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| 1. |
| 3:31 | 
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I got big balls, big old balls
Big as grapefruits, big as pumpkins Yes sir, yes sir, and on my really good days They swell to the size of small dogs My balls are as big as small dogs Well, it ain't braggin' if it's true Yes sir, yes sir, it ain't braggin' if it's true Muhammad Ali said that Back when he was a young man Back when he was cassius clay Before he fought too many fights And left his brain inside the ring And sometimes I wish I was Tiger Woods Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods Sometimes I wish I was Tiger Woods Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods I got a friend whose goal in life Was to one day go down on Madonna That's all he wanted, that was all To one day go down on Madonna And when my friend was thirty-four He got his wish in Rome one night He got to go down on Madonna In Rome one night in some hotel And ever since he's been depressed 'Cause life is shit from here on in And all our friends just shake their heads And say too soon, too soon, too soon He went down on Madonna too soon Too young, too young, too soon, too soon And it ain't braggin' if it's true Yes sir, yes sir, it ain't braggin' if it's true Muhammad Ali said that Back when he was cassius clay Before he fought too many fights And left his brain inside the ring And sometimes I wish I was Tiger Woods Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods Sometimes I wish I was Tiger Woods Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods If certain girls don't look at you It means that they like you a lot If other girls don't look at you It just means they're ignoring you How can you know, how can you know Which is which, who's doin' what I guess that you can ask 'em Which one are you, baby? Do you like me or are you ignoring me? Do you like me or are you ignoring me? Do you like me or are you ignoring me? And all you need to do that is one big pair of big balls Balls as big as grapefruits, balls as big as pumpkins Balls as big as mine but even though my balls are big Sometimes I wish they were bigger, even bigger Big as the wheels on a tractor Big as the golden arches Big as the golden gate bridge Big as the state of Kansas Big as Mars and Jupiter Big as the swing of Tiger Woods Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods |
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| 2. |
| 5:00 |
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I come down the steps
I slip on the ice Santa Claus been looking Who's been naughty Who's been nice I'm looking for one thing real tonight And Jesus he comes up to me Jesus he sits down He says take this fucking cross off my back I'm going downtown I said oh ain't that your uniform He offers me a toke He says two thousand years is long enough For this particular joke He says I'm lookin' for one thing real tonight And I'm up here singing These songs every night Sometimes I wanna just make 'em all Up on the spot Maybe they wouldn't rhyme too good And they might not make sense But then at least I wouldn't be Repeating myself I'm looking for one thing real tonight And you're the one I've chosen And I guess you've chosen me Let's turn off the commercials Let's turn off the TV How well can we get to know Each other in an hour We can fight the daylight We have that power I'm looking for one thing real tonight And Van Gogh sits next to me With a bucket full of paste He rips off my ear and says Glue this to my face I'd like to leave America For someplace where they would Not know a word of English And I might be understood I'm looking for one thing real tonight |
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| 3. |
| 4:11 |
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Someday you'll walk where I am
And then you'll see my footprints left in the sand I feel you moving in my wake So please try to learn from my mistakes Do not judge from where you stand Someday you will understand I want what's best for me and you And I know that you want it too, Suzanne Suzanne, I know someday you'll understand Suzanne, I know someday you'll understand As you sit there in the shade And reflect on the choices that I have made Just remember what I've done Has been done in the glare of a blinding sun Someday you will understand Someday you'll reach out your hand Someday I will shout your name And I know you'll be shouting the same, Suzanne Suzanne, I know someday you'll understand Suzanne, I know someday you'll understand Suzanne Suzanne Suzanne Suzanne I hope I don't sell you short Maybe you see it clear from your far-off port But I can't look back and check With every step I risk my neck Someday when your sky is blue You'll know what I've left to you Then you'll know what you must do And you'll know that my heart has been true, Suzanne Suzanne, I know someday you'll understand Suzanne, I know someday you'll understand Suzanne Suzanne Suzanne Suzanne |
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| 4. |
| 3:46 |
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They say you taught me how to talk
I bet you wish you taught me how to stop You're far away now I wish I could take a walk with you someplace You explained me to our parents English wasn't their first language They spoke German, hated Germans Confusing times Oh sister Down midwest backseat bumpy streets You sang my Beatles songs with me I sang your Broadway melodies Bad harmonies And where would Willie Mays have been Without Jackie Robinson? And who can say what I'd been Without you to lead the way After I showed some guys I could drink You picked me off the lawn, I think And led me to the kitchen sink Where I got rid of it Some nights I laid awake in awe As squinting through the dark I saw You peeling off your teenage bra The door slightly ajar Oh sister You lived just across the hall For eighteen summers, eighteen falls Until you went away to that Weird college in Wisconsin And where would Willie Mays have been Without Jackie Robinson? And who can say what I'd been Without you to lead the way Trust yourself And you can do anything This I give to you May your heart purr like a bumblebee May all your backyards have a tree May you always be HIV negative I hope you meet a nice guy who Treats women better than I do I don't even care if he's a Jew or not Oh sister I remember in the temple hall At our dear father's funeral You sang like a nightingale One of his own songs And where would Willie Mays have been Without Jackie Robinson? And who can say what I'd been Without you to lead the way |
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| 5. |
| 2:54 |
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The day they found a cure for AIDS
The day they found a cure for AIDS Everybody took one little pill and was okay The day they found a cure The day they found a cure for AIDS Everybody took one little pill and was okay I slept with Cindy and Martha and Sue I slept with Julie, Melissa and Kate The day they found a cure The day they found a cure for AIDS Everybody took one little pill and was okay The people who had plotted to get rid of all the gays Admitted their guilt and then everything was fine Everybody else said, I didn't know the day they found a cure For 6 months, no one went to work, they all had orgies Morning after pills were sold in grocery stores and gas stations The day they found a cure for AIDS Everybody took one little pill and was okay We rented dirty movies and ordered out for food For 3 solid weeks everyone I met was nude I slept with Julie, Melissa and Jake, nobody was afraid The day they found a cure The day they found a cure The day they found a cure, for AIDS |
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| 6. |
| 2:37 |
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Well this bald headed girl I know sent me a tape of Bjork and Courtney
Love And PJ Harvey, called it brilliant women I put it in my car, heard it all the way down to the coast Normally if left to my own devices I don't hear chich singers much I guess it's guys I hear the most Sometimes these days don't it seem like it's enough for Girls to love a girl or Use the f word prominently Masturbate in public or Learn guitar tied up to a post I thought of all this hearing Bjork and Courtney Love and PJ Harvey In my car driving to the coast Tori Amos, Liz Phair, Sinead O'Connor, Suzanne Vega, Jill Sobule Melissa Etheridge Tracy Chapman, Ani Difranco, Michelle Shocked Everyone of them has something kind of special that I like But every now and then while listening to them I feel like when we were Kids I pulled their hair or stole their bike These days it seems like there's a lot of girls who sing and some of Them are good and Some of them are not, but it's always kind of cool that Moment when they first step to the mike If I was a girl I could sing real high and also then I'd know what Having Breasts would be like Chick singers Chick singers Chick singers I started thinking 'bout Kate Bush, Patsy Cline, Billy Holiday, Janis Joplin, Bessie Smith, Patti Smith Annie Lennox, Chrissie Hynde, and Bonnie Raitt Seems like there's an awful lot of women in whose honor I would Like to raise my glass to in a toast Some of them are still alive and some I hear their voices like a ghost Maybe next Thursday I'll throw a party and invite every woman that Ever sang a song, oh, this would be a party that I think I would like to Be the host Thanks to the bald headed girl I know whose tape of Bjork and Courtney Love and PJ Harvey I heard driving to the coast Chick singers Chick singers Chick singers |
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| 7. |
| 4:24 |
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When I go by black people's cars
I always like the music from their radio Better than mine But I never get their station in I don't think my car gets it We live in different houses and we Drive different cars We live in different parts of town and Go to different bars We speak a different language and we Wear different clothes Got to different movies and we Tie different bows We live in different schools, and we Get different jobs When one of them and one of us steals It's different things we rob Hey, we live in different worlds Right along beside each other Hey, we live in different worlds Right up next to one another We eat different food and we Drink different booze Cheer for different football heroes We hope the other ones lose We laugh at different jokes and we Have different names Watch different tv shows and Play different games We speak a different language and we Sleep in different beds We like different jewelry and Put different things on our heads Hey, we live in different worlds Right along beside each other Hey, we live in different worlds Right up next to one another We join different clubs and we Read different magazines We have different DNA and Pass along different genes We have different hair and noses We have different teeth In fact everything is different 'cept under our feet We live in a different universe We live in a microwave I think we're invisible now I gotta go now, I need a shave Hey, we live in different worlds Right along beside each other Hey, we live in different worlds Right up next to one another Hey, we live in different worlds Right along beside each other Hey, we live in different worlds Right up next to one another When I go by black people's cars I always like the music from their radio Better than mine |
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| 8. |
| 5:04 |
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Can't you see she's everybody's baby
Maybe for the summer or fall But don't fall too hard for everybody's baby 'Cause everybody's baby Ain't nobody's gal Take a stroll with everybody's baby Lose yourself in the beauty of her soul Don't loose your heart to everybody's baby 'Cause everybody's baby Ain't nobody's gal for long Everybody's baby is everybody's business Is everybody's private hiding place Everybody touch her, everybody clutch her She's everbody's turn the lights down face Don't fall in love with everybody's baby You think she's all for you and she's your pal Watch yourself with everybody's baby 'Cause everybody's baby Ain't nobody's gal Everybody's baby is everybody's business Is everybody's private hiding place Everybody touch her, everybody clutch her She's everybody's turn the lights down face Don't you know she's everybody's baby Maybe for the summer or the fall But don't fall too hard for everybody's baby 'Cause everybody's baby Ain't nobody's gal, ain't nobody's gal |
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| 9. |
| 4:58 |
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Because I love you
I get tongue tied around you I never say smart stuff around you I never say anything around you That makes you want to be with me So, because I love you I will never be with you There's plenty other people Who I always find the words for That I have the sweet gift of gab for That I'm magical and good for Who because I do not love them Always want to be with me Everything I say is true So there's nothing we can do Then what the Hell I'll say to you Let me have one dance with you I recognize the look In my eyes when I see you It's the look of one who loves you Who wants nothing except to be with you It is not the look that often Gets returned in kind Same old tale ain't nothing new What the Hell's a soul to do But maybe you can help me through Giving me one dance with you One dance with you Why do all the rules I make About how to act around other people Like don't write them private notes Trying to explain your foolish actions Like not hanging around For hours after it's obvious That your presence ain't desired Like names are not important So if someone forgets your name They're forgetting something intangible That has nothing to do with you So it's stupid to feel bad If someone forgets your name Why do all the rules I make About how to act around other people Always fall by the wayside When I get around you There ain't no more carrot stew That old sky ain't never blue That's a lie but this is true All I want's one dance with you My bed's unmade My stuff's askew I ain't heard the dum |
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| 10. |
| 4:26 |
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The day they found a cure for AIDS
The day they found a cure for AIDS Everybody took one little pill and was okay The day they found a cure The day they found a cure for AIDS Everybody took one little pill and was okay I slept with Cindy and Martha and Sue I slept with Julie, Melissa and Kate The day they found a cure The day they found a cure for AIDS Everybody took one little pill and was okay The people who had plotted to get rid of all the gays Admitted their guilt and everything was fine Everybody else said, I didn't know The day they found a cure For 6 months, no one went to work, they all had orgies Morning after pills were sold in grocery stores and gas stations The day they found a cure for AIDS Everybody took one little pill and was okay We rented dirty movies and ordered out for food For 3 solid weeks everyone I met was nude I slept with Julie, Melissa and Jake Nobody was afraid The day they found a cure The day they found a cure The day they found a cure for AIDS |
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| 11. |
| 4:21 |
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I remember Monica at the U.S. Open
She might have been 16 Couldn't have been much more Answering some questions and giggling I'd never seen someone so alive on TV before Do you remember Monica shrieking on her backhand? Disguising herself when she went out at night? Coloring her hair like something was telling her Stay low, invisible and out of sight And then, Monica, the blade came, Monica Like God spitting on you, a knife in your back We read it in the paper and moved on to other things But for you all the colors fade to black And oh, Monica, there you are, Monica On the cross with Jesus and Martin Luther King Just like John Lennon by that hotel You have to pay for our sins Was it like being raped? Was it like being dead? Like a bad movie over and over again? Then did everyone who came close to you Suddenly hold a knife in their hand? And now, you're back, Monica Grim and hammering Trying not to think about that thing then I hope that you win every medal you can win But it may never be much fun again And oh, Monica, there you are, Monica On the cross with Jesus and Martin Luther King Just like John Lennon by that hotel You have to pay for our sins Just like Jesus by that hotel You have to pay for our sins |
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| 12. |
| 5:06 |
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Your hand is between my legs
The dog is between our bodies As I wake up you are rolling from me I am rolling from you Time to join a new religion Time to overthrow the state Time to demand all my beliefs Are in a new constitution I can't stop you from cryin' But sometimes I can lick away your tears If you look in someone's eyes More than two seconds now You'd better be prepared to fight I got too much fear and too much neglect Of magical things I am rolling from you You are rolling from me We are rolling away I caught a cold and for two days straight My ears have been plugged up As if my body's sayin' You don't need your ears You don't use 'em anyway We need more nose jobs We need more hair relaxers More magazines telling us There's something wrong with your face There's something wrong with your face There's something wrong with your face There's something wrong with your face I am rolling from you You are rolling from me We are rolling' away Some wild creature has taken command I gave him the keys And he's stompin' through the house He has a very busy itinerary He does not have much time for you I wish I could give you everything All of me just like before This last time together We did everything except fight Aw, we used to fight so good I am rolling from you You are rolling from me We are rolling away I see beautiful actresses With terrible scripts And I want to write them all A great one, don't worry, baby I'll write you one too But I'll also write one for Andie Macdowell I'd love to trade places with a dog for a day To know what he thinks and what he feels Does he think about life? Does he think about God? Or just about his next meal, like us? So often these days eating Indian food Passes for spirituality I don't meditate, I don't pray But I eat two samosas every day Go down Moses, go down on me I do not have the strength to fight I only pray, you treat me gently These are long, cold nights I am rolling from you You are rolling from me We are rolling away I cry every day but beauty shows up When you least expect to find it I am rolling from you You are rolling from me We are rolling away I cry every day but beauty shows up When you least expect to find it I am rolling from you You are rolling from me We are rolling away I am rolling from you You are rolling from me We are rolling away I am rolling from you You are rolling from me We are rolling away |
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| 13. |
| 3:48 |
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Someday you'll walk where I am
And then you'll see my footprints left in the sand I feel you moving in my wake So please try to learn from my mistakes Do not judge from where you stand Someday you will understand I want what's best for me and you And I know that you want it too, Suzanne Suzanne I know someday you'll understand Suzanne I know someday you'll understand As you sit there in the shade And reflect on the choices that I have made Just remember what I've done Has been done in the glare of a blinding sun Someday you will understand Someday you'll be dealt my hand Someday I will shout your name And I know you're deciding the same, Suzanne Suzanne I know someday you'll understand Suzanne I know someday you'll understand Suzanne, Suzanne Suzanne, Suzanne I hope I don't sell you short Maybe you see it clear from your far off port But I can't look back and check With every step I risked my neck Someday when your sky is blue You'll know what I've left to you Then you'll know what you must do And you'll know that my heart has been true, Suzanne Suzanne I know someday you'll understand Suzanne I know someday you'll understand Suzanne, Suzanne Suzanne, Suzanne |
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