Monty Python - The Ultimate Rip Off [compilation] (1994) by Monty Python (보컬) on maniadb.com

Finland, Finland. The country where I want to be, Pony trekking or camping, Or just Wacthing TV, Finland, Finland, Finland. It's the country for me. Quite a long way from Cairo, Verse : You're so near to Russia. So far from Japan, Lots of miles from Vietnam. The country where I want to be, Chorus : Finland, Finland, Finland. Eating breakfast or dinner, Or snack lunch in the Hall, Finland has it all. Finland, Finland, Finland. Verse: You're so sadly neglected, A poor second to Belgium, When going abroad. And often ignored. The country where I quite want to be, Your mountains so lofty, Chorus : Finland, Finland, Finland. Your treetops so tall, Finland, Finland, Finland. Finland has it all. Repeat : Finland, Finland, Finland. The country where I quite want to be, Your treetops so tall, Finland, Finland, Finland. Finland has it all. Fade : Finland has it all ... Monty Python

Spoken: The world today seems absolutely crackers. There are fools and idiots sitting on the trigger. With nuclear bombs to blow us all sky high. It's depressing, and it's senseless, and that's why... Intro: I like Chinese, I like Chinese, Yet they're always friendly and they're ready to please. They only come up to your knees, I like Chinese, Verse: I like Chinese, There's nine hundred million of them in the world today, You'd better learn to like them, that's what I say. Chorus: I like Chinese, I like Chinese, They come from a long way overseas, But they're cute and they're cuddly, and they're ready to please. Verse: I like chinese food, The waiters never are rude, Think of the many things they've done to impress, There's Maoism, Taoism, I Ching and chess. Chorus: So I like Chinese, I like Chinese, yin and yang-ese. I like their tiny little trees, Their Zen, their ping-pong, their Verse: I like Chinese thought, The wisdom that Confucious taught, The Chinese will survive us all without any doubt. If Darwin is anything to shout about, I like Chinese, Chorus: So I like Chinese, Yet they're wise and they're witty, and they're ready to please. They only come up to your knees, Verse: (in Chinese) I like Chinese, Chorus: I like Chinese, Their food is guaranteed to please, Chorus: I like Chinese, A fourteen, a seven, a nine and lychees. I like their tiny little trees, Their Zen, their ping-pong, their yin and yang-ese. I like Chinese, Fade: I like Chinese, I like Chinese...

And now i want to turn you to Sumeria,...787

(music begins)

(Horn Blows)

Hello? ......Hello?!

Hello? Who is it?

It Is King Arthur and these are my knights of the round table,
whose castle is this?

This is the castle of my master, Du eiut of lalamba!

Go and tell your master that we have been charged by god,
with a sacred quest. If you will give us food and shelter for
the night, he can join us in our quest for the holy grail.

Well, i'll ask him but i dont think he will be very keen!
Uh, he's already got one you see!

WHAT!?! He says they already got one!

Are you sure he's got one?

Oh yes its a very nice! uh i told them we already got one! hehe
(snickers behind wall)

Well, uh, can we come up and have a look?

OF COURSE not! You are english Type!

Well what are you then!?

I'm french! Why do you think i have this outragious accent you silly
king!

What are you doing in England?

Mind your own buisness!

If you are will not show us the grail, we shall have to take your castle
by force!

You dont frighten us you English pig dogs!

Go and boil your bottoms! Son of a silly person!

I'll blow my nose at you, so called Arthur king! You and all your silly
English cunnnnnnnnnigits!

TTHPPBPBB!!(making fart nosies with tongue)

What a strange person.....

Now look her my good man..

I dont wanna talk to you no more you empty headed animal foot
trough water! I'll fart in your general direction! Your mother was a
hamster and you father smelt of eldiberry!!!!

Is there someone else up there we can talk to?

NO! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!

ah well unfortunatley, our projecter has broken down, and
the other one is still at the theatre shop, so, uh while I
get Sheila to get around and see if it's ready,
and here's a recording of an inbreaker.

Whenever life gets you down Mrs. Brown, and things seem hard, or tough
When people seem stupid, obnoxious or daft, and you feel that you've had quite enough...

Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at 900 miles an hour,
It's orbiting at 19 miles a second, so it's reckoned,
The sun that is the source of all our power.
The Sun and you and me, and all the stars that we can see,
Are moving at a million miles a day,
In the outer spiral arm, at 40,000 miles an hour,
Of the Galaxy we call the Milky Way.

Our Galaxy itself contains 100 billion stars,
It's 100,000 light-years side-to-side,
It bulges in the middle, 16 000 light-years thick,
But out by us it's just 3 000 light-years wide.
We're 30,000 light-years from galactic central point,
We go round every 200 million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding,
In all of the directions it can whizz,
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
Pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
Because there's bugger all down here on Earth.

The background: him masturbating. Consequently, he broke the "sinner"s arm. Someone (No names, children!) walked in on his roommate and caught Whoever said that masturbation is sinful, anyway? The answer: "Every Sperm Is Sacred", Lyrics by Michael Palin and Terry Jones. The question: There are Jews in the world, there are Buddists, There are Hindus and Mormons and then There are those that follow Mohammad, but I've never been one of them. I'm a Roman Catholic, And have been since before I was born, And the one thing they say about Catholics is They'll take you as soon as you're warm. You don't have to be a six footer, You don't have to have a great brain, You don't have to have any clothes on, Every sperm is sacred, You're a Catholic the moment Dad came, because Every sperm is great, If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate. Every sperm is great, Every sperm is sacred, If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate. Let the heathen spill theirs, On the dusty ground, God shall make them pay for Each sperm that can't be found. Every sperm is good, Every sperm is wanted, Every sperm is needed, In your neighborhood. Hindu, Taoist, Morman, Spill theirs just anywhere, Semen with more care. But God loves those who treat their Every sperm is sacred, Every sperm is great, If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate. Every sperm is sacred, Every sperm is good, In your neighborhood. Every sperm is needed, Every sperm is useful, Every sperm is fine, Mine, and mine, and mine. God needs everybody's, Let the pagans spill theirs, O'er mountain, hill and plain. God shall strike them down for Each sperm that's spilt in vain. Every sperm is sacred, Every sperm is good, Every sperm is needed, In your neighborhood. Every sperm is sacred, Every sperm is great, If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate.

Sit on my face and tell me that you love me, I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too. I love to hear you o-ra-lise You blow me awaaay. When I'm between your thighs, Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you, 'Till we're blown awaaaaaaaay. If we sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play I'll sit on your face and then I'll love you truly. Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine,

I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay, He sleeps all night and he works all day. I sleep all night and I work all day.
: He's a lumberjack and he's okay, I go to the lavatory. On Wednesdays I go shopping I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, And have buttered scones for tea. Mounties: He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch, He goes to the lavatory. And has buttered scones for tea. On Wednesdays he goes shopping
: He's a lumberjack and he's okay, He sleeps all night and he works all day. I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I put on women's clothing, I like to press wild flowers. And hang around in bars. He likes to press wild flowers. Mounties: He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps, He puts on women's clothing, And hangs around in bars.
: He's a lumberjack and he's okay, He sleeps all night and he works all day. Suspendies and a bra. I cut down trees, I wear high heels, Just like my dear pappa. I wish I'd been a girlie, Mounties: He cuts down trees, he wears high heels? Suspendies...and a bra? ...he's a lumberjack and he's okay, He sleeps all night and he works all day. ...he's a lumberjack and he's OKAAAAAAAAAAYYY. He sleeps all night and he works all day.

A-one, a-two, a-one, two, three, four Half-a-bee, philosophically (Spoken): But half the bee, has got to bee Must ipso-facto half not-be. But can a bee be said to be Vis-a-vis its entity ... d'you see? Or not to be an entire bee When half the bee is not a bee Due to some ancient injury? Singing... La di di, a-one-two-three Eric The Half-A-Bee A-B-C-D-E-F-G Eric The Half-A-Bee Half asleep upon my knee Is this a-wretched demi-bee Some freak from a managerie? A-fiddle-di-dum, a-fiddle-di-dee NO! It's Eric The Half-A-Bee! Eric The Half-A-Bee Eric The Half-A-Bee Ho-ho-ho, tee-hee-hee Bisected accidentally I love this hive employ-e-e One summer afternoon by me I love him carnally He loves him carnally Semi-carnally. The end. Cyril Connolly? (Spoken): (Sings): Cyril Connolly No, semi-carnally (whistles) Oh

Lovely Spaaam! Wonderful Spaaam!
Lovely Spaaam! Wonderful Spam.

Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am.
Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am.
Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am.
Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am.

Lovely Spaaam! (Lovely Spam!)
Lovely Spaaam! (Lovely Spam!)
Lovely Spaaam!

Spaaam, Spaaam, Spaaam, Spaaaaaam!

Some things in life are bad, They can really make you mad, Other things just make you swear and curse. When you're chewing on life's gristle And this'll help things turn out for the best. Don't grumble, give a whistle. And.... Always look on the bright side of life, (whistle) Always look on the bright side of life, (whistle) There's something you've forgotten, If life seems jolly rotten, And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing. When you're feeling in the dumps, Don't be silly chumps. Just purse your lips and whistle, that's the thing. And... Always look on the bright side of life. (whistle) Come on... And death's the final word, Always look on the bright side of life... For life is quite absurd, You must always face the curtain with a bow. Forget about your sin, Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow. Give the audience a grin, Just before you draw your terminal breath, So always look on the bright side of death, Life's a piece of shit, Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true. When you look at it, You'll see it's all a show, Keep 'em laughing as you go. Just remember that the last laugh is on you. And always look on the bright side of life, Always look on the right side of life, Come on guys, cheer up. Always look on the bright side of life. Worse things happen at sea, you know. Always look on the bright side of life. I mean - what have you got to lose? you're going back to nothing. You know, you come from nothing, What have you lost? Nothing! (fade...)