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Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Worthington,
Don't put your daughter on the stage, The profession is overcrowded And the struggle's pretty tough And admitting the fact She's burning to act, That isn't quite enough. She has nice hands, to give the wretched girl her due, But don't you think her bust is too Developed for her age? I repeat Mrs. Worthington, Sweet Mrs. Worthington, Don't put your daughter on the stage. Regarding yours, dear Mrs. Worthington Of Wednesday, the 23rd. Although your baby may be keen on a stage career How can I make it clear that this is not a good idea For her to hope and appear, Mrs. Worthington Is on the face of it absurd Her personality is not in reality quite big enough, inviting enough For this particular sphere Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Worthington, Don't put your daughter on the stage, She's a bit of an ugly duckling You must honestly confess, And the width of her seat Would surely defeat Her chances of success, It's a loud voice, and though it's not exactly flat, She'll need a little more than that To earn a living wage. On my knees, Mrs. Worthington, Please Mrs. Worthington, Don't put your daughter on the stage. Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Worthington, Don't put your daughter on the stage, Though they said at the school of acting She was lovely as Peer Gynt, I'm afraid on the whole An ingenue role Would emphasize her squint, She's a big girl, and though her teeth are fairly good She's not the type I ever would Be eager to engage, No more buts, Mrs. Worthington, NUTS, Mrs. Worthington, Don't put your daughter on the stage. |
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