hope was bums
On someone else's deckchair and beach
I've been smart arse, mardy arse, on and off a lard arse
But never been a legend to god
New thing dumb thing even last year's thing
Headbang? - not even a nod!
I've been left-wing, secure-wing, lost stripes, gained winged
We've never caused a lady to faint
Wideboy, ladyboy, read it in the paper boy
A few things they said that I ain't
When popularity soared, hometown and abroad
I spent most of it trying to breathe in
Always ill at ease, too willing to please
An inferior life's bargain bin
When you come from a background of bargain bins
You're bound to fear it ends where it begins
So when nation adored we felt more of a fraud
And too phoney to celebrate wins
I've been scruffbag, dirtbag, always someones binbag
But never been Bono or Sting
However I dressed never really impressed
So they never got to hear a damn thing
I've been badman, sadman, certified mad
But never 007 or Saint
Trend-setter, go-getter, international jet-setter
Are just a few things that I ain't

Well I kept fantasizing your eyes were wide open
and it made me long for little last night
Yes it was frantic, it was young, it was sweet
But a sweet worth every bite


Now I'm not normally one to be greedy
But I had to be greedy with you
5 days, 6 days. the whole of the month
wouldn't satisfy my only sweet tooth


Well it can take many years to forge a friendship
It can take a lifetime to get close
But we took all the shortcuts,
used our hearts as a map
and we still got closer than most


So excuse my staring but it's just your looks
are a standard well above myself
Your face might mean zip to you
But to me it's something else


All I can do is thank you
and wish that every dream you have will come true
5 years, 6 years, the whole of your life
I'll be wishing for the riches for you


You dashed pretty's only chance of a compliment
and gave the plain the blues
Turned supermodel into last year's pull
and got her down shining your shoes


And I don't mean to be hod carrier
of the ordinary folks bad news
But tell Miss World to fly to Mars
If she really doesn't like to lose

I came in here, just to see his guilty face
I'm just checkin'
He's been dead twenty years but I sort of miss the chase
I'm just checkin'

I've seen folk just like her, pop their noses round the door
They're just checkin'
If this is where their husband was between 1 and 4
They're just checkin'

Nothing hits so definite, hits so hard
When he's moved from Old White Hart
and he's doing the Old Graveyard
We're running a check. On the love we had taken away
We're running a check. That death wasn't fortnight astray
Nothing hits so definite (repeat)

The mask of sobriety for afternoons he'd save
I'm just checkin'
If he could fool me regularly he'd certainly fool his grave
I'm just checkin'

I've seen those widows pray for the hunt that was taken away
They're just checkin'
They pretend they've just popped by like they popped by yesterday
They're just checkin'

I came round here in case he left a slate
No one settles up around here, like the widowed or the late
We've seen folk like you settle bills or family feuds
But no one's bought a drink for those that death excludes
We're just checkin'
We're just thinkin'
We're just sinkin'

No one wrote a song for me
Just instrumental not too long
As sure as sure could ever be
You'd only get the lyrics wrong

No solo Chet Baker ever played
lowered me slowly to my grave
The prose that Keats and Yates would save
was for King and Queen not knave

I have no poem that describes my charm
No story told that's short and sweet
I have no hymn, I have no psalm
This song I have it has no beat
Yes it has no beat
No tapping of feet
Yes it has no beat

Miles Davis played the black 'n' blues
Did he play for me to lose?
Cause just when round midnight falls
That tune's not his it's Kenny Ball's

Now on that graveyard on that grave
On that tombstone in the shade
No poem written, no accolade
No "We loved you" ever sprayed

There's just this feeling from that moss
When epitaph you cannot read
he must have lived it at budget cost
So he deserves to be beneath

All that William Robinson wrote
not one of my pluses did he portray
those lyrics stuck right down my throat
I never hit
It never hit
My hit parade

That grand facade
Will finally diminish
When he breaks your heart
From start to finish

Sisters dream of isles in paradise
That ain't no use when the captain's just capsized
The smile that you now know was a guise
Left his clever lips and stole the prize

So women take a loser's good advice
Let your hem go floating out but use the anchor twice
Don't feel ever sorry for the dicks
Just grab the dice and hope you roll a six, a six

That grand facade
Will finally diminish
When he breaks your heart
From start to finish

Sisters dream of isles in paradise
That ain't no use when the captain's just capsized
The happiness that you now know was a guise
Left his clever lips and stole the prize

So women take a loser's good advice
Let your hem go floating out but use the anchor twice
Don't feel ever sorry for the dicks
Just grab the dice and hope you roll a six, a six

So as nature gave out semen
To the jealous and the sick
Jesus gave out candies
To the dim or partially lit

And woman you're a lighthouse
While the candle only drips
Girl you are a shining star
In masculine eclipse

In masculine eclipse
In masculine eclipse
In masculine eclipse
In masculine eclipse

Your figure like your friendship
Gradually grows and grows
The clothes that you thought that you'd shrunk
Their size just froze

When the body that you thought of as yours
Just ups and goes
I'll be happy with the weight
Of the partner that I chose

Your quick-step is slower
But your spirit's still out on the floor
And you can still hack it
'Cause you know what your feet are free for
And I'll love my dear
'Til you can't tuck it in anymore, anymore

Your second grey hair came a month
After the first
It didn't make you better
But it didn't make you feel any worse

Your third grey hair appeared
With the fourth on your beard
Your fifth, sixth, seventh sprouted out
From your nose and your ears

And I'll love you my partner
'Til you can't hide the grey anymore
Your distinguished good looks
Am the ones young girls cannot ignore
And I'll love you my partner
'Til the grey hairs hairdressers floor, hairdressers floor

Your eighth and your ninth and your tenth
You just looked to the sky
Like the charge of the Light Brigade
Was passing you by

Your quick-step is slower
But your spirit's still out on the floor
When it comes to raw beauty
You've a whole whorehouse waiting in store
Your corset has grown
Bid you're still always first to the drawer

And I'll love you my partner (And I'll love you my partner)
'Til the grey hairs the hairdresser's floor
Hairdresser's floor, hairdresser's floor

-------------
Lyrics Powered by LyricFind
Written By PAUL HEATON, DAVE ROTHERAY
<i>Lyrics &copy; Universal Music Publishing Group</i>

If we crawl at two
We could crawl at twenty-two
And grovel at
The drop of a hat

And once they've got you down there
It's so hard to re-straighten your back
It we crawl at two
We could crawl at one handred and two

And the target brainless don't quite reach
Covered so kindly in your opening speech
Is a tiny crab of thought, crab of thought
On a sideways beach

Let lessons not the pupils teach
Justice not the lesers breach
And maggots not have fingers
Wagged at by leech

Well I made sure
I wrote this song in braille
So you could touch the words
The words that sail

From my mouth back to the jail
You could touch the words that sail
From the mouth back to the jail
That is posing as tongue

Curtsies, bows, thank you sirs
And the wearing of a business suit
Lead to complaints of backache
And end with a Nazi salute

And once they've got you down there
It's so hard to re-straighten your back
If we crawl at two
We could crawl at two two two

And the target brainless don't quite reach
Covered so kindly in your opening speech
Is a tiny crab of thought, crab of thought
On a sideways beach

Let lessons not the pupils teach
Justice not the lesers breach
And maggots not have fingers
Wagged at by leech

Well I made sure
I wrote this song in braille
So you could touch the words
The words that sail

From my mouth back to the jail
You could touch the words that sail
From the mouth back to the jail That is posing as tongue

If we crawl at two
We could crawl at twenty-two
If we crawl at two
We could crawl at twenty-two

This reign of plastic
That replaced the reign of gold
Couldn't have known that you
Would feel so undersold
If love was built on hindsight
Then you surely would have seen
You were joining hands
With the Tupperware Queen

Yes you gave a groan
When I took that throne
But can you choose a Queen
When you behave like a drone
Where the silverware's not expected
And certainly never been
That's the ideal kingdom
Of this Tupperware Queen

I didn't mean to fool you
Into feeling King
Of anything but plastic
And what plastic brings
If gold is what she had
It's what I could've been
The unaffordable dream
Of this Tupperware Queen

Yes you gave a groan
When I took that throne
But don't expect a gem
When you're quarrying for stone
Where the silverware's not expected
And certainty never been
That's the ideal kingdom
Of this Tupperware Queen

In future when that moan
Has turned to prone
And the slightest groan
Feels so overblown
Remember you're a drone
And the Queen however plastic
Runs the honeycomb
Runs the honeycomb

Honeycomb, honey, honey
Remember you're a drone
And the Queen however plastic
Runs the honeycomb

I've only got one real fan
She is not woman she is not man
She's got her own coat of arms
and her tartan and her own clan
Her clan surpasses beauty
always love and never duty
A beauty that feels so alien
to this land
These feelings should be
censored they should be banned
But when you put a pornstar
in these hands
I'm the 6 month old with the
keys to his own pram
You got this straight
to play the fool
Miss out nursery miss out school
And gave the bullet train option
to this old abandoned tram
How do you make so special
look like dross
How do you make expensive
look budget cost
If it's power to the workers
then you are the boss
You make bluebells look like moss
Gave a second coat to gloss
And made Lennon's little Ono
look like dross
prostitution was not illegal
you'd make cheap sex look so legal
Make the hottest little joint in
town look like frost
The famous they get stalkers
they get pests
But I'd rather get a bullet
right through my chest
All that Lennon could imagine
was not you was just a fraction
and all half hearted get is
second best
The famous they get stalkers
they get pests
But I'd rather get a bullet
right through my chest
All that Lennon could imagine
was not you was just a fraction
and all half hearted get is
second best
all half hearted get is
second best
all half hearted get is
second best
all half hearted get is
second best
all half hearted get is
second best
all half hearted get is
second best
all half hearted get is
second best
all half hearted get is
second best
all half hearted get is
second best
all half hearted get is
second best
all half hearted get is
second best
all half hearted get is
second best
all half hearted get is
second best

Love takes time we all agree
and time's not the easiest to cheat
The water changes one degree
When will the shiver
of this river
turn to sea

The river does no good, no harm
Tempts us like pirates to its calm
Lover's shanty, devil's psalm
Goddamn this river
and its shiver
and its charm

If you've got love's A to Z
Don't go dredging river bed
Use your fins and use your head
This river's hooked the floating dead

Our lives go bounding down the strewn
When will we realise minnow dreams
The frustration eating you and me
Our only wish
to be the fish
that meets the sea

We cannot tell a he or she
But us fish can tell a we
We know the seed we know the tree
When will my conker
conquer thee

The cheaper woman and myself
We've both got ladders in our tights
When you've been left on the top shelf
You've got those ladders in your sights

You've heard it said a thousand times
But only heard his Broadway lines
So, baby please go
Ain't, ain't part of the show

'Cause when Romeo needs no cue or prompt
The likelier your little heart be stomped
By, by baby don't go

'Cause in the west-end show your life
Played understudy to every part
Got given all the dullest lines
Whilst the chorus girls danced on your heart

Baby please go (Baby please go)
Baby please go (Baby please go)

The sorry tale we'd all applaud
That only dripped and never poured
But, baby just go
Let him, let him on with his show

The leading snail leaves tell tale lines
The bullshit tower the loudest chimes
But, baby please go
Ain't, ain't part of the show

'Cause in the west-end show your life
Played understudy to every part
Got given all the dullest lines
Whilst the chorus girls danced on your heart

Baby please go (Baby please go)
Baby please go (Baby please go)

Romantic love lines that we adored (Baby forget them)
They were read by men from idiot board (Baby forget them)
So a message from the wisest guy to broad
Is best like flattery ignored

Baby just let him go
Let him on with the show
Baby just let him go
Let him on with the show

You look a younger more beautiful version of death
But I'm scared to hold you close or smell your breath
Now your body's facing east your heart is west
And you can call me leisure and I can call you rest

We can't stop thinking that we should've guessed
We should've held you closer to our chest
'Cos our shoulders were put there for that test
Now you can call me leisure and I can call you rest

Well you certainly jumped the red at treasure chest
Your joyride didn't feel bad enough to confess
Till you placed the lemming on this family crest
And you can call me leisure, the donor of poor measure
The scalpel of all pleasure, I'll call you rest

It's what we thought God gave us shoulders for
Not to shrug in self pity or to ignore
Instead the helpless ration chances to the poor
We pick your weightless body up from the floor
We pick your weightless body up from the floor

All the minutes, and the hours that you caressed
Have been taken to a place that you thought best
If it's heaven or it's hell you're still well blessed
And I shall get my own back when I can call you rest

Well you certainly jumped the red at treasure chest
Your joyride didn't feel bad enough to confess
Till you placed the lemming on this family crest
And you can call me leisure, the donor of poor measure
The scalpel of all pleasure, I'll call you rest

It's what we thought God gave us shoulders for
Not to shrug in self pity or to ignore
Instead the helpless ration chances to the poor
We pick your weightless body up from the floor
We pick your weightless body up from the floor

Up from the floor, up from the floor, up from the floor

Well the dice that I roll never seems to land on six
And that 48 card pack is short of some of my old tricks
The horse I bet on all those years ago
Is probably still running round the track
Like the marriage that I gambled on
I'm due my money back, I'm due my money back
We could've learned, we could've burned from the firework love ignites
But that sparkler of romance proved impossible to light
If your country code or your green cross code
It can leave a lasting mark
History books have showed follow safety code
And stamp out your final spark
Well the husband that I married once
I should've kept him in a cage
Kept him sitting waiting there
To show the tortoise middle-age
Cause you never back an animal that struggles on two legs
I'd rather back a stray with three than one that sits up and just begs
Than one that sits up and just begs
We could've learned, we could've burned from the firework love ignites
But that sparkler of romance proved impossible to light
If your country code or your green cross code
It can leave a lasting mark
History books have showed follow safety code
And stamp out your final spark
We could've learned, we could've burned from the firework love ignites
But that sparkler of romance proved impossible to light
If your country code or your green cross code
It can leave a lasting mark
History books have showed follow safety code
And stamp out your final spark
Milk will curdle, cheese go off, expensive wine mature
Kids grow up, parents down, husbands turn to tragic bore
Receipts and life insurance all very well, but don't fully cover hate
So you can't return this idiot when he's past his sell-by date
Milk will curdle, cheese go off, expensive wine mature
Kids grow up, parents down, husbands turn to tragic bore
Receipts and life insurance all very well, but don't fully cover hate
So you can't return this idiot when he's past his sell-by date

The part of love that I'm scared of
is the actual taking off
I can take a bumpy landing
But the start must be soft
soft, soft, soft
It must be soft


Some men need your attention
every minute, every hour
Some women need the proof
in every chocolate, every flower
Are you asking me down your runway?
I'm asking you to be watchtower
tower, tower, tower
to be watchtower
tower, tower, tower



Some men just like the journey
don't care if it's incomplete
Some women like a long trip
Some women short 'n' sweet
But if we lift each other up
Let's make it 10,000 feet
feet, feet, feet
10,000 feet
feet, feet, feet



The reason I'm still down here
and I've never taken off
Is I never had the courage
To rummage through love's loft
loft, loft, loft
The highest loft
loft, loft, loft



Cos when we're finally up there
and the engines have been stopped
the landing won't be fatal
if love's parachute's been dropped
dropped, dropped, dropped
love's been dropped
dropped, dropped, dropp

If you could pull yourself away from that mess
Surely if you could pack a punch then you can pack a dress
'Cause hot on the trail of self pity is wilderness
Like hot on the heels of heartbreak is happiness

It's an upward struggle just to be yourself (To be yourself)
And if I climb too far I'll end up on the shelf
When sorry's have been said and tears, tears have dried
I'm still the easy route to easy ride

If you could just have a good word with yourself
Convince yourself you're you and no-one else
Restore your confidence and your pride
A soldier don't need no-one by their side

It seems as though there's only me to blame (Me To Blame)
Pushover, must be my middle name
Just because he flushed love down the drain
Doesn't mean your little heart can't be reclaimed

If you could just have a good word with yourself
Convince yourself you're you and no-one else
Restore your confidence and your pride
A soldier don't need no-one by their side

And I know that what I've chosen's second best
And if the passport was there then I'd say yes
But departure leaves a fully feathered nest
This easy bird is easily impressed
This easy bird is easily impressed

Your little wings broken, nest destroyed
The love that he talked of, null and void
If you knew you were a plaything with which they toyed
Your little heart would now be the employed

Next time I choose to love I'll take good aim
Miss out on his sweet talk and his blame
Then when I miss the target you can't complain
It's only the sure-shot actually feels the pain
It's only the sure-shot actually feels the pain
It's only the sure-shot actually feels the pain

Little seas can be big seas
To the wrong or long of sights
But the Mediterranean
Looks like aspirin tonight

The Doctor told me the chemist
He had nothing for my plights
But the Mediterranean
Looks like aspirin tonight

This ocean puts in motion
All our wildest Crusoe thoughts
Turns brain to Kontiki
When it's always been left in port

I'd rather be cemented
In deep blue building site
'Cause drugs can get you higher
But my chosen drug tonight
Is the reliable Mediterranean
Is the reliable Mediterranean
Is my chosen my chosen drug tonight

Little voyage can be big voyage
If you sail in the middle of night
But the Mediterranean
Needs the compass tonight

It gives cheap thrills to the seagulls
Life to lifes little kites
But the Mediterranean
Is my aspirin tonight

This ocean puts in motion
All our wildest Crusoe thoughts
Turns brain to Kontiki
When it's always been left in port

I'd rather be cemented
In deep blue building site
'Cause drugs can get you higher
But my chosen drug tonight
Is the reliable Mediterranean
Is the reliable Mediterranean
Is my chosen my chosen drug tonight

I'd rather be cemented
In deep blue building site
'Cause drugs can get you higher
But my chosen drug tonight
Is the reliable Mediterranean
Is the reliable Mediterranean
Is my chosen my chosen drug tonight

Guard your body with the best barbed wire
And ward off foe with the fiercest of fire
But let love unguarded into the strangest of nights

Wear your dresses like they're up for hire
And leave them with your humour in the tumble dryer
And watch yourself stumble down a lane with no lights

School like life turns some men into mice
What you need now is a little piece of mouse advice

Well they say be wary of strangers
Especially if they offer you sweets
But there ain't no government health warning
On half the mad fuckers you meet

Save yourself personal tradegy
Go back to the man with the sweets
Do yourself schooling favour
Head back to the man with the sweets

Those who feared cancer never had much to say
They bored us at parties onto forty a day
They forced us into corners and onto forty a day

The dentiist's chair is the only time
That anybody ever looks at their mouth
Let the dentist give their teeth something to chatter about

School like life turns some men into mice
To avoid the rat-trap take the mouse's advice

Well they say be wary of strangers
Especially if they offer you sweets
But there ain't no government health warning
On half the mad fuckers you meet

Save yourself personal tradegy
Go back to the man with the sweets
Do yourself schooling favour
Head back to the man with the sweets

All the secrets we have shared
Have moved to a couple better paired
So if he impales himself on javelin or spike
I will try my best to be the perfect lookalike

And if he wants to be smart
And enter a property quiz
Every weed in the garden's mine but the lawnmower's his
Every weed in the garden's mine but the lawnmower's his

And if his manhood needs the help of scaffold or even a winch
I will gladly supplement that extra little inch
And if it ever reaches tie-break at the property quiz
If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my tits and fanny not his
If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my not his

Now you've found someone new
May I watch him do what I used to do
So if he dies an ugly death or even if he faints
I'll be there at the window with my face pressed up against

Maybe I shouted too loud
Maybe you were blissfully deaf
But I hope he's a better sport than he was a ref
I hope he's a better sport than he was a ref

And if his manhood needs the help of scaffold or even a winch
I will gladly supplement that extra little inch
And if it ever reaches tie-break at the property quiz
If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my tits and fanny not his
If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my not his

I hope he likes to fly
And is a good host to every guest
'Cause there's less chance of dying in a crash than being bored to death
Yes there's less chance of dying in a crash than being bored to death

And if his manhood needs the help of scaffold or even a winch
I will gladly supplement that extra little inch
And if it ever reaches tie-break at the property quiz
If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my tits and fanny not his
If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my not his

Now you've found someone new

And the women tug their hair
Like they're trying to prove it won't fall out
And all the men are gargoyles
Dipped long in Irish stout

The whole place is pickled
The people are pickles for sure
And no-one knows if they've done more here
Than they ever would do in a jar

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone
Anywhere alone

And everyone is blonde
And everyone is beautiful
and when blondes and beautiful are multiple
they become so dull and dutiful

And when faced with dull and dutiful
They fire red warning flares
Battle-Khaki personality
With red underwear

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone
Anywhere alone

The whole place is pickled
The people are pickles for sure
And no-one knows if they've done more here
Than they ever would do in a jar

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone

This could be Rotterdam or anywhere
Liverpool or Rome
'Cause Rotterdam is anywhere
Anywhere alone

She's a perfect 10, but she wears a 12
Baby keep a little 2 for me
She could be sweet 16, bustin' out at the seams
It's still love in the first degree

When he's at my gate, with a big fat 8
You wanna see the smile on my face
And even at my door, with a poor poor 4
There ain't no man can replace

'Cause we love our love,
in different sizes
I love her body, especially the lies
Time takes it's toll, but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

If he's extra large well I'm in charge
I can work this thing on top
If he's XXL well what the hell
Every penny don't fit the slot

The anorexic chicks, the model 6
They don't hold no weight with me
Well 8 or 9, well that's just fine
But I like to hold something I can see

'Cause we love our love,
in different sizes
I love her body, especially the lies
Time takes it's toll, but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

I've bought a watch, to time your beauty
But I've had to fit a second hand
I've bought a calendar, and every month
Is taken up by lover man

'Cause we love our love,
in different sizes
I love her body, especially the lies
Time takes it's toll, but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

'Cause we love our love, in different sizes
I love her body, especially the lies
Time takes it's toll, but not on the eyes
Promise me this, take me tonight

He was just a social drinker but social every night
He enjoyed a pint or two or three or four
She was just a silent thinker, silent every night
He'd enjoy the thought of killing her before

Well he was very rarely drunk but very rarely sober
And he didn't think the problem was his drink
But he only knew his problem when he knocked her over
And when the rotting flesh began to stink

Cry freedom for the woman in the wall
Cry freedom for she has no voice at all
I hear her cry all day, all night
I hear her voice from deep within the wall
Made a cross from knitting needles
Made a grave from koover bags
Especially for the woman in the wall

She'd knitted him a jumper with dominoes on
So he wore it everyday in every week
Pretended to himself that she hadn't really gone
Pretended that he thought he beard her speak

Then at last it seemed that he was really winning
He felt that he had some sort of grip
But all of his new life was sent a-spinning
When the rotting wall began to drip

Think of you with pipe and slippers
Think of her in Bed
Laying there just watching telly
Then think of me instead

I'll never grow so old and flabby
That could never be
Don't marry her, fuck me

And your love light shines like cardboard
But your work shoes are glistening
She's a Ph.D in 'I told you so'
You've a knighthood in 'I'm not listening'

She'll grab your sweaty bollocks
Then slowly raise her knee
Don't marry her, fuck me

And the Sunday sun shines down on San Francisco bay
And you realise you can't make it anyway
You have to wash the car
Take the kiddies to the park
Don't marry her, fuck me

Those lovely Sunday mornings
With breakfast brought in bed
Those blackbirds look like knitting needles
Trying to peck your head

Those birds will peck your soul out
And throw away the key
Don't marry her, fuck me

And the kitchen's always tidy
And the bathroom's always clean
She's a diploma in 'just hiding things'
You've a first in 'low esteem'

When your socks smell of angels
But your life smells of brie
Don't marry her, fuck me

And the Sunday sun shines down on San Francisco bay
And you realise you can't make it anyway
You have to wash the car
Take the kiddies to the park
Don't marry her, fuck me

And the Sunday sun shines down on San Francisco bay
And you realise you can't make it anyway
You have to wash the car
Take the kiddies to the park
Don't marry her, fuck me

I need a little time
To think it over
I need a little space
Just on my own
I need a little time
To find my freedom
I need a little...

Funny how quick the milk turns sour
Isn't it, isn't it
Your face has been looking like that for hours
Hasn't it, hasn't it
Promises, promises turn to dust
Wedding bells just turn to rust
Trust into mistrust

I need a little room
To find myself
I need a little space
To work it out
I need a little room
All alone
I need a little...

You need a little room for your big head
Don't you, don't you
You need a little space for a thousand beds
Won't you, won't you
Lips that promise - fear the worst
Tongue so sharp - the bubble burst
Just into unjust

I've had a little time
To find the truth
Now I've had a little room
To check what's wrong
I've had a little time
And I still love you
I've had a little...

You had a little time
And you had a little fun
Didn't you, didn't you
While you had yours
Do you think I had none
Do you, do you
The Freedom that you wanted bad
Is yours for good
I hope you're glad
Sad into unsad

I had a little time
To think it over
Had a little room
To work it out
I found a little courage
To call it off

I've had a little time
I've had a little time
I've had a little time
I've had a little time

Everybody's talkin' at me.
I can't hear a word they're sayin',
Only the echoes of my mind.

People stoppin' starin'
I can't see their faces,
Only the shadows of their eyes.

I'm goin' where the sun keeps shinin'
Thru the pourin' rain,
Goin' where the weather suits my clothes.

Bankin' off the northeast wind,
Sailin' on a summer breeze,
Trippin' over the ocean like a stone.

Woh Woh Woh

I'm goin' where the sun keeps shinin'
Thru the pourin' rain,
Goin' where the weather suits my clothes.

Bankin' off the northeast wind,
Sailin' on a summer breeze,
Trippin' over the ocean like a stone. (Like A Stone)

Everybody's talkin' at me.

Woh Woh Woh

Don't know what I'm doing here
I'll carry on regardless
Got enough money for one more beer
I'll carry on regardless

Good as gold, but stupid as mud
He'll carry on regardless
They'll bleed his heart 'til there's no more blood
But carry on regardless

Carry on with laugh
Carry on with cry
Carry on with brown under moonlit sky

I want my love, my joy, my laugh, my smile, my needs
Not in the star signs
Or the palm that she reads
I want my sun-drenched, wind-swept Ingrid Bergman kiss
Not in the next life
I want it in this
I want it in this

Got one note to last all week
I'll carry on regardless
The hill to happiness is far too steep
I'll carry on regardless

Dried his mouth in the Memphis sun
He carried on regardless
Tried to smile and he bit his tongue
But carry on regardless

Carry on with work
Carry on with love
Carry on with cheering
Anything above

I want my love, my joy, my laugh, my smile, my needs
Not in the star signs
Or the palm that she reads
I want my sun-drenched, wind-swept Ingrid Bergman kiss
Not in the next life
I'll have it in this
I'll have it in this

I don't want silver, I just want gold
Carry on regardless
Bronze is for the sick and the old
But carry on regardless

I want my love, my joy, my laugh, my smile, my needs
Not in the star signs
Or the palm that she reads
I want my sun-drenched, wind-swept Ingrid Bergman kiss
Not in the next life
I'll have it in this
I'll have it in this

Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper I love you
Birds singing in the sycamore tree
Dream a little dream of me

Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on, dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger til dawn, dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams til sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on, dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger til dawn, dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams til sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries far behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

I love you from the bottom, of my pencil case
I love you in the songs, I write and sing

Love you because, you put me in my rightful place
And I love the PRS cheques, that you bring

Cheap, never cheap
I'll sing you songs till you're asleep
When you've gone upstairs I'll creep
And write it all down

Oh Shirley, Oh Deborah, Oh Julie, Oh Jane
I wrote so many songs about you
I forget your name (I forget your name)
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel, too
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel, too
I forget your name

I love your from the bottom of my pencil case
I love the way you never ask me why
I love to write about each wrinkle on your face
And I love you till my fountain pen runs dry

Deep so deep, the number one I hope to reap
Depends upon the tears you weep, so cry, lovey cry, cry, cry, cry

Oh Cathy, Oh Alison, Oh Phillipa, Oh Sue
You made me so much money, I wrote this song for you
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel, too
I wrote this song for you

So let me talk about Mary, a sad story
Turned her grief into glory
Late at night, by the typewriter light,
She ripped his ribbon to shreds

Old Red eyes is back
Red from the night before the night before
Walked into the wrong bar walked into a door

Old Red's in town
And sitting late at night he doesn't make a sound
Just adding to the wrinkles on his deathly frown

They're only red from all the tears that I should've shed
They're only red from all the women that I could've wed
So when you look into these eyes I hope you realise
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue

Listen up Old Red
You never listened to a word the doctor said
He told you if you drank another you'd be dead

Old Red Eyes is back
His shoulders ache all over and his brain is sore
He pours a drink and listens to his body thaw

They're only red from all the thoughts unused inside my head
They're only red from all the things I could have done instead
So when you look into these eyes I hope you realise
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue

Blue is a street without an end
Red is the colour of my hell
Blue is a greeting from a friend
Red is the colour of farewell

Old Red he died
And every single landlord in the district cried
An empty bottle of whisky laying by his side
A lazy little tear running from each eye
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue

I once had a friend who I loved from my heart
But I went on and left her 'fore I'd made a start
Now I'm moaning the blues like the rest of the charts
Take me back

So I'll cry with a limp
Just get by on a limb
Till these blue eyes of mine they are closed
So here's to an old fashioned peck on the cheek
And farewell my sweet Northern Rose

Give me one last love song
To bring you back, bring you back
Give me one last video, just dressed in black, dressed in black
Give him a chorus and that bit at the end
Where he wails on and on 'bout the loss of a friend
Let him scream loudly 'well this love could mend'
Let it die, let it die

Those bloody great ballads we hated at first
Well I bought them all, now I'm writing worse
Save us from baldness and saving the earth
Take me back

And I'll smile with a limp
And I'll love with a limp
Till the clouds disappear from above
And as the storm moves away all I can say
Is there's a towel on the door for your love

Give me one last love song
To bring you back, bring you back
Give me one last video, just dressed in black, dressed in black
Give him a chorus and that bit at the end
Where he wails on and on 'bout the loss of a friend
Let him scream loudly 'well this love could mend'
Let it die, let it die, let it die

It doesn't take a mathematician
To add a simple sum
Either you are simply beautiful
Or I am simply dumb

Dumb, dumb, dumb

It doesn't take Robert The Bruce
To see the web you've spun
Either you are simply beautiful
Or I am simply dumb

Dumb, dumb, dumb

It doesn't take a labrador
To show a blind man sun
Either you are simply beautiful
Or I am simply dumb

Dumb, dumb, dumb

The sun, the sky, the moon, the stars
Jupiter, Neptune and Mars
All these things I clearly see
It don't take a telescope for you to love me

Dumb, dumb, dumb

How long's a tear take to dry
When a woman has no breeze?
How long's a tear take to dry
When a woman, when a woman's on her knees?

How long's a tear take to dry
When a woman hasn't sinned?
How long's a tear take to dry
When the weather, when the weather brings no wind?

Look I'm sorry that I hurt you
You look a million dollars and a dime
Time's the greatest healer
But love's the greatest stealer of all time

I'm so sorry, (make it plural) - My heart's broken, (mine's the same)
I still love you (make it plural)
You're so sweet!
The flowers smell sweeter, the closer you are to the grave
The flowers smell sweeter, the closer you are to the grave

How long's a tear take to dry
When almighty brings is rain?
How long's a tear take to dry
And do tears, and do tears really stain?

This heart was like a tardis
I went and lost the key in a fight
I've never found a locksmith
Will you be my locksmith tonight?
(Will I shite)

I'm so sorry, (make it plural) - My heart's broken, (mine's the same)
I still love you (make it plural)
You're so sweet!
The flowers smell sweeter, the closer you are to the grave
The flowers smell sweeter, the closer you are to the grave

How long does sorry really last
Is it tattooed upon your heart?
Or is it hung in a museum
With your Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa ex-ass art?

I have no summer, (I'll buy you summer)
I'll buy July, if December makes you cry
A little or no trace face belies a lie of many days gone by
A little or no trace face belies a lie of many days gone by
-acapo