Bette Midler - Mud Will Be Flung Tonight! (2006) by Bette Midler (보컬) on maniadb.com

Of course i have new motivations for staying slim and georgous, you see i recently got married,
I hope that means you are wishing me well and not congratulations on finally landing some poor worm, Yes i got married, of course i wasn't the urge to cojoin that faithful weekend, lots of girls got married that weekend
God all mighty, Olivia Newton John got married, Sally Field got married, Jamie-Lee Curtis got married, it was like last call at a singles bar.
Olivia Newton John got married in Santa Barbara, everything was dyed to match the very special pink of her panties,
Sally got married in Bell Air to a man who liked her ,who really liked her,
Jaime Lee got married on 5th avenue and i was married in Las Vegas, by an Elvis impersonater.
I married a German boy, I married a crout, Every night i get dressed up like Poland and he invades me, haha,
He likes to go to the movies, he likes to watch teenagers get layed for the first time, sometimes he even watches the screen, my movies are not about getting layed, all though i will say once or twice i have been royally screwed,
"i'm ready for my close up, wheres the mark, wheres my line, wheres my lunch, i, oh i love the sound of that voice"
Nobody talks like that anymore in the movies except for Meryl,
"I am the french left tenants whore"
I was up for that part, i read that line
"i'm the french lutenants whore, whats it to ya"
I don't know why i didn't get that job, but now its move over Meryl Streep, theres new light on the cinamatic horrizon, Madonna.
Oh this is not going to be so much as mud flinging as it's gonna be like a land fill alright!

Like a virgin, touched for the very first time, for the very first time today, ah my god, oh pitty the poor soul who has to rinse out that lingerie, the only thing that girl will ever do like a virgin is have a baby in a stable, by an unknown father,
Who, me, jelous, what do ya mean!, I'm a material girl too, i've been on MTV, once, I made a video with Mick Jagger.
We were fabulous together, i know what your all thinking, did she fuck him?, How was he?
Ah, Mick, Bruce, Lional, i had em all, How were they? I was better than them!
I left them weak and begging for more,
"Prince, get of ma leg, god damn it boy, somebody get a bucket of water to throw on this putz, honey some kibble, cool down, cool down, "you got to cool down boy"."
He's a very sweet guy, person, fella, i dunno maybe it's me, when its a sex symbol, i like to know the sex of the symbol.
We were on the road not too long ago, actally we were on the road last year, two yeras ago, we met some pigs on the road, God, you didn't know there were people out there with cosiousness so low my god, we were hanging out with this band, whats his names band, Oh fabulous band i forget the name, their moto was
"no muff too tough, ugly women have pussys too"
I thought it was revolting till i really actually thought about it and i thought,oh well that is kinda friendly actually when you, its really kinda none judgemental in a funny way,
Is that my accountent sitting there?, I'll kill myself, Is it?, looks just like my accountent, I don't think it is my acountent, Thank christ! Excuse my language but, oh my accountent, i adore my accountent never the less, he has to be up at 6 in the morning at those books, Looking for tax shelters.

So vikki Eydie is not going to make it through the techno age, well which of us will? I dont no the a VCR and an IUD although i aught to find out i would hate to be standing in front of my microwave with a VCR up my tuckas, I thought a floopy disk was my diafram.
weres thoses heebs that wrote this act?

Isnt it hard beeing friends with coke heads? they always say lets go somewere and we'll talk, what they realy mean is lets go somewere and I'll talk and they always grind there teeth I have friends who have ground there teeth so fine they could snort there own bycusbids.
For a long time a went looking for a new drug, a drug that had my name on it, realy i thought one i serched high i serched low i tried designer drugs. After all that then you know how deppressing it is when you find out your drug is midol. Once i mixed midol with speed i had my period six times in one day.
But i had to give up speed i started to understand what chero was saying.

haha
weres those heebs that wrote this act??

"This next story is a true story. It concerns to of my favorite subjects: industrial theft . . . and-a t-ts! Mmm, what a combo! This is the story . . . The inventor of the modern foundation garment that we women wear today was a German scientist and opera lover by the name of Otto Titsling! This is a true story. His name was Otto Titsling. What happened to Otto Titsling shouldn't happen to a schnauzer. It's a very sad story. I feel i have to share it with you."

Otto Titsling, inventor and crout,
had nothing to get very worked up about.
His inventions were failures, his future seemed bleak.
He fled to the opera at least twice a week.

One night at the opera he saw an aida
who's t-ts were so big they would often impede her.
Bug-eyed he watched her fall into the pit,
done in by the weight of those terrible t-ts.

Oh, my god! There she blows!
Aerodynamically this bitch was a mess.
Otto eye-balled the diva lying comatose amongst the reeds,
and he suddenly felt the fire or inspiration
flood his soul. He knew what he had to do!
He ran back to his workshop
where he futzed and futzed and futzed.

For Otto Titsling had found his quest:
to lift and mold the female breast;
to point the small ones to the sky;
to keep the big ones high and dry!

Every night he'd sweat and snort
searching for the right support.
He tried some string and paper clips.
Hey! He even tried his own two lips!

Well, he stiched and he slaved
and he slaved and he stitched
until finally one night, in the wee hours of morning,
Otto arose from his workbench triumphant.
Yes! He had invented the worlds first
over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder. Hooray!

Exhausted but ecstatic he ran
down the street to the diva's house
bearing the prototype in his hot little hand.
Now, the diva did not want to try the darn thing on.
But, after many initial misgivings,
she finally did.
And the sigh of relief that issued forth
from the diva's mouth
was so loud that it was mistaken by some
to be the early onset of the Seraken Winds
which would often roll through the Schwarzwald
with a vengance!
Ahhhhh-i!

But little did Otto know,
at the moment of his greatest triumph,
lurking under the diva's bed
was none other than the very worst
of the french patentees,
Phillip DeBrassiere.
And Phil was watching the scene
with a great deal of interest!

Later that night, while our Broom Hilda slept,
into the wardrobe Phillip softly crept.
He fumbled through knickers and corsets galore,
'til he found Otto's titsling and he ran out the door.

Crying, "Oh, my god! What joy! What bliss!
I'm gonna make me a million from this!
Every woman in the world will wanna buy one.
I can have all the goods manufactures in Taiwan."

"Oh, thank you!"

The result of this swindle is pointedly clear:
Do you buy a titsling or do you buy a brassiere?

I Will never forget it you know. I was in bed one night with my boyfriend Ernie he began combing his hair there was a great shower of dandruff all about the bed. I said to him "Ernie what's that?" he said to me "Soph those are the snows of Kilamanjaro". He leaped from the bed he ran to the loo I could hear him through the door relieving himself violently (swish, swish, swish, swish) I said to him "Ernie what the hell is that?" he said to me "Soph those are the rains of Ronjapoor". He leaped from the bed, he ran back to bed, no he leaped from the loo he ran back to the bed, he leaped from the bed, he ran out the window, that's not right either, a humongous dick that wants to reach out and touch someone imagine that, he ran back from the loo, what happened then ah yes of course I hit a blank spot. On his way back from the loo he had dare I say an attack of flatulates, how could I forget that. He had an attack of flatulates (pbbt) the cheese was cut. I said to him "Ernie what the hell is that?" he said to me "Soph those are the winds of Crackatoa." That was enough for me I jumped into my clothes I was out the door like a like a shot. I could hear him calling me from down the road. "Where are you going? What's wrong?" I said who can f**k in this weather."

I will never forget it you know. Doorbell rang the other day I answered the door there was a delivery boy there, a delivery boy there with two dozen roses. I grabbed the card and I opened it it said love, from your boyfriend Ernie. I was having tea with my girlfriend Clementine at the time I said "Clementine do you know what this means. For the next two weeks I'm going to be flat on my back with my legs wide open". "Clementine says to me what's the matter with you ain't you got a vas."

I will never forget it you know. Yet another cutting the cheese joke. Listen to how I make it my own. I will never forget it you know. It was my honeymoon with my boyfriend Ernie we were on the Silvercheif we had a car all to ourselves when suddenly I cut the cheese. Ernie said "Oh my God, Soph is that you", "did you just fart", I said of course I did you think I always smell like this."

I will never forget it you know. For the longest time I didn't wear no underwear. Used to drive my boyfriend Ernie absolutely batty that I didn't wear no underwear. One day I caught a terrible cold, Ernie said to me "Soph you've got to go see the doctor I said alright, make an appointment for me." So he rang up the doctor but unbeknownst to me this is what he told the doctor. "Doc I'm sending Soph over, she got a terrible cold but that's not the problem, the problem is she don't wear no underwear, tell her she got this cold on the count of she don't wear no underwear you got that." "Right o" says the doctor so I like a Schmuck trot on down to the doctor's office the doctor said "Soph open your mouth and say Ah" I open my mouth I said "Ah" he looked down my throat he said "Soph, you ain't wearin no underwear", I said "I beg your pardon doctor?" he said to me "Soph you ain't wearin no underwear" I said "doctor you can look down my throat and see I ain't wearin no underwear" he said "that's right Soph" I said "doc do me a favor, look up my ass and tell me if my hat's on straight."