| Disc 1 | ||||||
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| 1. |
| 3:24 | 
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| 2. |
| 0:43 |
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| 3. |
| 3:05 | 
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(shouted)
Damned if I know! Fuck if I know! Shit if I know! Ass if I know! Tit if I know! Scumbag if I know! Shit if I know! Fuck if I know! Asshole if I know! Damned if I know! Fuck if I know! Shit if I know! Ass if I know! Tit if I know! Scumbag if I know! Shit if I know! Fuck if I know! Asshole if I know! (spoken) What a beautiful sunset tonight. What a breathtaking panorama, a potpourri of sights, sounds, smells, and a whole holy host of other sensations. It's so delightful to be here, in the outside. It's so nice not to be all cooped up like a rat in a cage, like a political prisoner, like the working poor, like the coal miner, like the cloistered nun, like the waitress in the Quality Pie, like the farm boy, like the pig in the pen, or the cow hooked up to the milking machine, or the lamb on line to the slaughterhouse, like the HIV-positive, like the inoperable cancer patients, or the soldiers who have lost their legs, like the homicidal maniac, or the suicidal depressive. Nay, I say nay, this sunset is so beautiful, this moment so sublime, that I could stand here, and watch, and be here, and callously forget all the misery in the world, and be completely and blissfully unaware of all sadness and pain and loss, at least until the sun descends. How is it that nature can be so natural? How is it that it can completely transport one away from reality when in fact it is reality? How can that be? (shouted) Damned if I know! Fuck if I know! Shit if I know! Charles Laughton if I know! Damned if I know! Fuck if I know! Shit if I know! Charles Laughton if I know! |
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| 4. |
| 1:07 |
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(spoken)
A lot of people have said Giuliani did a great job with the crisis, and I-I don't know, and a lot of people are saying that Bush is doing a good job, and I really don't think so, but in all this discussion, no one has stepped forward to say what a truly remarkable job Jennifer Love Hewitt has been doing. She has shown unbelievable restraint during this entire crisis. I haven't heard her say a single irresponsible word. So many people have rushed to get on the television and say stupid, fucked-up, crazy shit, but not JLH. I haven't seen her on television at all since this crisis began. It is very rare to see such restraint from public figures these days, so I'd like to take this moment to say: Thank you, Jennifer Love Hewitt. Thank you for your brave and steadfast silence. Thank you for respecting the American people in a way that very few people have. Thank you, Jennifer. |
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| 5. |
| 0:23 |
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| 6. |
| 2:57 |
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| 7. |
| 4:19 |
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(spoken)
Your father fucked your mother. At least once, your father and your mother were in bed, and your father got a hard-on, and he stuck it inside your mother and they fucked. Sometimes maybe your father fucked your mother in the ass, and maybe on the night that you were conceived maybe they did that, before or after, or maybe they didn't, maybe your father never fucked your mother's ass, but on the night that you were conceived, one thing is certain: your father fucked your mother in her cunt. Maybe your mother sucked your father's dick first, and maybe your father ate your mother's pussy. Maybe your father sucked your mother's clit while sticking a finger or two up your mother's slit until she got really wet. Maybe he got his whole hand up there. If you have older brothers or sisters, then your father probably could have gotten his whole hand up there. If not, then maybe not. But at some point, your mother was wet and loose enough to accommodate your father, and they fucked. Maybe they did it doggy-style. Maybe your mother got on top of your father. Maybe your parents liked to talk dirty to each other when they were fucking. Maybe your mother screamed, "Oh daddy. Oh daddy. Fuck me, daddy, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me," and then maybe your daddy shouted, "Here it comes! Here it comes! Get ready, bitch, here I come," and then maybe your mother said, "Come in me, come in me, come in me! Oh yeah, baby, fuck your mommy, fuck your momma's sweet pussy, oh yeah, daddy, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah." Or maybe they were very quiet. But at any rate, eventually your father came and his sperm shot out of his dick and it went up your mother's cunt and it fertilized her egg and that was you. That was you in your mother's womb, growing like a virus for nine months, making your mother fatter and fatter, making her sick, making her vomit, making her hate your father for doing this to her, making her hate you, this thing inside of her, like a virus, growing and sucking, like a leech attached to her, sucking her blood, drinking her like a vampire fetus, growing and sucking and growing and sucking until one day you want out, and you burst through the snotty membrane and you pop out of your mother's cunt all covered with blood, and a bloody umbilical cord still attaches you to the inside of your mother somewhere 'til someone snips it off and you are severed. You are a separate being. This is the miracle of childbirth. To some, it is proof that there is a God. Now after you were born, maybe you sucked milk out of your mother's tit. Maybe your father wiped the shit off your shitty ass. I don't know. You'll have to ask them. But that is basically the way people are born. In a nutshell, that is it. Unless you were a test tube baby, which you weren't, so just face it: your father fucked your mother, and the next time you're fucking somebody, just try to keep that in mind. (sung ad-libs, including the following) Miracle Miracle Fuck me, daddy, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me Here I come Here I come Get ready, bitch, here I come Miracle Miracle Miracle Miracle Miracle Oh daddy, oh daddy, oh daddy, oh daddy, oh daddy, oh daddy Miracle |
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| 8. |
| 2:31 |
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(sung)
We like chickens Tiny little chickens Little little chickens We want chickens Gimme chickens Great big chickens I eat chickens Cook up the chickens Give up the chickens I want chickens I will hatch the chickens Little little chickens I eat chickens I can't wait for chickens Gimme eggs Gimme chickens I will make the chickens Gimme little eggs I make the chickens Fry up the chickens Eat up the chickens Dip the legs in sauce Doggin' on the chickens Lappin' up the chickens They are chickens Here are little chickens Free-range Free-range Free-range Free-range Free-range chickens Lappin' up the chickens Little chickens Here are little chickens Gimme chickens I will eat the chickens We like chickens Tiny little chickens Little little chickens We want chicken Gimme chicken Great big chicken Runnin' in the farm I eat chickens Cook up the chickens Give up the eggs I want the chickens I will hatch the chickens Little little chickens I eat the chickens I can't wait for chickens Gimme eggs Gimme little chickens I will make the chicken Gimme little eggs Tiny little chickens Fry up the chickens Eat up Free-range Free-range Free-range Free-range Free-range chickens Doggin' on the chickens Lappin' up the chickens |
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| 9. |
| 0:24 |
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| 10. |
| 4:25 |
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She pressed the knife lightly against his left testicle and said, "Now do I have your attention?"
He yawned and said, "Yes, yes, what is it now?" She said, "I'm gonna cut off your fucking balls." He said, "Yes, I gathered that, but what's the subtext here? You don't really wanna cut off my balls, you want me to do something. Why don't you tell me what you want me to do?" She said, "I want you to know what I want you to do." As she said this, he slipped away and quickly opened the lower drawer of the endtable and pulled out the revolver. He cocked and aimed it and said, "Is this it? Is this what you want me to do? You want me to shoot you in your fuckin' ass? Turn around. I'm gonna shoot you in your fuckin' ass." "That gun's not loaded, fuckface," she said. "I took the bullets out of it last night." "Oh yeah?" he said. "I reloaded it this morning." And to prove his point, he shot the television. "You stupid fuck!" she said. "The season premiere of ER is on in five minutes. George Clooney. George Clooney. Must-see TV." "Oh honey," he said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, come on. We'll watch it in the living room." "Forget it," she said. "I'm not in the mood. Maybe tomorrow." Maybe tomorrow indeed. For aren't we all prisoners of time? Isn't everything we do done with one eye on the clock? "Shut up," she said, "who asked you anyway? Honey, let's sell this house, it's too big. Let's sell this house, buy a trailer, put the leftover money in mutual funds, and live off the dividends for the rest of our lives." "Sugarpie," he said, "that really ticks me off. One minute you wanna cut my balls off, then when I'm all ready you up and wanna do something different. Live in a trailer, maybe I should shoot you in the ass, you're not in the mood. You're not in the mood. Well, maybe I'm in the mood. Maybe I'm really in the mood. Maybe I'll just mosey on down to Lucy's trailer and shoot her in the ass. Have her cut off a testicle or two. How does that tickle you?" She sat silently for almost thirty seconds and then said, "We don't live in a trailer park, stupid. You can't 'mosey on down to Lucy's trailer,' because the nearest trailer park is two hours on the interstate." She was right, of course. The nearest trailer park was over a hundred miles away on I-90. "I just said that!" she said. "Just shut the fuck up and let me think for a minute." "Who are you talking to?" he asked. "Shut up," she said, "you're driving me fucking nuts." "Honey," he said, "let's go downstairs and watch George Clooney..." "If you don't shut up," she said, "I will shoot the living room television just as surely as I shot the bedroom television." "But honey!" he said. "It's the season premiere! Must-see TV! Must-see. Must-see. Besides, I shot the television." "That's it," she said, "kiss those balls goodbye." She deftly hacked off his balls with a few quick strokes and stuffed them into his mouth. "Hmmmph!" he said. "Hmmmmmmmph!" he said. She said, "He said, 'Shut up and let me eat my balls in peace.' And will you stop saying 'he said' and 'she said' in the middle of everything we say, or I'll cut your fucking balls off next." To which I replied, "Okay. Fuck you. Fuck you both. Take that knife and shove it up your ass, you ungrateful little shits, I created you. I formed you out of nothing, like a god, I invented both of you, and all you do is fight. I sat down and took the time to write a nice little story about you two when I could've been watching ER. Go fuck yourselves! Both of you! Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck - you give and you give, and what's the point, what's the fucking point? I missed the season premiere, and - now I'll never know what happened with the thing, and the, and the - thing. And - it's all so useless and hopeless - this is a very bad day." "Hey look," he said, "I'm sorry. You're right." "I'm sorry too," she said. "We're both being very selfish. We didn't realize you were in such pain. Let it out. Don't hold it back. Let it out. Tell us all about it." "Yes," he said, "you can tell us. You can trust us. You can count on us. You can fuck us and kill us." "You really mean it?" I said. "I can tell you everything?" "Of course!" they replied in unison, and stood there smiling their smarmy fucking smiles. So I killed them and fucked them and hacked them to bits, and then I told them everything. |
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| 11. |
| 1:23 |
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| 12. |
| 4:07 |
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| 13. |
| 0:24 |
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| 14. |
| 2:44 |
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| 15. |
| 3:52 |
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| 16. |
| 0:31 |
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| 17. |
| 4:03 |
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| 18. |
| 2:57 |
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